Relationship Another Baby?

[Deleted member 19035]

We have 6 adopted children. A son and daughter and quadruplets (2 boys, 2 girls). My Princess's ex best friend S's birth children...

Now S is pregnant again. She is refusing any pre-natal care unless we agree to take on this baby. If we do not take on the baby the life baby will have doesn't bare thinking about. :( S will either leave the child with abusive family or drag the child up.

I have known for a while about this but Princess has only just found out. She wants us to adopt this baby also. The baby is sibling to the six we have and she is upset about what will happen to the child if we don't. She wants to pay for S to have private pre-natal care etc.

Princess is an amazing mummy when she is the tiniest bit well. However, she is dying and most days she is on another planet. The stress of a new baby may be the one too many that sends her to an alter state for good.

Financially one extra mouth to feed is fine. We can afford to still live comfortably. All our kids have everything they need and more. We are blessed.

I do not know that we would be taking on this child for the right reasons. :( We did not want another child and to be honest I sometimes struggle with the six we already have. I would love this baby as my own child of course. If we decide to adopt the baby then I will commit to it fully. It is just everything, life is already so hard with Princess being ill. I fear that I would not be able to give them the best with another child too. Although, baby is not due for a long while yet so maybe princess will be a lot better by then? :( Maybe she will not be here...

God I do not know what is for the best. Do I tell Princess no we can not adopt the baby? At what cost to the baby? :( If we do adopt the child how will I cope? Also what is to stop S getting pregnant again? :mad: She is so irresponsible.

I am lost and hurting right now as Princess is so unwell. Any insight, thoughts or views would be appreciated. What should we do?

 

[JustBe]

:eek: Wow Fuzzy! That's such a heartbreaking choice to have to make. :coldfeet:

 

[TLight]

Wow, wish I could find a man as good as you.

 

[Bilby]

Gosh, I'm not sure I have any words of wisdom or advice that I can really offer, but I can understand the difficult position you are in.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You definitely have a huge heart!

I'm concerned over the ex best friend who A) doesn't know how to use birth control (did she naturally have quads?) and B) is SO incredibly manipulative as to threaten the well being of an unborn child just to get her healthcare taken care of. Where does it end? Will she continue to have kids and use them as pawns against you, knowing that you're both kind and generous souls?

Of course there is the welfare of the unborn child...will the ex best friend not let the child be adopted by anyone else?

And the welfare of your princess....six children is a lot, and I worry that one more may be too many? Of course I don't know you so I don't say this with certainty, rather something to ponder. What if she can't handle one more child, then the rest of your kids only get half a mom?

I'm not trying to sway you one way or another as this is a very tough decision. I know you want to do what's best. I wish you well in making the decision.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I feel duped.

 

[StarChild]

Where does it end? Will she continue to have kids and use them as pawns against you, knowing that you're both kind and generous souls?

Amen to that!

Now S is pregnant again. She is refusing any prenatal care unless we agree to take on this baby.

Dear FuzzyBear, the behavior of your wife's ex-friend is very, very strange! Obviously she doesn't care the h*ll about others, about their lives, their well-being! And I don't mean only the babies. What about Charmedone and you? I'm sorry to have to say, that this woman's IMO very egoistic and a master of blackmailing! I already asked myself before, as I read, that you told Nicolette, that all of your 6 adopted children were S's children. "Why is S doing this"?

(What I'm going to say now is just my own thoughts, my opinion.) Could it be, that this woman is full of envy and morbid jealousy of your relationship? Maybe she's not to stupid to use contraception... Maybe she sets out to become pregnant again and again? Maybe S uses her pregnancies/children to punish you and/or Charmedone (or you two)? Or a kind of revenge? It obviously must have a reason, that she's no longer a friend to your wife... So maybe all her self centered acting is just to get the full attention back? Maybe she uses her children to overburden the two of you?... Or to say it frankly: To give you hell and to destroy whatever she's jealousy of in your partnership. Now that she absolutely doesn't care about the health of her unborn child, could implement, the child/children's just as a means to an end. Why? Again: Punishment/revenge/.

As I sad, these are my own thoughts about this weird situation. Maybe my speculation's just bulls**t, so just forget about it. I don't mind. But if there's some true in it, that one I will say. (Morbid) jealousy is a really, really dangerous emotion! It follows its own "logic" and it's everything other than a healthy one...

Oh, you good big-hearted people, sometimes it's necessary to harden your heart. To set boundaries against such impudent, cruel acting! Don't let her blackmail you again. (I know, it's easy to say..) Is there a possibility to call appropriate authorities such as a guardianship authority, or maybe a lawyer who acts in behalf of your family and/or the unborn child? I'm not familiar with your country's law. But I'm sure there are possibilities to get help. And I also think for the sake of you and your family, to cut off such a toxic, abusive person. Otherwise, like SOL said: Where does it end?... :sorry:

Dear FuzzyBear, I so hope I didn't hurt your feelings. Please know, the well-being of your whole family is dear to our hearts! Yes, it really is.

 

[Nicolette]

As FuzzyBear and his partner have been banned this thread is now closed.