- Post starter
- #205
I was feeling pretty good yesterday. I was tired, but I got a burst of energy last night. When I want to bed, though, I felt strange, almost "not myself."
Then, suddenly, a jolt of pain through my head and trunk, and it felt as if my body was having a seizure. My brain felt fuzzy. I couldn't understand what was happening, but I was lucid.
Then, it just stopped. I don't know if my body was actually totally shaking, or if it only felt as if it were.
It was scary! I woke up wondering if I could have a brain tumor!
I told my husband about this, and then I realized that it was similar to my being electrocuted/tortured flashback but just a body memory perhaps. No auditory-visual memory or context to the abuse was with this, whatever it was.
It was probably some type of flashback. It was very fast coming and going, like a blip. This is how my first flashback was, but in that one, the flashback was recalled by an environmental trigger that exactly "matched" the sound of the trauma.
In this case, I don't know what the trigger would be. I felt a bit full. A feeling of stomach fullness has triggered me in the past. Maybe I was shocked after eating and this is the issue.? It's still too unclear to me at this point. I see only small pieces of the puzzle.
Ah! Wait. I just remembered that I have had a recurring nightmare since childhood of the same church/funeral parlor where I was tortured.
In that dream, there was a potluck going on, and my mom left me with two church men, who overfed me sweets before doing sexual abuse to me, that was, of course, left out of the dream and was replaced by a "creepy sick feeling" about how they were leering at me, etc. I felt like they were going to eat me. This is still the feeling I get when I see men looking at me with lust in their eyes. It frightens me still, and I'm almost 40.
Then, suddenly, a jolt of pain through my head and trunk, and it felt as if my body was having a seizure. My brain felt fuzzy. I couldn't understand what was happening, but I was lucid.
Then, it just stopped. I don't know if my body was actually totally shaking, or if it only felt as if it were.
It was scary! I woke up wondering if I could have a brain tumor!
I told my husband about this, and then I realized that it was similar to my being electrocuted/tortured flashback but just a body memory perhaps. No auditory-visual memory or context to the abuse was with this, whatever it was.
It was probably some type of flashback. It was very fast coming and going, like a blip. This is how my first flashback was, but in that one, the flashback was recalled by an environmental trigger that exactly "matched" the sound of the trauma.
In this case, I don't know what the trigger would be. I felt a bit full. A feeling of stomach fullness has triggered me in the past. Maybe I was shocked after eating and this is the issue.? It's still too unclear to me at this point. I see only small pieces of the puzzle.
Ah! Wait. I just remembered that I have had a recurring nightmare since childhood of the same church/funeral parlor where I was tortured.
In that dream, there was a potluck going on, and my mom left me with two church men, who overfed me sweets before doing sexual abuse to me, that was, of course, left out of the dream and was replaced by a "creepy sick feeling" about how they were leering at me, etc. I felt like they were going to eat me. This is still the feeling I get when I see men looking at me with lust in their eyes. It frightens me still, and I'm almost 40.