Are No Relationships Good?

[Sarah542]

I will have a good read later :)

haha calling him a quack now :) good nickname for him.
Thank you for all your help :)

 

[GWhizz]

Can I ask who diagnosed you or have you been? GP's are not qualified to diagnose ptsd as far as I'm aware...

Sorry I'm just a bit confused as you mentioned you had traumas but can't remember them at all? Who told you you had traumas or how do you know or are you basing this on symptoms? I have worked in the medical field for quite a while now and I've yet to meet any doc who diagnosis without thorough assessment or one who tries to treat mental health independently, let alone one who classes one diagnosis such as bpd as the same as a different disorder such as ptsd. Yes people with ptsd have been misdiagnosed with bpd in the past and vice versa. But never have I heard any healthcare professional to categorize them as one in the same.

Am I the only one who's reading this thread and only feeling more confused the more I've read?!

 

[Sarah542]

@GWhizz

Sorry I never explain myself correctly or logically. My GP referred me to another GP that has specialised in mental health. I was at university and this Doctor said I needed to leave. He based the diagnosis on my state of mind, reckless behaviours, suicidal attempts.I left university in February. I had counselling at University but this Dr who diagnosed me said he wouldn't treat me whilst I had a counsellor.

The Dr said I had traumas that I couldn't deal with, that was why I was doing reckless and life threatening behaviours. He actually hasn't stated that they are traumas. He said there cant be a definite answer. These are what I think are my traumas, not sure if the Dr told me. The only one I know is my allergic reaction to which I almost died. (I'm actually quite confused over this too).
The Dr described the traumas as events which have been life threatening to me or my close friends and family, or that have left me feeling trapped or helpless.
these traumas left me feeling helpless 'mums depression, dads heart attack, grandpas death'
isolation in my first university left me feeling trapped as did mental abuse/,manipulation,
The diagnosis from my disabilities left me not knowing who I was since he explained away who I thought I was, why I was ditzy and didn't get jokes and why I liked my favourite colour.
I've been told I've had a sexual assault because the guy wouldn't take no for an answer. But this memory of this particular intercourse is hazey.
The Doctor also said I forgot some of them because I couldn't cope with them.
My allergic reaction was the one I forgot. My throat still closes up with every meal. I don't know why. He said it was because I was re-living the event.
Another event that the Dr thought was a trauma was when I lost my virginity to someone who used me for sex (not my words) I don't know why I had sex then in my first university nor in any of my relationships, in fact I don't know why I do most things like the speeding I just do it. The Doctor said to fight the urge to speed. Bit difficult when I don't have an urge to speed I just do it. I don't think there's anything wrong in seeding or shoplifting. I don't feel guilty. The other reckless behaviours were sex, abusing alcohol, over spending when I was in debt and then the shoplifting was when I had money. The Dr said I performed these behaviours because they were risky and the risk involved cause my brain to flood with morphine or whatever and get rid of the bad feelings.

The more I think about this the more confused I become. I don't think I have actually re-lived or re-experienced any events apart from the throat closing up. And I still don't know who I am.

Does that make more sense to you?

 

[Anarchy]

Late teens and early twenties is a time when your brain is still maturing, and a lot of things are possible.

The risk taking behaviours are consistent with several (perhaps related) possibilities.

All of the risk taking is to an extent consistent with PTS and with Borderline (they can occur together). The people whom I've known well and who exhibited some borderline characteristics, complained of feeling empty, of having a poor idea of who they really were, they were also very impulsive (including with sex, I don't think the people whom I knew really knew whether they were gay, straight or bi, or any of the shades in between) and they endangered themselves.
Your mum or someone close to you might be able to tell you whether you exhibit black and white opinions of things and people, which can alter rapidly and apparently without you noticing from "it's the best ever" to "its the worst ever" (it's called "splitting" and is quite characteristic of borderline).

Another name for "borderline" is "Emotional dysregulation disorder" emotions are up and down, all over the place. sudden almost uncontrollable anger, perhaps paranoia, when they're happy, they're happy, but they can often change from happy to sad or angry in a split second. again, ask your mum and people who know you well and who you can trust.

Another "split" with a different meaning, is sometimes talking as a little girl. ask your mum if you do that, and, if she says you do, ask her to ask you how old you are the next time you do it - answering that question will be an interesting experience.

If your mum's answers do suggest borderline, don't wait for the doctor - start doing some DBT over the net, see if there's a local group doing it too. It won't do you any harm.

against the idea of borderline - you seem to be quite relaxed about the idea of relationships coming and going - the people I've known with borderline characteristics had huge attachment and abandonment issues. I know that "Intense" is a bit of a cliche, but their relationships were all at the "relationship of a lifetime" sort of level, until they ended suddenly and acrimoniously, and then the next one came along.

Other things which can have weird effects are some of the protozoan infections, for example Lyme disease, and especially toxoplasma.

There's increasing evidence that toxoplasma infection in humans (about 50% of the British population has been infected) can result in increased risk taking behaviours (it re-wires the amygdala). it also produces a precursor for dopamine. There is some evidence of correlation between toxoplasma infection and development of schizophrenia (one of the theories for the cause of schizophrenia is excess dopamine). try searching youtube for "Robert Sapolsky, Toxoplasma" for an interesting summary of current research.

Identifying any one of those possibilities as true, would not necessarily exclude the others from being present too, or even some cause which I haven't listed and probably haven't even heard of.

 

[Sarah542]

@Anarchy

I do feel empty, and I know I give black and white opinions I think in terms of black and white to. I've been told I'm impulsive.
I've only had sex with males.

I've asked my mum and she doesn't know if my opinions are black and white or if they change rapidly. But I do know my mood changes a lot. One day I can do nothing and feel really bad the next day I could be somewhat hyper, do a lot during the day and feel good like really good.

I don't think I have an age difference split.

haha my bad. I am not blase about any relationships I've been with. I go kinda crazy if they don't reply to me I start thinking they don't like me, what have i said that has upset them, I then go through conversations in the past and see if anything I said could have offended them. I have once harmed myself to stop someone from leaving me. My mum says I've been quite erratic sometimes but I can't remember. They also could say take a break. Then my mind goes into over drive. I tell them want they want to hear. Oh and I know I push people away too. Quite confused over this. I have hardly any friends and for months I've been trying to work out what i have done to loose so many friends. I've been described as over sensitive, clingy, grow attatched too quickly.
I've never been single for long. Always had to have someone. As soon as I come out of one relationship I get another. I never explain everything because people will not listen to me or even bother reading this because they realise im more messed up than they previously thought.

interesting to think 50% have been infected, Thank you I will watch it now.

 

[Anarchy]

In france it's close to 100% of the population infected with toxoplasma, it has been suggested by some that the popular stereotypes for French males and French females (which include dangerous driving!) might be a pretty good description for what toxoplasma infection does to humans.

If you are matching up with some of the borderline characteristics, perhaps go through the checklist informally together with your mum. You'll get it on wikipedia.

Personal opinion (and worth every penny you paid for it - if you're not absolutely happy, I'll give you a full refund at any time), "borderline" can come with stigma attached - and I think that is unreasonable. Some therapists psychiatrists and doctors do not like working with people labelled as "borderline" and may give prejudiced treatment as a result.

as a corrollary of that, I know and am friends with a psychologist who does have some borderline characteristics, which she openly admits to. She really does not like working with people with anorexia, she's good at picking up on the characteristics and avoids the person after that...

we're all individuals, we're all different, you are not a "condition" and you are not defined by it - and there's no rule that says you have to be bound by it, or to exhibit all of the characteristics of it.

If you do think you have characteristics of "borderline" personality, you might be better off critically working your way through some of the BPD sites (Debbie Corso has a couple of sites that I know of) getting DBT over the net and in a local group if one is available, and just sticking with the diagnosis of PTSD on your medical notes for the purposes of dole, invalidity etc.

There are certainly some psychologists who suggest that C-PTSD and "Borderline personality" are just slightly different manifestations with the same root cause and sharing many characteristics

And if the self diagnosis is wrong - DBT is a useful skill to have anyway, it won't do you any harm.

Big hug and let us know how you are getting on

 

[Sarah542]

I am matching up with some of the symptoms,
my mum said the doctor has told me I have a personality disorder. I just couldn't remember. I don't think he is giving me enough support.

I try not to do self diagnosis as it can be dangerous.

Thank you @Anarchy I will let you know.

 

[Sarah542]

My Dr is specialised in psychological trauma