Anyone Have Thoughts About Hurting The Person That Hurt Them?

[Anrish]

I never thought about hurting them. I'm still too scared and I still don't want to get so close to any of those persons that I could hurt them. They shall just stay away - in real and in my mind.

Funny thing is that my best friend dreamt how she was punshing my former boyfriend (who bullied me the most). It was ridiculous because she's not sporty and he's good in martial arts but she enjoyed the dream. :rolleyes:

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I've spent 20 years of my life in fear, being angry , using alcohol as a saviour, the pain the fear anxiety and anger have all been there, it's taken twenty years of therapy of all sorts to try and sort my head out, many years ago I turned up at one of the abusers home with a knife it's only coz of my friend who saved from having blood on my handscNd losing my children. I'm tired of wanting revenge coz il never get it I'm tired of being angry coz I never win , I'm tired of all the flashbacks that will prob be with me forever , that's y I've given up these emotions coz I can't fight anymore , I've tried to rebuild my life but am still haunted With the effects of rape and 8 years of daily hourly physical emotional and phyco logical abuse, I just want peace , who knows one day I may get it but not so sure. I spent 15 years blaming myself coz they had literally mashed my head up in believing it was me, I still have days when I question my sanity and if only I did this and that nd told someone then maybe I would have been in a better place now, who what why where nd how I've questioned everything , but still don't get the answers. Hindsight is great!!!!

 

[xena21]

I've tried to rebuild my life but am still haunted With the effects of rape and 8 years of daily hourly physical emotional and phyco logical abuse, I just want peace , who knows one day I may get it but not so sure. I spent 15 years blaming myself coz they had literally mashed my head up in believing it was me, I still have days when I question my sanity and if only I did this and that nd told someone then maybe I would have been in a better place now, who what why where nd how I've questioned everything , but still don't get the answers.

That is why I want someone else to pay for my pain. Why should I be the only one to have been afraid? Why should I be the only one to have paid for what they did to me? My years of suffering are on them. They need to know and whether or not they own up to it...laugh, joke about it, don't care, whatever...just pointing it in their face and saying I'm not afraid of you now would be a relief. They could see that I am still alive. Maybe they will question what I can really do to hurt them. Even just that question is a win for me. Relief in just knowing the confrontation was over would be a great thing. An even better thing, would be to KNOW that nobody else was hurt by this person. I have no idea how to do that though. They won't just give that information up.

I have no fear anymore. My only fear is about how I treat myself. I hurt myself more than anyone could hurt someone else. That's why I'm looking for other answers. I need to find justice...not this worlds justice because I know how it works. I worked as a law enforcement agent. That never helps a sexual abuse survivor...believe me...I need my own justice. I don't want them dead. I want them to feel AFRAID. Do you know what I mean. I want them to feel that fear that we all felt. Somehow they need to feel that fear. That is my goal, but I don't know how to get there yet.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I do know how u feel but they will Neva feel that fear, if they did they wouldn't have abused in the first place as they would have feared God, or the law or the consequences if their actions . U r only gonna destroy yourself more in this process , I r do hope u achieve it but somehow I don't think you will good luck and be safe x

 

[TonyG]

I know that you are all talking about people that hurt you both physically and mentally but the people that caused me to be this way died in my arms in a horrific way and I would give anything to bring them back,

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I'm so sorry to hear that but everyone's trauma is different , some of us have been hurt horrifically which us y wed want them to suffer , urs is obviously very different. Naturally I wouldnt want to hurt anyone coz not in my personality to do that but hurt is a very strong emotion and is dealt with differently depending in personal circumstances. I sincerely hope u recieve the support you need.

 

[Hashi]

I need to find justice...not this worlds justice because I know how it works. I worked as a law enforcement agent. That never helps a sexual abuse survivor...believe me...I need my own justice. I don't want them dead. I want them to feel AFRAID. Do you know what I mean. I want them to feel that fear that we all felt. Somehow they need to feel that fear. That is my goal

While I understand this I think it's not a realistic goal. I'm sorry. They will probably never feel that fear, whatever you do.

You probably really don't want to hear this, but if you want this so badly and are so invested in it, then I think the power is still with them and not with you.

They need to know and whether or not they own up to it...laugh, joke about it, don't care, whatever...just pointing it in their face and saying I'm not afraid of you now would be a relief

Here, I think you're onto something. Speaking your truth without any investment in the reaction - that really is powerful.

I'm worried from other things you say that the reaction is important to you.

To be honest, I think they would be most afraid of you if you didn't need them to feel fear.

I spent a lot of time working with a therapist on "acting out" feelings like this in a safe way. I can't tell you how many scenarios I wrote and pictures I drew and imaginary situations I dreamt up. All healing fantasy. I think it's really unlikely in real life to get a response we would want from people who have hurt and abused us. The worse their actions were, the more reason for them to not let themselves recognise that or allow themselves to feel anything.

This may not be any help to someone else, but I personally believe there is some sort of life review for each of us when we die, and that's the point at which people who have tyrannised us get to feel the enormity of what they did, with no escape into denial, excuses or defensiveness. I've "recorded" messages to them for that time (have said them aloud with the intention that they will hear them then). For me, that's when I know they will feel accountable, shamed, afraid.

 

[xena21]

unlike them I have a heart and wouldn't want to hurt their children by hurting their father , I'm a believer in God so personally feel I'd like to leave to him as I'm sure the punishment they will recieve will be a lot more severe than mine!

I hear you. I never wanted to hurt a soul. I was brought up in a very religious household and actually still do believe in God very strongly. That is the battle that rages in side me. The problem I have is that I worry about the people they are intervening and dealing with now. I feel responsible because I know what a monster this person is. Despite the children, and because of the children this person has...I feel compelled to do something to make this situation right. This person needs to be held accountable for others to see. His children need to know who he is, and everyone should know what type of person he is. What other people has he hurt? I'm not saying I will kill him or beat him...I'm saying I would confront him and make him see the damage he has done and then explain it to his family that he has now.

 

[Namenotdiagnosis]

I c wat u saying but pointless for me. Coz I'm tired of fighting, and literally doing my own head in, I can't waste the rest of my life on heartless people who hurt others, one day his kids will c him for wat he is and his wife too. But not up to me to show that she married a minster unfortunately she will have to discover that herself, my story is v complicated and one day maybe il share the full contents of it, but this moment in time I sincerely believe it's not my problem n e more, selfish? Prob not , coz I'm left with cptsd but that's not his wife or kids problem, who knows ? He may have changed and if he has good luck to all of em coz I'm dun in!!!

 

[WillyKat]

You know, taking care of yourself and setting aside thinking about our abusers is a form of revenge.

They want us to be depressed, emotionally hurt. They want us to not heal and to feel hopeless.

Healing from this, as hard as it is sometimes, is revenge. They hate it! They hate that we are on forums, speaking our truths and helping each other heal. It makes it harder for them to do what they do; it makes it harder for them to abuse others. When all those that have been hurt band together, its harder for them to hurt others.

So don't discount how much focussing on yourself does throw a monkey wrench into their s**t!