Anyone here regret being there

[LuckiLee]

Wow. Seriously?? ^^^ They compared trauma which caused PTSD to a rocky relationship and hurt feelings? That's messed up. IMHO. ✌ & ❤

 

[Ronin]

Sounds like one of those types confusing type of trauma and severity of hurt feelings. :/ Not saying it is right, just that I can see where that logic could come from.

 

[B0103mcus]

Wow. Seriously?? ^^^ They compared trauma which caused PTSD to a rocky relationship and hurt feelings? That's messed up. IMHO. ✌ & ❤

Well you dont know the story and what had occurred prior to my relationship with him and then his similar actions because of the triggered behavior. Trauma is trauma. No one person's trauma is similar and comparable. Perhaps for you it may be a rocky relationship and hurt feelings but for others there may be much more that occurs and we stay because we understand that isn't the person they are and we know they are fighting for normality and sanity. It's the illness. But it doesn't change the impact it has on the sufferers mental well-being, emotional well-being, and physical health. No I didn't have combat traumas but I did experience the the aftermath of the effects in him which were taken out on me and put me in situations that were traumatizing.

 

[B0103mcus]

Well you dont know the story and what had occurred prior to my relationship with him and then his similar actions because of the triggered behavior. Trauma is trauma. No one person's trauma is similar and comparable. Perhaps for you it may be a rocky relationship and hurt feelings but for others there may be much more that occurs and we stay because we understand that isn't the person they are and we know they are fighting for normality and sanity. It's the illness. But it doesn't change the impact it has on the sufferers mental well-being, emotional well-being, and physical health. No I didn't have combat traumas but I did experience the the aftermath of the effects in him which were taken out on me and put me in situations that were traumatizing.

I meant affect on supporter. I wasn't trying to hijack the thread. The context in which the therapist said that to him and us was to not compare each other in the traumas, but to give him insight into the impact his behavior and words have on others and how they can also trigger someone else's past traumas. It was being done to assist in self awareness with mindfulness in emotional regulation and communication and to help change the destructive behaviors and thought process.

 

[Friday]

they took it they then promised the sun, moon, and stars in return for how much they didn't give before,

I don’t put a whole lot of stock in the future, outside of favours & debts (same thing, really) & generalised plans (that are always subject to change). I take note, for sure, but I don’t typically depend on it.

As an example... If I lend money? I immediately write it off. I never expect to see it again, and certainly don’t count on having it, again. So I don’t lend money I need to get back, and rarely lend money I want back. So when someone does pay me back? Sweet! If they don’t? I wasn’t counting on it, anyway.

So when someone is promising X for Y? Shrug. Same deal. I don’t really expect X. I take note that they offered, but I don’t base my decision off of it. Am I happy giving Y without X? <<< The question I ask myself.

I also pay pretty close attention to what they’re promising. If it’s some kind of always & forever (or never ever) nonsense? My estimation of their intelligence/experience just took a nosedive.

So when I give? I don’t expect anything in return.
When I make plans? I always have alternates.

The future is too unstable a creature for me to even concieve of relying on it. Now. In this moment. What am I willing to do?

Are there exceptions to this? Of course. Always. I do a job, I expect to be paid, for example. And if I’m not I’ll take steps to clear the debt. I simply don’t view personal relationships as tit for tat / don’t operate that way. Relationships can have a f*ckload of expectations attached to them, I just don’t count the future as one of them. Even my marriage vows allowed for unseen futures. Included neither a till death do we part, nor made the vows contingent on love (for as long as love shall last). Because a future might come when we wanted to divorce, or were no longer in love, but staying together. I make promises very carefully, and vows even more so. I can’t promise anyone the future, nor can they promise me what hasn’t happened, yet.