Are you Drawn to Watch, Listen to or Read Things that Trigger?

[shiraz]

I recently read .....

"I do know what it's like to be drawn to watch/read/ listen to something even when you know it's going to trigger you, cause panic attacks, etc. I think that is a natural part of healing as well." by brokenchild

I am wondering who else feels that they are drawn to do things which trigger them. I certainly have this experience and have wondered about it for quite some time. Someone once suggested to me that I am drawn to things which trigger as as chaos became a natural state of being for me as a child, so I seek out chaos. I like that thinking, but still wonder if there is more to it.

I find it almost impossible not to look at something I know will trigger me if I am suddenly faced with it. I don't go out of my way to look for it - pretty avoidant still - but if it is suddenly there; I could look away (takes massive willpower) and save myself from being triggered too badly, or I could look at it and really have a full blown panic attack. 50/50 at what I might do in the situation. :dontknow:

I have wondered if it is just hypervigilance - a need to know exactly what it is - how bad it is - how much of a threat etc....?

what do you experience and what conclusions have you come to?

 

[Irton Pike]

Yes. I always tell myself i won't look when i go past a car accident but i always do.

 

[Mercy]

I have not been drawn towards my triggers that I know of. I never go to scary movies or read horror stories. I do look at car accidents, as many passers by do, but then they are not one of my triggers.Thanks to this forum, I am beginning to 'manage' my triggers better. :rolleyes:

Sometimes, I need to dissociate a lot because the whole world seems to be filled with triggers, some not so bad, others immobilize me and force full blown panic attacks. I still isolate a lot to keep some of the stress and my blood pressure down.:think:

Short answer, I avoid most of the time.

Interesting question .....looking forward to reading more peoples' points of view.

 

[midi]

because the whole world seems to be filled with triggers,

It sometimes feels that way, eh.

Ambulances - I hear them and start to fight the tears. Then I watch, hypnotized, until I'm physically out of sight.

 

[TLight]

Sometimes I'll watch movies, especially Shine, where the abuse and degradation was almost exactly like mine, even the Father in that movie looks like my Father.

My triggers are men, humping, oozing, doglike men who are always approaching me. I step out the door and my triggers are all around. Then, I"m finding the more I'm in my body, that another trigger is just people, being around everyday people. I forced myself out last night to attend a 'girls night' party..........should be harmless right?

Got home and I was so exhausted, my brain neurons felt like they were sparking out of control, the Fibro was intense.

Geez...........how am I supposed to avoid anything that triggers me? Isolation seems the only answer.

But yes, especially in the beginnng; I watched Shine over and over again and just balled, I guess I figured it would do more to release the grief. I don't have the urge to watch it anymore...

I'd love to live the rest of my life avoiding humans at all costs. I'm not really drawn to them. I do get lonely at times, but boy......it's worth it to be able to relax.
Not sure if I'll ever have a 'normal' existance. Therapy for 2.5 years, but I recently got my trust violated with my therapist and sort of fired her in anger. I'm trying to reconnect via e-mail..........but no response.

 

[morgan]

I watch horror movies and thrillers and have become desensitized. I witnessed areal live murder and these things used to trigger me badly but I kept watching them and it seems to have helped that particular trigger as well as others. It's kinda like exposure therapy ya know?

 

[cyndi]

I go back and forth. Sometimes I know it's too much to handle and sometimes I can't tear myself away from things related to my traumas. I wonder if a certain degree IS good, like morgan said, "exposure therapy" Certainly immersing yourself in it wouldn't be healthy..hmm, I'm thinking on this.

 

[dust]

I'm ambivalent too... sometimes drawn, but try not to be - looking for answers I guess. Sometimes things really set me off, sometimes they offer insight.

 

[Robyn]

This thread has brought something to mind that I wasn't even aware that I had been doing.

I'm a carer who's had some trauma but doesn't (appear) to suffer PTSD-like symptoms to a severe degree, so forgive me for butting into your thread with this but...

When I was 17, I was a victim of date rape. I hid the experience from my mom (to protect her and possibly out of shame) and brother (who was his boss and who I feared would kill him), I kept it to myself for many years and put it behind me.

Anyway, there's a rape scene in Billy Jack that I relate to and that affects me, in that I tear up and silently cry. I think it's more out of compassion for the character (or for myself). I relate to the restraints (although I wasn't physically restrained or bound) but more so the inability to move. I was sexually immature and was more in shock at what was happening to me than unable to take action against the assault.

I guess in that respect as well (i.e. the characters unwillingness to let anyone know what had happened,) I identify with her.

I'm not saying that I handled it any better or worst than anyone here; nor am I saying that I didn't experience various self-depreciating moments from the crime. Please don't think that I'm belittling any similar experiences or reaction to the experience. (Can you tell that I'm starting to second guess hitting the submit button?)

If I've gained anything "good" from the crime, it's that I can empathize with those who have been raped, and can relate to the emotional upheaval it causes.

:crazy:I'm gonna shut up now:crazy:

Still submitting though.

HUGZ
Robyn

 

[reallydown]

It's odd...I usuallly avoid certain aspects and yet often seek out other aspects...Don't know how much sense that makes...If I'm aware that a movie would likely trigger me....I avoid it...On the other hand, I keep reading as much as I possibly can about what happened if I find it online etc...almost obsessviely...even though I subsequently feel like crap...but now that Morgan has mentioned it...it could be the exposure therapy aspect...

 

[brokenchild]

I don't log on much any more since college is keeping me busy. But finally logged on again today and thought I should comment since my comment prompted the thread.

When I was first starting to work through the abuse, I was drawn to things I knew would trigger me: Law and Order SVU, Lifetime's Human Trafficking, etc. I KNEW I would be triggered, but couldn't help it.

I think during the beginning stages of healing, it's hard to feel for yourself, at least that was my experience. I can honestly say I've only cried for myself a handful of times, if ever. Movies and TV shows allowed me to cry for someone else, at least that what it seems like at the time.