Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Abstract]

MomofTwo,
I think self care is a part of recovery and that you can do something self caring is something you should be proud of. I think its that whole oxygen mask on the plane analogy.

I also cannot fall asleep without the tele and lights on and many other things that are supposed to stop sleep.

(((((Shellbell)))) I am glad you have a strong T who can look after you (and herself) and also think its right that she should find that list hard to read. What you have gone through is very, very wrong. :hug:


((((Everyone))))

 

[Pencil]

. I feel like I am functioning far worse now after starting EMDR than before.

Somewhere on this forum Anthony said something about EMDR as an intervention that can actually be harmful. Perhaps you need to look into that.

And yes, I want to stop feeling like Sisyphus with the bloody rock I push uphill every single boring bloody exhausting day of my damn life.

 

[Pencil]

And here's one for you Abstract:

((((((((((((abstract))))))))))))))) - but a concrete one. :)

 

[raven123]

Raven123, I relate to all you have said.

Shellbell, Thank you. My luck has sucked for a long time I guess. It's gotta change someday. Without emotions, understanding emotions, I just don't think it will. But, I'm resigned to just feeling nothing and faking it and just tolerating life rather than hating it. I have no choice anyway.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, before I was in therapy, I did not feel emotions. I had to pretend I was feeling. I always felt bad about that. I did not know any better. Then I got into therapy and discovered my whole life was a fake. It turned me upside down and shook all that was me out and I was left with nothing. It was the worst time in my life. I had to get to know what I liked and what I did not like. I love being real now. I love knowing who I am. I like me now. It is all worth it. I am doing so much better than I was before therapy. I was the perfect victim and got taken advantage of so much.

 

[raven123]

Gizmo, What did they do, or you do, to feel again? No offense, but what you said sounds like a riddle to me.

I get you on being victimized. I did a lot for others and got screwed for it. Today, I resolved, do only for others if they do for me and don't really go out of my way till they earn some trust. If I do something for them and they don't return the favor, well, move on to the next person. I think that is a fair approach. I don't have the patience or emotional health to listen to another's problems so I don't. I just gave and gave and didn't get and just have nothing left to give.

Shellbell, the worst place I looked for help was in churches. I won't do that again. Too many judgemental jerks there.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Raven, I started to be really honest with myself and others. I began to learn to think for myself. I was feeling the feelings naturally once the denial was broken.

I was spiritually abused in a cult like church. It took me many years to recover from the abuses. I feel for you.

 

[Shellbell]

Gizmo, you are someone I consider to be such a positive example of a survivor who has endured more than anyone should ever have to go through, but continues to put in the hard work in therapy and in life, and seeing it all as a continual ongoing learning and healing experience. But, never gives up.

You are a shining star Gizmo :hug:

 

[raven123]

Shellbell and Gizmo, Sorry you went through all this.

The only thing that has ever helped me is sex. I don't have to think there. My IQ is 193. The intellectual is easy. Emotions, nope. :(

 

[MomOfTwo]

I never created a timeline but saw a pyschiatrist for several sessions that were 3 or more hours each. She concluded I had PTSD that was chronic and I believe major depression. During this time she had me go through a lot of detail. I can be very matter of fact about things and some things were ok and others were'nt. I always think I have put every bad experience neatly in a box on a shelf and those boxes are just never opened. PTSD changed that. My life feels like it imploded.

My psychiatrists notes and report is very much like a timeline. She told me she felt it would be five years until recovery. I just recently gave my therapist her report. I have not talked to my therapist about most of the things that were on that report. As well my doctor always saw me as high functioning and successful. It is hard having all the past abuse writte down in black and white.

I as well have had decades of abuse but do think healing is possible. It has to be. My children are thriving. I am the reason for that even though deep inside I feel inadequate as a parent. I tell my children every day I love love them to the moon and back. I don't want my legacy growing up to be theirs. I never had a mom or dad growing up that told me they loved me. I never felt loved by them and it is important to me that my children get that. So I think that has a lot to do with healing because I am not repeating the same pattern that was done to me.

 

[therapybankrupt]

Therapybankrupt, I am really sorry the EMDR has made things worse for you.

Sending you a hug (((((therapybankrupt))))). I hope that's okay.

Saw my T today she said this is normal for opening pandora's box. I hope I can take it! Thanks for your hug it means so much!

 

[therapybankrupt]

Somewhere on this forum Anthony said something about EMDR as an intervention that can actually be harmful. Perhaps you need to look into that.

Thanks for your imput Pencil. I worry about it being harmful. But the T said today it is normal because of the extent and amount of abuse.....