General Anybody Ever Feel Like This.

[havingfaithinthedark]

This could be for everyone in this forum but have you ever just look around and wonder why this is happening to you? The unknown of what the end of the month holds for me is a bit over whelming right now. I hold the fear of my husband saying I can't do this with you here you need to leave. The thought of that is painful.

But as I sit here in our house alone with the kids sleeping I look at all our memories and wonder how he can forget them? How can his love for me turn to hate and my love for him is seen as something bad that stresses him out and makes things worse. How can the night before as this happen we are sitting on the couch laughing and cheering on the Razorbacks in the college series and than going to bed kiss each other good night and tell each other we love them and than cuddle up and fall asleep.

PTSD came and took him in one night and I have been watching him fight and deal with it since then watching him push me away even more. I watched him start drinking more to make the things go away or numb. I watched the way he use to look at me turn to hate and than blame for all that is wrong why he can't get better because I would not just leave him alone to gather his thoughts. Honestly I was afraid to leave him alone. Looking back maybe I should have but I couldn't let him go not with everything that just happen. Just after everything happen with him a very good friend was in a plane crash. I know about it before he did and that night was a rough one so I figured it was better to wait to morning to tell him when I knew more information of how he was doing. His friend did make it but it brought back war dreams and the plane crashing with a vengence. So the drinking got worse.

I have watched him struggle. I have seen the good days and bad days and REALLY bad days. So here we are in this fight to win and I am looking at a divorce possiable because it has gotten to the point of he wants nothing to do with me. One night things had gotten really bad and out of control and we will just say his actions, lead to mine, and mine made it get back to his work and force him to make some changes that he is mad about b/c if he didn't he would lose his career. So there is now added anger to what was already there. Did Never did I think this would happen nor did I want work involved, but a part of me is glad that they did. He was required to stop drinking and has to go to AA and mandatory help with this PTSD. He was going to see someone before but now he has to.

So he has been out of the house for a week and says he is loving it b/c I am not stressing him the f-out and as a result he has not had any anger outburts or war flash backs. He has had a pretty peaceful week.

So ok yes we maybe a part but we have been apart for the last month and some days with no contact at all and he was still having all the problems before and he was drinking. He said well I don't drink as much as I was when you are around.

The really difference this week than from the past month is he has been sober and sleeping and I have been doing my best not to have to talk to him at all. When we do talk its not hateful and the only things he comes up with is because I am not up his butt or stessing him out. Why am I the only one that can see there is another factor not being added this week.

Am I just trying to justify what I had to do so he would stop destroying everything around him including his career. So anyways as I walk around the house looking at what we have built I have a hard time facing the fact that I may lose all of this in 4 weeks and the worst thing about it is he can give it up b/c he doesn't remember any of of us or the good times we have had and our family. And worst of all I just want a hug and not just a hug from anyone I want one from him one where I get wrapped up in his arms and he holds me tight like I am being protected from the world.

I can't stop him from ending our realtionship, but I am not ready to end it up and if he does I kind of feel like its a slap in the face for wanting to stick by his side. I made the promise for sickness and health and I am wanting to learn how I can help him with this PTSD so we can live together, but the sad fact is it may never happen. I just don't want to five up without really trying.

 

[amethist]

I dont know where to start answering you with this one HFitD, maybe there is no answer in the end.

What I will suggest is for now you try and take the emphasis off your relationship, hard as this is, right now all you can do is take good care of you and your children. He has got it into his head that the problems are with your marriage, when the truth is he is struggling holding onto his marriage because of his PTSD.

Some sufferers do struggle big style to keep relationships going, and give so many reasons and excuses as to why, because they cannot explain it any other way.

I am not sure if you have read the following link or not, but from this you will hopefully see that even the stress of getting out of bed in the morning can be too much for some, so a relationship of any kind, can put them way over the top stress wise.

[DLMURL]https://www.ptsdforum.org/c/threads/the-ptsd-cup-explanation.13737/#post-173960[/DLMURL]

Unfortunately it sounds like that what you want from him, he cannot give you right now. It hard and its not fair, but it is what PTSD does to them.

 

[ISupportHer]

Simple answer for the moment is yes.

I think many of us have felt a lot of this. I am fortunate that things are better in my house these days, but I acutely recall feeling like I had to hold onto any positive memory of my relationship before it disappeared like a wisp of smoke. But that statement speaks mostly to the insecurities I have had to face and to improve.

but...........yes, I think many of us have looked at our situations wondering what has happened and what WILL happen.

Hope you can hang in, hang on!

ISH

 

[JohnJohn]

Faith,

I am a guy going down the same path like you. My daughter's mother did the same thing to me about 8 months ago. I have been taking care of our daughter while she runs from relationship anxiety, that likely stems from her first abusive husband she fled from.

I tried to help, bend over backwards and sold my soul for anything that she needed. Unfortunately, we can not compel them to get help, if they choose to run away. I realized I needed to live and take care of my daughter more than keep waiting for my wife to see the error of her ways.

What is best for you is your decision alone to make. But, what holds true is that you must take care of yourself and children. How long you wait, or support your loved one is your call. I believed in forever too, but one faithful person does not make a relationship.

Take care of you and loved ones as best as you can, just never forget that you deserve to live too.

 

[here4him]

I am nowhere near as deep into a relationship as you are, but this post helped me see that some of the feelings I've had aren't just in my head. I've been sitting here wondering how a month ago he was texting me all day. He'd send pictures of what he was eating, goofy stories, complaining about his kids, etc. Then, we'd talk every night for at least an hour. He was initiating 80% of the contact. Then, in a matter of days, it felt like everything I did or said made him mad. He said it had nothing to do with me and that he was just in a "nasty funk", but now I realize the stress of me just talking to him was probably the cause of the "nasty funk". Just texting him to tell him goodnight and that I really cared about him would irritate him. I kept wondering how things had gone so horribly wrong in such a short period of time. I knew it was PTSD, but it still confused me.

We're still Facebook friends and I have noticed his updates getting lighter. Instead of everything he posts being angry and military related (he has combat PTSD), he's posting things like how he's going to just cut to the chase and cut his nose off to avoid blowing it anymore. He is responding to friend's posts. I can tell he feels better and, while I want him to feel better, part of it hurts because I realize I was the one hurting him just by caring about him. Yet, I've not stopped caring about him at all. I just have to care from afar and miss him at the same time and it really sucks, but I'll do it because that's what it means to truly care about someone.

 

[havingfaithinthedark]

dark days we are now starting to talk again and not just go round for round with hateful words. As we have become less tunneled vision we can see other things now. What each of us were doing and trying to fix those. I have a lot of things to work on and so does he, but we are making progress. i don't know where we will end up but for now I am at peace with how things are. Mostly because they are better than months ago. We are working on being friends again and building from there. I have shifted the focus I had on him to myself and been working on me. I have a job now and my own life. We still live together but in different rooms. The best way I can put it is I went from the nice girl/doormat to the confident/bitchy/hold her own girl again. He tells me just relax and things will fall in place. He said you can't fix me so please leave it up to me. I have learned that the days he wants to be pissy I just let it go and it is amazing the outcome after.

here4him It is funny how once the "nasty funk" of PTSD kicks in they shut down and how normal things they seemed to loved are irritating now. I have been there done that and I too have backed away. There is a book that you might want to read. It’s called Why Men love Bitches. Some of the things we do as girls come across guys different so what I have noticed is when the PTSD is in full force these things we do trigger them quicker just because they can't deal with it. Many times they feel like we are needy, and let’s be honest now how many times do you feel needy when things shift so fast as they can with PTSD. The more we try to connect again the more they run away. Give the book a try it’s a good read, and sometimes go to just go back over now and than.

 

[here4him]

dark days we are now starting to talk again and not just go round for round with hateful words. As we have become less tunneled vision we can see other things now. What each of us were doing and trying to fix those. I have a lot of things to work on and so does he, but we are making progress. i don't know where we will end up but for now I am at peace with how things are. Mostly because they are better than months ago. We are working on being friends again and building from there. I have shifted the focus I had on him to myself and been working on me. I have a job now and my own life. We still live together but in different rooms. The best way I can put it is I went from the nice girl/doormat to the confident/bitchy/hold her own girl again. He tells me just relax and things will fall in place. He said you can't fix me so please leave it up to me. I have learned that the days he wants to be pissy I just let it go and it is amazing the outcome after.

here4him It is funny how once the "nasty funk" of PTSD kicks in they shut down and how normal things they seemed to loved are irritating now. I have been there done that and I too have backed away. There is a book that you might want to read. It’s called Why Men love Bitches. Some of the things we do as girls come across guys different so what I have noticed is when the PTSD is in full force these things we do trigger them quicker just because they can't deal with it. Many times they feel like we are needy, and let’s be honest now how many times do you feel needy when things shift so fast as they can with PTSD. The more we try to connect again the more they run away. Give the book a try it’s a good read, and sometimes go to just go back over now and than.

Haha! I have read both that book and Why Men Marry Bitches!