My wife has PTSD from abuse as a child by her father and her mom's lack of support through the troubling years as a child. We have 2 children, a boy and a girl (16 mos and 3 mos respectively). The girl she is breastfeeding only partially and supplementing the rest as the PTSD constant stress prevents her at this time from producing enough to fully support. As you can imagine having the two children crying can make it more difficult and strain on the relationship along with her having PTSD. I try to comfort her while we both try and keep the children calm but sometimes I cannot do both and sometimes I cannot do any. Like this morning I was making eggs for the toddler and he was crying, the younger one was crying and not nursing as my wife just kept getting more stressed out. What can I do to make this situation any easier? Any ideas? I would say more but my wife does not want me to say too much.
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General Any Ideas??
- Post starter Earthy
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- #3
Thank you, yes, she has dealt with PPD from the first birth. Which has continued on, but she puts so much stress on herself and I understand she cannot help it but it seems like when I try to help it I only make it worse. For example, she does not want to do to our children what her dad did to her, but when they cry she finds herself thinking thoughts of doing the same thing to them that her dad did to her. I try and calm her down but sometimes I just can't and I just do not know all to do to help her.
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amethist
VIP Member
Hi Earthy
Welcome to the forum, and the supporter area.
I fully understand how PPD is effecting your wife, I would suggest she talks to some one about this, even if she keeps the PTSD to herself. Having 2 children so close together, can be overwhelming to those without PTSD, and if she has had PPD since the birth of your first, then it can hit even harder after the birth of the second.
A good suggestion would be for her to stop breast feeding your baby girl altogether, she is 3 months old so will have had a good start. This would take immediate strain off your wife and your baby girl will not feel the stress from your wife so much. This will be no reflection on your wife at all, many nursing mums have to stop, or cannot breast feed from the start, so try and encourage her to do this as soon as possible. Plus if the baby is still night feeding, maybe you could take over a few nights a week, giving your wife that extra time asleep.
Tough as it is, see if you can some how change your routine for a short while, so that you are only feeding one hungry child at a time. It does make meal times longer, but can be a bit easier for a while. Also you could then possibly feed one then the other yourself, giving your wife a bit of a break at least once a day.
Keep asking questions about anything you think we can help with, and let us know how it goes with our suggestions.
Remember to take care of yourself too. It is not selfish to do this, it is important, or you may crash yourself.
Take care.
Amethist.
Welcome to the forum, and the supporter area.
I fully understand how PPD is effecting your wife, I would suggest she talks to some one about this, even if she keeps the PTSD to herself. Having 2 children so close together, can be overwhelming to those without PTSD, and if she has had PPD since the birth of your first, then it can hit even harder after the birth of the second.
A good suggestion would be for her to stop breast feeding your baby girl altogether, she is 3 months old so will have had a good start. This would take immediate strain off your wife and your baby girl will not feel the stress from your wife so much. This will be no reflection on your wife at all, many nursing mums have to stop, or cannot breast feed from the start, so try and encourage her to do this as soon as possible. Plus if the baby is still night feeding, maybe you could take over a few nights a week, giving your wife that extra time asleep.
Tough as it is, see if you can some how change your routine for a short while, so that you are only feeding one hungry child at a time. It does make meal times longer, but can be a bit easier for a while. Also you could then possibly feed one then the other yourself, giving your wife a bit of a break at least once a day.
Keep asking questions about anything you think we can help with, and let us know how it goes with our suggestions.
Remember to take care of yourself too. It is not selfish to do this, it is important, or you may crash yourself.
Take care.
Amethist.
- Post starter
- #8
She cannot stop breastfeeding, she has taken it to the point where if she quits then (as according to her PTSD) she will feel like a failure. This has become a do or die thing according to her for her PTSD with PTSD. She is always feeling like a failure and she had the second one so close together because she was treated like a failure after the first one which only added more to her PTSD.
Lots of mothers for many reasons cannot breastfeed for as long as they would like.
Persevering to breast feed a child who is unhappy,hungry and failing to thrive is in itself failing to do the best by the child,in a case like that,bottle feeding is actualy doing the best thing for the child and therefore discontinuation to breast feed is NOT failing!
Maybe your wifes health practitioner would be able to have a word,or a friend/family who has also had breastfeeding experiance.
Many of the people on here have problems that stem from the fact that thier parent with ptsd could not clearly see the woods for the trees and inadvertently made choices not in the best interest of the child.
Sorry if this seems harsh or out of line,just giving an alternative line of sight,I wish you all well.
Persevering to breast feed a child who is unhappy,hungry and failing to thrive is in itself failing to do the best by the child,in a case like that,bottle feeding is actualy doing the best thing for the child and therefore discontinuation to breast feed is NOT failing!
Maybe your wifes health practitioner would be able to have a word,or a friend/family who has also had breastfeeding experiance.
Many of the people on here have problems that stem from the fact that thier parent with ptsd could not clearly see the woods for the trees and inadvertently made choices not in the best interest of the child.
Sorry if this seems harsh or out of line,just giving an alternative line of sight,I wish you all well.
ISupportHer
Diamond Member
I can't offer any ideas or suggestions about the breast feeding. It sounds like it is very hard on her but also hard on you as you try to "do it all". My primary advice is to make sure YOU have support and resources. A way to decompress away from her. It in no way sounds like you are reacting angrily or anything. Just that all the stress can add up and that if you DO snap back, it is understandable, but will be taken badly.
Glad you are here!
ISH
Glad you are here!
ISH
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