Anxiety Surrounding Car Stuff

[WillowMarie]

I guess I will start off with a positive. Just texted my friend and asked if she can join me tomorrow when I get an oil change for my car since I am having very bad anxiety and can use emotional support. My brain is trying to get me to think of all these bad things. Like a ton of stuff with be wrong with my car, or the free car washes that come with the life of the car was a lie when they sold it to me. I am feeling very paranoid. I feel scared and panicked. I keep reminding myself that everything will be okay and that nothing will be wrong, but it has been hard to shake this feeling of dread. (Update while writing, first friend will be out of town, hope the second friend can come...)

I never wrote about it on here, because I was feeling so ashamed, but I had a lot of trouble emotionally when I bought my car. I was convinced after I took it home that I made a horrible decision, and that something was wrong with my car. I kept reminding myself that nothing was wrong with it and kept reminding myself of things I liked about my car.

when I was going through the process of buying the car (drove the test driving one until they got my new one in), I had some doubts, which I think were more about that my new car would never come in and that the sales person lied to me and was stringing me along. I kept calling every day and they kept saying it should arrive in the next day, and it went on for about a week. I don't like it when people lie, and was thinking the worst.

When I was still driving the test driving car, I had went out to dinner with my mum one day and she mentioned that no one thought my old car would last as long as it did. (Almost nothing went wrong with it besides me breaking the sun roof.) I took a lot of offense to that because 1) it meant that my family/brothers thought I made a bad decision, and 2) I don't remember anyone saying this about my car and felt like they were talking about me behind my back. My anxiety, shame, and other bad feelings about my car got significantly worse after that and I spent time just crying and staying curled up in my bed for hours.

I know it doesn't matter what others may think about my decisions and all that matters is if I am happy and it works as a car, does it's job. But it is hard for my brain to accept it as truth when I am feeling emotional about it.

And part of me is being stubborn because if I get my first oil change at the dealership, it will be for free. So I could always just go to my regular place because there is not any anxiety surrounding that. But I love getting things for free and I think it will be good for me to prove that nothing bad will happen if I go to get an oil change at the dealership.

 

[WillowMarie]

I pushed myself really hard to call my one friend during my lunch break tonight since she offered that she is open to talk tonight even though she can't come tomorrow. I had a bad feeling about it, and am always afraid people will tell me I am being silly, nothing bad will happen. But I called and I guess that is a good step for me.

But it didn't really help because she said about the car wash thing that I should have gotten it in writing because her dad has had trouble with that before. I started getting this sinking feeling, my panic, scared, and sadness, and anger and shamefulness, being mad at myself. I am trying not to think about the whole thing because when it randomly crosses my mind, I feel like the feelings will crash down around me and engulf me. I have been working so hard since then to keep grounded.

I feel like this will be one of the nights I will need to stay up late until I am super tired so it will prevent me from thinking about it when I lay down to sleep.



I also had another wave of emotions hit me during my first break at work. I had sent friend number two a text asking if she can come with me. No message from her. When I looked at my phone and saw she didn't text back, a wave of emotions hit me. I felt abandoned. I felt angry at myself since I tried to reach out and there was no response. I felt alone. I felt like no one cared about me. I worked really hard to keep grounding myself and reminded myself she might be busy and hasn't seen my text yet.

Luckily, she did text back later by lunchtime and said she was able to make it.