Anyone Else Feeling Unsupported?

[Friday]

- Sometimes I bury my questions in length (walls of text), because I know very well that few if any people will be able to read them. Do I want answers? Yes/no/maybe so. It's a confusing thing. Both the "I need to ask a fairly simple thing" & the protective measures in burying them. Scratches 2 itches.

- Sometimes I am literally unable to organize my mind. The longer my posts get? Typically the worse off I'm doing. When I'm doing well, I can concise things up. When I'm doing badly I can't pick the socks out of the clean clothes, but am just left staring at the giant pile of clean clothes pretty cluelessly. They're in there somewhere. But I can't see them. Wait. What am I lookin for? I think.... Dammit! I am not purposefully attempting to beat around the bush. I simply cannot tell where the f*ck the bush is. Military parlance is "spray & pray". It's frustrating as blazes. Especially here, as I know many if not most people will also be unable to sort through the massive amount of information to find the piece I can't find, either. But I still want them to. When I'm lucky one or two people might be able to help me sort it. I then usually shrink it, think on it for a time, and repost it if I still need help. As expected? Then a lot of others can lend a shoulder.

- Sometimes I need to write everything out, in order to understand it myself. Usually, I cut out 95% (and either stick it in my diary or save it to a blog, or journal, or whatever... Other times I simply delete it), at that point. How I got from a-Z doesn't help other people answer a question. It helps me know my own mind. Sometimes I accidentally post the whole thing. Did that recently. It's vexing.

- Sometimes I need to write it all out just for myself. For a variety of reasons. Again, I've been learning to stick these in my diary.

 

[scout86]

"Second anon", I remember reading that thread. I didn't reply because I have no idea what would be helpful. Kind of the same with this topic. I don't know what "support" IS for the OP.

I suspect a lot of factors go into what posts get a lot of replies. Timing, maybe? Weekends tend to be slow? I tend to be lazy and read what's on the front page when I log in and then keep up on what ever topics I've decided to watch, which are a minority. I feel a bit awkward contributing if all I have to contribute is "I feel your pain". To ME, with my world view, that's not helpful or supportive, it's a waste of everyone's time. I don't actually know that there aren't people out there who WOULD find it supportive though..... The thread that you linked to? That's an interesting topic for me. Not only don't I know how to ask, I don't know that it's ok, or when it's ok, or what I actually "need" that asking might be useful for..... Big topic. But I have NO insight at all into solutions to the problem. Maybe that's common and very few people here have that kind of insight.

I've noticed a couple of comments lately about a difference in the atmosphere, less support? more "mean?". I'm wondering what I'm missing, because I seem to be missing something. (I haven't noticed, in other words.)

 

[Friday]

I am the second "anon" who posted previously, not the OP.
.
Awhile ago JustMeHere posted about how people tend to reply to certain kinds of topics, ie the ones that are a bit more controversial while the ones where people reach out for help are oftentimes largely ignored. Its as if WE are replicating the behavior that is seen in society..... React to the sensational stuff (ie on every social media site out there) but ignore those who have genuine problems. Isn't this what has been done to ALL of us? So why do we do it to each other?

I disagree in both substance and principle. I think most people here genuinely want to help... But that there naturally are some topics which most of us have either an understanding of or opinion of (why social threads have zillions of answers), while others become very focused and only a few people have an understanding or opinion on. The more focused a question gets? Oft times the fewer who can respond. Like in your last post, Anon2 (anonydos!)... Exposed? Something I can speak to. Exposed for your specific reasons? Nope. In fact, I'm pretty much in the opposite boat. Sometimes I'll post a dissenting view. More often, not.

That's true with most subjects. "Everyone" has an opinion on _______ (whether a bridge should be built). It's controversial. Yes/No/Dont care. A select number of people are directly affected, and they'll be affected in different ways (residents, commuters, workers). An even more select number of people can have a spirited debate as to the cost benefit analysis as to the individual components of the materials to be used in structural engineering of the bridge (steel v concrete v glowing light / aka whatever). And then a teeny tiny percentage cans debate the merits of xyz2squared (specific type of steel/concrete/glowing light) vs xyz3squared (a near identical type) and the stresses to those components over time & whether they were manufactured in Malaysia or Luxembourg.

It's one of those things where the more detail is added? The fewer people feel qualified (much less are qualified!) to answer.

So there's a knack : specific enough to get the right kind of responses (if you're looking for resident views, not getting construction worker views), but not so specific you disqualify most people from answering.

And then there's luck & timing. If someone posts something I'd loooooove to answer/ think about/ talk about...but am having a bad week? Not gonna happen. Or if I'm simply busy? I often miss stuff I'm super glad gets bumped up again, later. I usually don't know how/why I missed it, but it's awesome the post comes back around! I've had a couple people shoot me a PC... Linking the post, or asking me essentially the same Q. And ditto, when I've wanted someone else's specific opinion? I usually PC them.

 

[sun seeker]

I'm still a bit surprised that I only got two responses.

Got it. I was thinking you meant you had posted in the anonymous forum, which is yet another kettle of fish. I remember that thread, and why I didn't respond to it. First, it was a longish post, and I've been getting very little sleep, so my attention span was limited. Had it been a post from someone I recognized, I might have persisted. Had it been a topic I was already following, I would have persisted. Had it been an anonymous post, but shorter, I would have read it and responded if I'd had anything to say. The combination though, with my energy level, didn't work.

I have a comment to make now I've read it, but I'll put that on your thread so as not to take over this one.

 

[shimmerz]

Some days i just can't think. Like today. I am blown out. Unless something is simple Simon i can barely get through a posting and make sense of it. It doesn't mean i don't care. As far as the mean goes- yes sometimes i see that. Ashamed to say sometimes i am that. Some days i don't read stuff properly and react. That isn't about the poster though. That is my failure.

 

[sun seeker]

Some days i just can't think. Like today. I am blown out.

It comes with the territory, doesn't it? This is by definition a forum for people who are struggling mightily just to get through the day. That we can do that and still offer each other enough support that there is a unanimous verdict that we'd rather ask for support from other sufferers than elsewhere, is a testimony to our strength. High fives to everyone all around.:tup: (Can't find an emoticon for that.)

I don't see you being mean. I hope I'm not either. If it has ever come out that way, towards anyone here, I apologize. It is never my intent.

 

[anthony]

The forum and community at large have nothing to do with the responses you get. Responses are derived by many factors, starting at the subject, whether it's a rant, question or otherwise, how the poster has interacted with other members here, emotions provoked in the reader, the day posted, the time of year posted, how well a post is written and constructed, and the list goes on.

There are many factors at play... the community overall is not more or less supportive. The community just is. Nothing more, nothing less. Meeting those factors is what provokes people to read, or read and respond.

 

[shimmerz]

Some people are here for very selfish reasons and never even bother to try and help anyone else.

Wow. I hadn't read this one. I have to say that I have stayed up until all hours of the night helping people who are suicidal, freaked out, upset, sad. I think that should matter. I did see the other anon posting this morning because I did care enough to try to guess what post the OP was speaking of here. I had better things to do. Certainly I had better things to do with this attitude. I haven't been on the board much the past couple of days because my world is caving in on me. By the time I found the posting, I had to run out and do stuff that is critical to my survival.

The reason I am here is to help. Tons of people are. Many of us apologize for posting too much because they feel they are draining others. I am sorry, but i wonder as to the attitude of this. I am not here to get tons of people responding to my posts. If anyone can help then I am very appreciative. If nobody can help, then it isn't because people here aren't here to help anyone else. I find that to be very critical of a community that, well, I can't even fathom the manpower in hours that are shared here.

This isn't a personality contest. The anon post that you are speaking of is vague. You said yourself at the end that you didn't know where the post was going. Perhaps it was too vague as to what you wanted. I can't read it right now, I am too spun out from the past couple of days. I don't care for the accusatory manner that you are putting across to people who do genuinely give on this board.

 

[Wastinglight]

Sometimes I feel a bit like this, but it seems to me the forum ebbs and flows in terms of how many responses I get and what kind of advice/support I get at any given time. Some days I definitely feel disappointed that I didn't get more comments on the threads I've written where I'm feeling really anxious about an issue and need outside perspectives. I suspect people who otherwise might comment on my thread sometimes miss it - the forum does seem pretty busy at the moment. Maybe try posting a follow-up comment on a thread that you really want advice on, if it's been a few days since it was last commented on? That will bring it to the top of the list in that category. I tried that this morning - I'll let you know if it works!! ;)

 

[anthony]

Can't quite pinpoint why, but I don't post much, so when I do, I am really struggling.

So you feel entitled to support when you're struggling? Yet don't post much, by admission, thus providing little, if any, support to others?

Sounds to me like living in a glass house and throwing stones, with a sense of entitlement that others should be here to support you when struggling, but you not return the same courtesy. This very logic is a cognitive bias, which is why I harp so much about negative thinking styles.

 

[Kefira]

Interesting. I've changed what I wanted to say about three times reading down.

The reason I am here is to help. Tons of people are.

I'm here to help. I'm not always actively posting, in fact I know I don't post as much as I would like to. Often, that's because I'm self-censoring. Especially as the talk about people being mean and short comes around more and more, I'm less inclined to speak my mind unless I know the person or have seen how they react to responses. I'm not everybody's cup of tea. And that's okay. But I don't want to wonder if I've upset anyone, because I'm still working on my own issues with needing to be a people pleaser.

Moreso, I hate leaving responses I don't feel have substance. If I don't know I have something to add to a conversation, I probably won't post. If I haven't been there to have insight, it's unlikely I'll be able to say much more than "I see/respect your pain". Unless someone's ASKING in the post just for understanding and not feeling alone, I don't find that to be particularly helpful, so I don't tend to do it unless I know/care about the person or I notice there aren't any responses because no one knows what to say.

I guess I'm just expressing unexpected frustration and wondering if anyone is feeling unsupported as well?

I think a fair number of us end up here because we are unsupported in our outside lives, and that is magnified by the symptoms we experience. It seems fairly natural that that would mean it is easy to feel unsupported here: people DO care, but you're on an online forum with a bunch of people you will never meet face to face and no way to tell what's going on with any of them. Maybe really consider reads as well as replies, think about how many people took the time out of their day and whatever was going on with them to at least read what you wrote, and of those how many also cared enough to write something to you. Even if it's one or two people, that matters.

Not replying to the Anon posts is a bit of a slap in the face to some of us......I think that was sort of the point in WHY I posted as Anon.....I mean I was afraid to reach out for help (the topic of the thread itself!) and then only got a few replies, one of which told me it was a therapy issue.

I'm sorry, but even if you're afraid to reach out for help no one's obligated to respond to your thread. And if they don't it's probably not a personal affront (particularly if it's posted anonymously). Being told that they don't have advice but maybe a therapist would is valid and means that they cared enough to take the time to write it and to give you their best advice, which was that you needed a personalized plan to work through it (something they can't provide you via this medium even if any of us were qualified to do so). I can understand being afraid to post. But perhaps it would be worthwhile to look into why working on reaching out isn't enough. You got a couple responses so if that wasn't sufficient what would be a "successful" post for you. Maybe consider why that number is whatever it is.

After all, you can't control other people. In my personal opinion a popularity mentality isn't particularly helpful in healing, better to have a goal like "I find it difficult to share my emotions so I want to write a well constructed post and have the bravery to hit the button and put it out there" rather than "This post is only of value if it garners many responses".

Just my really long rant to basically say, I think this is a supportive place as long as you're realistic about what to expect from a group of random people on the internet who all happen to be suffering from a mental illness and will have all the ups and downs that come with that.

 

[anthony]

I think this is a supportive place as long as you're realistic about what to expect from a group of random people on the internet who all happen to be suffering from a mental illness and will have all the ups and downs that come with that.

I do like that one...