Anyone Else Always Searching?

[Sing2me]

I've always been a loner and tend to have a gypsy soul. I always feel like I'm longing to go home, like something is calling to me, but home is not here. Does anyone else feel this way? Like they don't belong and have an irresistible desire for freedom.

 

[kagamine]

I definitely get what you're saying. I haven't lived in one place for more than 6 months since I left home. I'm always looking for something, I can't say what, but I can't settle. I itch when I stay somewhere for too long, and get claustrophobic.

If I had the money I'd just backpack through Europe, but I'm way too broke.

 

[Chava]

I actually tend to stick in a place for a long time, but I'm mostly a loner and fiercely independent. For me, a feeling of searching or occupying myself with new adventures sometimes has a way of distracting me from the present or my real feelings of emptiness. I'm better at feeling okay right here, or feeling "at home" when I'm in a better spiritual place and also feel like my sense of self is less blurred or disconnected. I try to balance my free spirit with also staying connected and present...creatively occupied but not necessarily distracted or disconnected from myself. Artwork helps. But I still haven't solved the deep problem of feeling lost and empty at times.

 

[afuneralinmybrain]

Yeah, I feel like I'm a free spirit without the ability. My therapist actually told me he thought the same. It's hard to feel like you're nomadic but not being able to move.
BTW, for future reference, I get what you're trying to get across with "gypsy soul", but I'm Romani and most of us consider "gypsy" a racial slur. :)

 

[Sing2me]

I assure you I meant no harm or insults to anyone

 

[WillyKat]

Growing up, I always felt like I didn't belong "here" or didn't belong "now" (at this moment in history), or both. So yeah I get what you're saying. I still feel that way, and judging by how popular books and movies are about other times or other places, we're not alone.

But…time travel ain't possible and moving sometimes doesn't achieve what you hope it will. My therapist says "remember the old saying, 'wherever you go, there you are'." Meaning, the baggage we have now will go with us to the new town, new state, etc.

 

[violetclouds]

I don't have the desire to travel around and have no roots but I do yearn for the place that is 'home' and do not find it. I want that safe place, like a lot of people feel when they go 'home' to the place they grew up in to visit their parents - I just don't have it. Lost in the world and without roots. That's me.

 

[Dana1010]

the baggage we have now will go with us to the new town, new state, etc.

Yeah, but I'm wondering if moving on would be easier without the constant reinforcement of familiar places, people, routines, etc.

 

[risingsun]

Like they don't belong and have an irresistible desire for freedom.

I feel like that too. I feel i didn't belong at my workplace, my university, my neighborhood, even my church that I left. We need to move out of this place we rent soon. It just isn't home. Anyway, I feel like I haven't found my people yet; the people I can be comfortable with, that accept me for who I am, that stay with me through difficulty, that truly 'see' me. I know in my heart that someday I will meet these people, that I will feel a sense of peace and belonging. This is the longing of my soul; my prayer everyday. It is my deepest prayer for you as well. Best to you. Don't give up. If this is calling to you, then you will find this. I believe it is waiting for you. Rising Sun.

 

[Friday]

Home is where my pillow is.

I'm honestly more at home in hotels, trains, planes, a mostly rock free section of dirt, than I am in houses and apartments. Especially hotels. Hello daily maid service!!! Love that. Plus showers on demand. But I can wing it just about wherever.

Sleep is a biological function. Like peeing. It can be done just about anywhere. Bathing and cooking is a little bit more challenging.

I don't know if my ideal is to actually have a home somewhere to return to, or to just live life on the move. I've been "here" for half of forever (technically 1/4 of my life) and while there are mountains nearby for sliding down, there not a lot else. I like deserts and oceans and snow and GPS coordinates and subways and museums and languages, and and and. I honestly don't think I have a "home". This isn't the place where I would choose to settle down, but this is where my son is and custody agreements are a bitch. Even so, I leave here as often as possible.

 

[passerine]

Yes!!! What you've said really resonates with me, @Cherokee. I have always been a loner and had a nomadic like spirit. I've moved a lot in the last ten years, always searching for "home", but never quite finding it. I haven't experienced a sense of belonging in any one place. It's like I'm always just "passing through" wherever I go, but never fully grounded and secure. I think a lot of this has to do with the fact that I'm not yet feeling safe in the world and able to be fully present in it. I'm still running scared, really.

 

[Tanishq]

Yes Cherokee, I am like that. I always find myself in search. Just slightest pop up of interesting subject in my mind energizes me to think over it. I try to understand. I used to think I am crazy, but now I think there are people like me,too.

I guess, this is fine. It's what and who we are. No shame. It helps us to learn more and save us from many heartaches. Yes, I can relate to everything you wrote. Hope you are well today.

:tup: Cherokee.