Apathy

[Ice_Fire]

I'm not feeling properly depressed at the moment. Nor am I feeling anything positive. Or anything else for that matter. Just sort of empty. I don't really know how to proceed with anything because I don't have the motivation or enthusiasm. I've literally spent this weekend in bed or knitting, despite having other things to do because I simply don't care. Well, no, I do care about the outcome of things, but it's a distant feeling that I can't apply to the here and now. So instead I just seem to be going through the motions of waking up, dealing with the day and going to bed.

I've been feeling so much recently that this is a shock to the system. I've gone through everything lately, related to my trauma and therapy, as well as my day to day life. But now it's as if I've simply run out of emotion. Like there's nothing left to feel.

Such a strange state to be in.

 

[JustBe]

I have felt this way for months:confused:

 

[Ice_Fire]

((((((((Movin'On))))))))))

 

[ninja]

I can certainly relate. I've been struggling with apathy for the past couple of years as well. It seems as though my emotions are either on or off... still working on modulation. It's exhausting! :sleep:

 

[Jacnic]

It is hard to live life in the grey fog of emotional apathy! I am either anxious or completely numb.
J

 

[Ice_Fire]

I'm sorry to read how many others are stuck in this. Jacnic- grey fog describes it so well.

At least bad news doesn't hit as hard I guess. :rolleyes:

 

[Red Feather]

I think you are very exhausted Rose. Obviously you are going through so much, and numbing the feelings, is just a coping mechanism to be able to handle it all. I think knitting is a real good idea, because it help you focus on something here and now, and use your hands. If you can avoid taking on too many tasks, it might help you, just to start being with yourself, and taking time for that. Honestly, I would say rest is what you really need.

I like doing things and running errands very very slowly, and just feeling how I am with it. If you feel you need to connect with your own feelings, maybe it is good just do it in a way, in which you are making all decisions and not being overrun by other people. Whatever that might mean... listening to your favorite song maybe. Sending many hugs.

 

[ninja]

I agree with Rose! I have learned to take particularly good care of myself when I'm in the cavernous depths of it – during those times it is way too easy for me to underestimate the effects of catastrophe, or really anything. Sometimes I like to reread a favorite book, or rewatch a favorite movie, listen to a favorite song over and over... Occasionally I'll even just listen to a clip of the ocean on repeat. :)

 

[mamachick]

I understand it completely. I feel apathetic and do things to zone out that take the focus of my anxiety. If I dont, I seem to suffer such anxiety. Just be gentle with yourself, advice I wish I could follow.

Im sorry I dont have any good suggestions, but wanted to let you know I understand.

 

[Ice_Fire]

Thank you all for taking the time to respond. My feelings are much the same. Unusually, I haven't even been on the forum much because, well, I just can't seem to motivate myself. I don't even feel enough to post in my own diary despite there being a few things happen. It's such an odd state after being on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.

I think everyone is right, special thanks to Nadia. I guess it is all about pacing and looking after myself. The knitting is helping, keeping mind occupied and stops any nervous tapping that I seem to have been doing recently. I've had 10 days off work (just how the shifts have been) and gosh it feels like a monumental effort to get back into the swing of things. I just can't feel enough of anything to bother.

Has made me question the point of my continued existence.

 

[mamachick]

Ice-Fire, I havent been on forum much either. I feel overwhelmed alot, and beyond hope of repair. I have been playing candy crush on facebook. Occupies me and no anxiety as long as I dont think...about who I was,...what I should be doing but cant motivate to do...,being so hated.

 

[Ice_Fire]

My escape when I'm feeling strangely empty, or paradoxically feeling overwhelmed is to play my guitar. I've been doing a heck of a lot of practise lately.