Anyone Else Have Family Members Who Pester You About How You're Doing?

[Kashi]

Like I have this sister who always asks me what's wrong whenever I use the rubber band snapping trick to relieve my stress. It's like she wants to make my problems public. And then there's my mom, who's always worried about me. Whenever I try to get some time to think by myself, she gets upset because she sees me upset. And that just makes me more upset. Why can't I ever have some time to think ALONE? People around me keep telling me not to get stuck in my own mind, but I'm always in check with it. I can leave my mind when I'm ready. Being forced to not focus on myself just makes me really insecure. I hate insecurity. And I feel like trash because I enjoy reminiscing sometimes about my past, putting my family in even MORE worry. I don't know if I want to live alone, but life without someone always worrying about me would be easier on me.

 

[Meadowsweet]

I'd be grateful to have someone who cared enough to worry about my mental health.

I think, rather than being negative about people who worry, you could perhaps look at how you could communicate what you need from them and what distresses you without blaming them for not knowing.

 

[Tanishq]

wants to make my problems public.

I have so many people like this and now I just let them go. No point in trying to explain things to them.

Kashi, try letting go all of them by wishing wellness to them. First few days you will feel new, after then there is only magic of it. :D

Does this help?

 

[onesie]

I get frustrated too. Mad at having to think about it, explain myself, or have anyone pitying me.

 

[therisa]

@Kashi , I can relate and understand your frustration, as my mom is, the type of person, who drops everything and rushes to my side, if she thinks, I'm depressed or feeling sad, when I want "me" time. It was through one such episode that I outed myself to her, as a transwoman. At the time, I was 36 years old adult, who live 3 hour drive from her place. It has got to the point, I had to break all contact from her, for the sake of my own mental health.

 

[Echo]

Hi @Kashi, when my memories of child abuse started to emerge, they were coming very piecemeal and I didn't know what to make of them. I didn't want to tell anyone in the family because my father was the abuser, albeit years ago. Unfortunately, within the first fortnight my sister said she had guessed what was going on for me and started pressing me for information. It took me some while to confide in her because I didn't know if it had happened to her, too (she says it hadn't), so I eventually started to tell her little bits. I was and am still very unsure about what status to accord the memories and they are still fragmentary. The thing I found really hard and still do, is that whatever I say, and however I try to explain how trauma memories work, she wants FACTS, and she wants the full memory and proof. It makes me feel very wobbly and unsure about everything and it really has not helped my self-doubt.

I'm not suggesting you do the same, but I have, for other reasons as well as this, cut off from my family for the time being, because I desperately need to process all of this on my own and discover what my body wants to tell me. I'm hoping in a way that some of the memories get fully fleshed out so that I can be sure of my ground before I decide what I want to do. Like you I have longed for a clear space just to let it all happen, and to think and try and understand what is happening. We have to grieve and be sad, that's part of the processing. Your family needs to understand this. I hope you can find a way to make them get it, and I hope they start to listen and understand.

 

[Barconian]

Why can't I ever have some time to think ALONE?

Because people need you :(

 

[PureDogs]

@Kashi

I don't mind if my family ask me about it once in while but not every time. For example, When I visited my mom and she would ask me if I have any flashback often and ask if it is about my mom or something relating with my past. I do find that annoy when I'm asked repetitively.

When this happens I would tell that I will share when I am ready to open up.

I think that people like them needs to be more educate, understanding, how to support instead of repetitively ask too often.

I wonder if any one of you have similar experience as mine?

 

[TimeToHeal]

Over time I have discovered that people who act this way -- constantly asking if I'm ok, not getting the need for quiet or alone time, etc. -- do so because they don't understand the process, or PTSD in general. Sometimes those who care about us may even feel the need to "fix" it.

Perhaps you could suggest your mom read up on PTSD (that is, presuming she knows your diagnosis, or you're willing to share it with her). Maybe you could even get a book and give it to her!

 

[PureDogs]

@TimeToHeal

That would be good idea!

Thanks for your suggestion.

 

[Hope4Now]

@Kashi I get this. Part of me deeply appreciates that people care about me and want me to be well. Yet when they ask all the time, it makes me feel terribly pressured--like I must hurry up and get over all this. My mother is particularly difficult. She has no understanding at all of what PTSD is, and I don't think she would be cognitively or emotionally able to understand it. Almost every day she asks, "Are you better now?"

I think the trick is setting boundaries. While it may be important for those who care about you to understand PTSD and symptoms, etc., it is even more important for you to set comfortable boundaries with them (like @Echo says she did). I cannot stop seeing/talking to my mother, but what I keep repeating to her is, "You need to stop asking me about this. It makes things worse for me. I will bring it up when I want to talk about it." So, there's the advice. It has been a big fail for me because my mother is unable to respect any boundaries I set, but I keep trying. My goal is to get her to agree to stop asking me if I agree to provide her with an update on my status once a month.

Perhaps you can find a way to be very clear with your family in a way they will respect? Sometimes all it takes is is a really clear articulation of a) how you are feeling about what the other person says or does, and b) your request for what you would like them to do, and c) what you can do to help meet their needs for information/reassurance.

 

[It's all my fault]

For my mothers constant inquisition, I just lie and say I'm fine. It's what she wants to hear anyway. If I tell her I'm struggling she just sighs constantly and makes me feel worried for her.......again! So, I lie, tell her I'm all better, she says oh good, good, good then 2 weeks later she finds out I'm not. Rinse and repeat. At this point I do what is the easiest for me, and right now this is easiest. She couldn't fix it then, caused most of it as a child and I can't expect her to fix it in her old age. Good luck. As far as my friends and family, they are privy to some of this. it's been a long 3 years so when they ask, depending on who they are, I basically sugar coat it. If I tell them the truth, I just feel like a failure so again, this is easiest for me. I let my therapist help me to deal with the real truth and all the ugliness it brings.