Are No Relationships Good?

[Sarah542]

@Kas_Can_Fly

Last year in the summer i saw 3 social workers who all had different opnions. one thought i was fine, the other was thinking of sending a team out that night to make sure i didnt kill myself. The third on said a bit of counselling and id be fine. My exerince of scoial workers isnt that good.

Thank you even now i am harsh on myself! I always have been but this isnt really harsh im taking it easy on myself now. And thank you for your advice on holding off. I think that is a wise idea too. You take care too.

 

[joeylittle]

@Sarah542 - I'll try again :). After you make a post on this thread - you can edit your post for up to 60 minutes (1 hour).

So, let's say I posted "I'm feeling like I have the flu." - I typed it, hit post reply, and it went up as a post.
And then I realized I wanted to also say "does anyone else have the flu?"
I could use the Edit button on the bottom of my first post in order to add to it.
So then, my one post would read "I'm feeling like I have the flu. Does anyone else have the flu?"
And sometimes, that's better than continuing to make individual posts.
That's all :)
Since you're new, I wanted to point it out.
And, now back to your thread...I wish you lots of luck with your search. Just keep knocking on doors. You'll get who you need eventually.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I am worried that your GP is not very well trained in treating trauma survivors. I know that my GP isn't, and when it comes to sexual issues, she very much looks down on me and I feel shame when talking to her about such things.

Casual sex is not bad per se as long as you are safe and both you and the person you are with know that it is a casual sort of relationship. I am afraid that perhaps this GP has instilled his own personal views on casual sex into you! Its very sad that doctors do this as it actually prevents people from getting tested for diseases and such. If a doctor is going to judge you and make you feel shameful for having casual sex, then you're less likely to be tested regularly, which just makes the whole proliferation of disease even worse. [Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this about you personally, rather this is my experience. Doctors should stop treating casual sex as shameful!]

 

[KwanYingirl]

WHAT???? He diminished PTSD by calling it a "label"?? Send him packing.

 

[Philippa]

Your GP sounds like he doesn't know what he is talking about and he's filling your head with nonsense. I'd go with what digger and joeylittle advised and seek a new GP.

Also, using someone for sex? You mean you were having fun and the GP decided you are a slut who needs to stay away from the boys...nice of him.

I'm sure the person you were having sex with also wanted to have sex with you, right? In that case, you were BOTH using each other for sex, and there is nothing dangerous about that, unless you neglected to practise safe sex.

Your GP sounds like a loony who is imposing his own views of female sexuality onto you.

 

[Tanishq]

@Sarah542 it sounds your GP and your dr. isn't very helpful to you. They aren't taking you anywhere and you are receiving more harm.

Yes, I agree with posters recommending trauma expert therapist. That helps a lot. I believe in therapy. I have the same thought for you to start therapy. I am sending you good luck vibes and wishes. :) :tup:

 

[Sarah542]

@littlejoey

ahh i get it now, im sorry I have ditzy moments!
Thank you, got an appointment in about 1 and a half's time! I wont stop until I get more help.

 

[Sarah542]

@Solara

He has helped me slightly i'm not as erratic as I was. But both my parents and my Dr think sex is for a relationship and I didnt see any harm. It was a few one night stands after clubbing and I wanted more but i think that was where my mind was at the time. I didn't see anything wrong in it. But I now feel that there was.
I am sorry to hear you feel shame too, I just kind of withdraw myself then talk about it :L
I would love to know why I have sex, I have absolutely no idea.
But I agree with Dr's shouldn't make patients feel shame.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I would love to know why I have sex, I have absolutely no idea.

It's natural and healthy to want sex and depending on your drive you may want sex as often as daily or only once or twice a year, most often with the rise in hormones that is natural, 1-3 times a month I'd say is average. Not only for physical reasons is it natural, such as to have an orgasm and to relieve stress and tension. It is also natural on a psychological level to want to be close to someone and share intimacy which though does not have to require sex, sex is typically an easier way to get this and is what most people associate intimacy with.

Personally my drive is highwhen I'm healthy but pretty much non-existent when I'm not. I choose not to have one night stands as I know that's not good for my mental health - I am more than able enough to sort my self out on a physical level, so really only looking for a positive, long-term relationship is all I'm interested in. That doesn't make people who neither want the commitment or attachment of a relationship wrong, nor does it mean that people who do choose to have one night-stands or brief flings, "f**k-buddies" or anything different to what I do wrong. It just means that other people have different needs/desires and preferences. Some people simply prefer casual sex arrangements. I hope I'm not being patronising, I just mean to provide unbiased information. Sadly doctors and parents, even if they want the best for their patient/child - often think that their way of doing things is the only right way,which isn't always true. The only person who can really say that your one night stands were harmful is a healthy you and/or possibly a very well trained therapist. I hope your appointment goes ok.

 

[Anarchy]

Hi Sarah
Even on a random basis, there's a one in two chance that the doctor sat accross from you was in the bottom half of his class at medical school.

From your description, it sound even more likely that he was in the bottom half of his class ;-)

Medicine is such a huge field, that there are umpteen different specialisms. The purpose of a GP should be to deal with the easy stuff, and to pass the more difficult stuff on to people who know what they're doing.

due to the "zero cost" at the point of use, there is no mechanism within the NHS for supply and demand to find their own equilibrium - so a GP becomes the person tasked with rationing access to care. It also sounds as though yours is falling foul of Dunning-Kruger (check it out on wikipedia).

Your GP is abusing his position, by dishing out his own personal moral busybodying as fake "medical advice".

As long as you are not coercing or deceiving your partners (eg telling them you love them when you don't), or expecting someone else to pick up the pieces if it all goes horribly wrong - then consensual activities are no one else's business. Certainly others are free to criticize and to try to persuade you to their point of view - and you're free to either listen or, to ignore them.

Note that I'm not saying that you should do things, or that they will all end well if you do.

If it has been suggested that you might be showing some of the characteristics of "borderline personality" (I hate that label!), it might help if you check out some of the more specialist sites. There's a good article in the "vault" on this site about Dialectical Behavioural Therapy - which is the best available treatment

also check out the two videos on spartan life coach's youtube site with Amanda (the red haired woman) discussing some of the theory of both PTSD and Borderline, and maybe Debbie Corso's sites, and see if you identify with what is being described. Debbie teaches DBT on line, I'm not sure if it's free or if she charges.

Sorry if the comment comes across as ranty about GPs - it is. Most proper professions (eg engineer) expect to have all of their calculations and recommendations checked through by colleagues for any errors or omissions, before they are signed off. - Suggest that to almost any GP and he'll get all sniffy about "professional integrity"

If they're so sure that they got it right, what the hell is their problem with someone else working through their reasoning - if they were right, the person will agree with them, if they're wrong - the mistake gets caught, they learn and no one gets hurt.

 

[Sarah542]

@Philippa

yeah we both wanted sex, both consented. and safe sex too,

@Tanishq

Thank you for your kind words.

@Kas_Can_Fly

Its interesting that you say yours is non existant when not well. I've never really had sex because i initiated it but because my partner wanted it. I'm looking for lon-term committed relationship too. But i don't want any more one night stands they are horrible.
Dont't worry you aren't patronising. It was lovely to hear your viewpoint.


@Anarchy

Hello, I have to agree with you on the bottom half of the class!
From your description, it sound even more likely that he was in the bottom half of his class ;-)
He has done a few courses in mental health, and he is doing researches with university of cardiff too.

Thank you for your advice, it has been most helpful. Where can i find this article? This website baffles me. Sorry.

That's okay, I think I have ranted before about social workers on one of my comments!


Lastly I had an appointment today with a different Dr (GP) and I asked him to refer me to a Psychotherapist. By now he should have done this referral and I will have to wait a few months to see one. Good news :3

 

[Anarchy]

I was sure I'd seen an article about DBT in the vault (there's a link on the top bar of the page) - I can't see one now - false memories?

You'll get some info on Debbie Corso's sites and on wikipedia.

DBT is based on Cognititve Behavioural Therapy, but it is adapted to help gain control over the dysregulated emotions and impulsiveness which are features of "borderline".

The few courses that your quack attended, may have given him false confidence

Dunning- Kruger is a re statement of the old saying "fools jump in where angels fear to tread" with the addition of empirical backing.

What it finds, is that the least competent in a field, are the ones who are least aware of their own shortcomings and the limits of knowledge.

From the outside, it can be quite confusing, as the least competent can sound confident and decisive (turn on the TV and you'll see an endless parade of examples of this),

where those with far deeper knowledge and experience, and awareness of the true limits of that knowledge, are considering a far greater range of possibilities and potential problems, so they can come across as indecisive and lacking in confidence and knowledge.

Good Luck