Tornadic Thoughts
MyPTSD Pro
I was used to being silenced and expected to follow what is considered to be the norm without questioning anything.
I felt as if, and was often reminded that, I was continually failing by not doing so.
I lived in constant fear of never living up to the standards set in place by others.
Once I realized how detrimental that path had become to my overall well-being, I finally became okay in expressing myself more creatively, as I saw fit, not as I was expected to do.
It only took several decades to painfully arrive at that space of knowing.
I began making items out of other items that had outlived their original purpose. Much like I felt for myself. I had outlived what I thought was my original purpose of pleasing everyone else. I knew in my heart all that anything and/or anyone needs is a purpose and I was out to find one for us all.
Things like:
Magnets out of old greeting cards and random junk mail mailings and magazines/catalogues
Hide-a-key containers out of old pill bottles
Dry erase boards out of cool old picture frames
Recipe hangers out of old school pants hangers
Patchwork sweater vases out of old wool sweater scraps and old flower vases
Hand warmers out of old wool sweaters that had been shrunk in the dryer
Wool shoe inserts for winter time out of wool sweater scraps
Pocket rocks with inspirational reminders, symbols, words, etc.
Magnetic awareness magnets from old leftover ceramic tiles
Percussive music instruments from old coffee cans, tambourine like things from sticks and wire and flattened beer caps, etc.
etc., etc., etc.
Wrote rhymes of how I was feeling:
Question this, question that,
So used to bracing myself, ready to fall flat.
What's the deal when a sista's trying to heal,
But peeps can't seem to handle what she feels?
Censor this, censor that,
My expressiveness needs to wear a damn hard hat.
Trying not to offend while keeping it real,
Creates an uncomfortable desire to conceal.
Release this, release that,
It's always that last nerve they seem to get at.
Breathe in love, exhale all doubt,
Grow, baby, grow and keep on branching out.
Learned how to make hula hoops and how to use them and that quickly became a favorite daily exercise.
I enjoy being artsy with my plant-based food and beverages, too.
Also in designing our garden spaces and what not.
I play a Native American flute, although I still leak and squeak and don't know any particular songs, I just free style.
I play djembe drums, frame drums, various percussion instruments at drum circles and such, and during meditation times.
I'll dance and sing any time any where.
The possibilities are endless and I'm having a blast discovering each one. Even the ones I suck at are fun for at least a little while. lol
Thanks for the reminder to spend more time in my creative spaces.
I felt as if, and was often reminded that, I was continually failing by not doing so.
I lived in constant fear of never living up to the standards set in place by others.
Once I realized how detrimental that path had become to my overall well-being, I finally became okay in expressing myself more creatively, as I saw fit, not as I was expected to do.
It only took several decades to painfully arrive at that space of knowing.
I began making items out of other items that had outlived their original purpose. Much like I felt for myself. I had outlived what I thought was my original purpose of pleasing everyone else. I knew in my heart all that anything and/or anyone needs is a purpose and I was out to find one for us all.
Things like:
Magnets out of old greeting cards and random junk mail mailings and magazines/catalogues
Hide-a-key containers out of old pill bottles
Dry erase boards out of cool old picture frames
Recipe hangers out of old school pants hangers
Patchwork sweater vases out of old wool sweater scraps and old flower vases
Hand warmers out of old wool sweaters that had been shrunk in the dryer
Wool shoe inserts for winter time out of wool sweater scraps
Pocket rocks with inspirational reminders, symbols, words, etc.
Magnetic awareness magnets from old leftover ceramic tiles
Percussive music instruments from old coffee cans, tambourine like things from sticks and wire and flattened beer caps, etc.
etc., etc., etc.
Wrote rhymes of how I was feeling:
Question this, question that,
So used to bracing myself, ready to fall flat.
What's the deal when a sista's trying to heal,
But peeps can't seem to handle what she feels?
Censor this, censor that,
My expressiveness needs to wear a damn hard hat.
Trying not to offend while keeping it real,
Creates an uncomfortable desire to conceal.
Release this, release that,
It's always that last nerve they seem to get at.
Breathe in love, exhale all doubt,
Grow, baby, grow and keep on branching out.
Learned how to make hula hoops and how to use them and that quickly became a favorite daily exercise.
I enjoy being artsy with my plant-based food and beverages, too.
Also in designing our garden spaces and what not.
I play a Native American flute, although I still leak and squeak and don't know any particular songs, I just free style.
I play djembe drums, frame drums, various percussion instruments at drum circles and such, and during meditation times.
I'll dance and sing any time any where.
The possibilities are endless and I'm having a blast discovering each one. Even the ones I suck at are fun for at least a little while. lol
Thanks for the reminder to spend more time in my creative spaces.
