Are You Co-conscious?

[shimmerz]

When I dissociate I 'split' and am totally aware of what is happening to me (co-conscious). My body, however, seems to be controlled by a primal and terrified 'part' or fragment of myself. I fight to make 'me', rather than the historical and terrified infant/toddler regain control over my body so that I don't continually put myself in danger. I do not self harm but instead go into a trance or comatose like state where I am totally unresponsive. I do however, observe myself from what seems to be the back part of my brain. I do not see myself from another area of the room as others do and I do not lose time.

I have been told by my T-doc that I am DDNOS and not DID.

I am wondering if anybody else experiences dissociation in this co-conscious way?

 

[JEKBreatheandBelieve]

I experience some dissociation co-consciously. When that happens I feel like you said, I that I am watching from within my brain. When a part is out that I am co-conscious with, I can hear what she is saying, but it feels like someone completely different. I am still in my body, but not in control of what I say or do. In those times I don't really lose time, but I feel disoriented when I "come back". Other times I am completely unaware of what went on. Sometimes I have been lost in a trance-like state and for those I have been both completely aware and completely unaware.

 

[Justmehere]

I don't have DID but DDNOS and I do sometimes experience dissociation in a very similar way.

 

[Intrepid]

I know what you mean, but I've never tried to describe it to anyone but my therapist. Here is my best shot: I know that to deal with the trauma I split off parts of myself to survive. Those parts were sure I was going to die. The part that did the splitting is like a mental cop who prevented me from going back to those awful, deadly places. And then there is me who grew up.

My awareness has bounced back and forth between who I am now, the mental cops, and the split off parts. This moving between these different parts of me has been extremely disorienting. The real success in my therapy has ben a kind of reintegration.

 

[Clowder]

Hi Shimmerz

I experience dissociation in exactly the same way you describe. I have been co-conscious since little but have always been diagnosed with "full-blown" DID. I think that the diagnosis of DID or DDNOS is just a continuum - a sliding scale. What you describe sounds like the beginning of my descent into dissociation, but then I kind of can't fight any more and the toddler/child part takes over while I go and hide in some safe part of my brain.

BTW - from my understanding of dissociation and DID, the co-consciousness way of experiencing it is actually far more common that then stereotypical, complete amnesia, waking up in a strange place, Sybil kind of DID.

Peace
Clowder

 

[Fadeaway]

When I dissociate I 'split' and am totally aware of what is happening to me (co-conscious). My body, however, seems to be controlled by a primal and terrified 'part' or fragment of myself.

Yes yes yes. This is exactly what I have been trying to explain to my husband.

 

[Ellabella44]

my therapist hasnt given my dissociating a lable... but yeah thats usually my experience as a split, half of me in past, and half present. it can be confusing im right handed and i stress clean left handed, all the time trying to help the left side with the right side if that makes sense. i can sink into a phase as i call it.... then gradually come more and more present and try to gently put it away. I went to the beach once, and it was a good thing , found a younger side and well let it take lead of what we did there, looking for shells, feeling upset on half of my face when i thought it was time to leave, had errands to do, and it got better after promising to get her something at the store some gum, but ive been scared of trying to let her have time again since i had a nightmare of something that happened.

im trying to work with them and accept they are there, making rules.. physical body needs to sleep for instance so everyone has to sleep and cant come up last minute to fight what i took to sleep (yeah its happened , gone from drowsy to hey im awake) and i got lost almost completely at therapist in one of them like i got shoved aside. ive also set rules that home when everyone else is away is safe place to be out, therapist office is safe, place i can talk about this and learn to understand it is safe, ( before i set safe places to talk about it i got migraines) have to tell a phase please wait till we get home, and have to promise they get time after we are home. im well kind of trying to still hide this from my husband and kids, but theres days i am split and he looks at me like i have two heads lol.

i have no idea how to explain this to my husband.....