telling me that she was going to do it, and I tried to talk her out of it, and she didn't answer for a while.. So I started to think she actually did it, and I went into a full-blown panic attack
I had a friend do this to me a couple weeks ago via Facebook messaging. I managed to send the police to his house. I never did hear from him, but I knew a woman who was friends with his sister who told me he didn't do anything. That he was deeply disturbed. It was a horrible, horrible, experience on this end.
For me, guilt definitely started at a young age. I don't remember a time without it. There are probably many reasons why, they really don't matter to me. The reasons why aren't as important as the ways to fix it.
I had a therapist point out that I felt guilty for things that I really should not feel guilty for. I was 16. He told me that if an earthquake happened in California, I'd probably feel responsible for that. I still get that way at times. If I'm worried that I did something to upset someone, for whatever reasons, even if I can't think of one, if it goes around and around in my head, I will make myself ask. Even at the risk of looking stupid or vulnerable. The peace of mind is more important to me.
I apologize way too often to my husband simply for being me. I think he puts up with a good deal more then he should. I really, really, apologize when I am not feeling well. I'll actually start crying because I feel so guilty for being sick.
It's really difficult at times. I have gotten better over the years. For one thing I refuse to take blame for my parent's behavior while I was growing up, or, even, their behavior now. (well now it's just my dad). It definitely wasn't always this way. It really lifts a weight off your shoulders. At least it did mine.
