Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[MomOfTwo]

I love being real now. I love knowing who I am. I like me now. It is all worth it. I am doing so much better than I was before therapy. I was the perfect victim and got taken advantage of so much.

I feel so happy for you that you are doing so much better and I think you are a great support to many on the threads on this forum. I hope to get to the place where I like myself and take care of myself better. I am good at taking care of others but not so much me. I am working at it though. Yesterday I did yoga which is something I have not done in more than 4 years. :-)

 

[Mrs. Martinez]

I try so hard to convince myself that I'm doing better and that I've atleast moved on, but truth is I'm not ok and no matter what pills I take and how much I try to convince myself.... I'm just not, I'm haunted, paranoid, scared, angry, hurt and exhausted. The abuse that I went through ended years ago, and I still feel like it was yesterday. I think most people can be free from the torture but I believe some of us (mainly sexual abuse and war) may just be stuck, there's no pill to make us forget, and no matter how much your loved, or how. much therapy you go through its still there. I hate to say that, there's nothing more I want then to make it stop.

 

[Debbet]

I often think about this and tell myself repeatedly that this is not true. But am I just in denial?

Does anyone else think this too?

I am crying onto my keyboard and can barely see to type. I am too broken and shall never heal. but I will live and hurt and laugh sometimes. I can't lay down and die (I have tried)so I am learning to live with the pain and trying to keep going. Is this denial? I don't know anymore. I just know that what you asked is the conclusion I reached this year, I am broken and beyond mortal ability to heal.

 

[Tinyflame]

((((((Debbet))))))

 

[Shellbell]

Debbet, I totally understand and feel your pain. My heart goes out to you and anyone faced with this.

It hurts so badly and whilst I do believe I may never be whole in the way a person who had not survived trauma is, we can achieve a degree of healing that can provide a quality of life that includes joy, happiness and some degree of peace. Maybe not every minute of every day, but increasing amounts of peace that makes the healing journey worth it.

 

[Tinyflame]

If I can heal at all, then believe me, anyone can. (((((Hugs)))).

 

[Debbet]

I thought I had found that place of peace, contentment and joy with bouts of huge happiness thrown in but it is unraveling so quickly. I can't find it anymore, it is beginning to seem so far away from where I am now that it doesn't seem to have been real at all. All the unhappiness inside me NOW connects to things from THEN and keeps me from coping with life's now. I can't move backward and I can't seem to move forward or past this. I can't change what happened in the past and I don't know how to live like a "normal" person. I haven't seen friends or been to church in months because of the panic attacks. I am angry at myself for the pity party I have been having and when I have a couple of good days I think I have a handle on things(resiliency kicking in)a door will slam or one of the kids will scream, then I am right back where I was . I am so tired.

 

[Shellbell]

Debbet, I totally relate to what you have said.

I spent 20 years in serious denial, minimization and avoidance, thinking I was happy, highly functioning and normal and okay. Then the PTSD & MDD 'crash' happened this year and my life fell apart. I'm currently only functioning on a cocktail of drugs I hate having to take, and I am borderline having to be admitted to hospital.

I now realise during that 20 years, it was all unreal, a life I created and pretended to to be in, in complete avoidance of the truth. And now I am having to realise the truth and severity of it all, it is unbearably painful and consumes me daily.

I know how hard it is with children as well. That pressure of responsibility for children is beyond some days.

 

[Abstract]

((((((Shellbell, Debrett)))))):hug:

 

[mamachick]

Debbet-I know the feeling of being stuck. Thats about all I feel much of the time. For the past 4 years, I have not been able to move forward no matter what I do. I do think there is a straw that breaks the camels back. At 53, I have never deliberately harmed myself. I cut my arm this Thanksgiving. Its just too much. I feel like I will never heal. Like you, I am so exhausted-but from doing nothing. I keep digging a deeper hole.

If some cannot recover, I fear I am one of them. I have never spent time in denial. I have been very much of a realist. Now my perceptions are so skewed I cant find good in the world,, or only a few moments.

 

[Debbet]

I have good days and bad days, but the words just resonated with me. I hear them in my head a lot.

 

[Debbet]

what is EMDR?