As a Partner...A Question For PTSD Sufferers

[fin]

Countrygent I really like what you have written here;

I'm hesitant to know how much one person's experience relates to another but I would say the following are really helpful:

- unconditional love and encouragement regardless of the disability

- openness to talk, willingness to learn

- reassurance that there are family and friends around who understand

- gentle prodding for movement, fresh air, activity, nutrition, sleep habits .. without pushing. .

But I would like to change the wording slightly, because I think the word disability is a very negative one for us, although I do understand it, I think perhaps we need to challenge this word and all it stands for. So I would like to rephrase this sentence, if this is alright; I think it should read like this;
_________________________


- unconditional love and encouragement regardless of the ability .

_________________________


I hope that this is ok, it means exactly the same thing but it has a different overtone that I think we can all benefit from hearing.

Supportive and non-judgemental encouragement through comfortable "space" to talk when ready ... realy helps me. But everybody is different, and it was a different situation for me in the early going when I was overwhelmed by shame and denial of mental illness.

This is so very true, I hope country that you are les overwhelmed now, and that you are begining to work through better now what comes up for us. I was glad to read of the successful evening out you had with your friends, it is very encouraging to read good news.


Cin I am hoping that this thread has helped and hoping that you will let us know how things are going for you.



~fin

 

[2quilt]

understanding and acceptance, those are my votes too.

 

[Lionheart]

Speaking strictly for myself, I simply want to be given a degree of tolerance and understanding of my difficulties. In an intimate relationship, I prefer to receive the same 'unconditional' love that I am willing to give, (however, I do not demand this because I must allow my loved one to be human and therefore, imperfect).

Having said that, PTSD can be a very tiring struggle, at times, for both parties. I think a caregiver needs the same degree of understanding and suppport, perhaps from their own therapist, family, or friends and especially from the sufferer themselves.

There's nothing wrong with seeking and asking for help and support for yourself, as no one should be expected to give until there is nothing left. As for "walking on eggshells," I would never want that for anyone and especially not for a loved one. Perhaps this problem could best be solved in couples counseling and with clear communication of the issue at hand. I wish you both the best.
~Lewie~

 

[fin]

To quote you Lionheart Lewie (and I dont know why my quote thingy ddn't work there) BUt anyway I am quoting you:

"Speaking strictly for myself, I simply want to be given a degree of tolerance and understanding of my difficulties. In an intimate relationship, I prefer to receive the same 'unconditional' love that I am willing to give, (however, I do not demand this because I must allow my loved one to be human and therefore, imperfect)."


I know and agree Lewie love cannot demand, it can ask and if in a loving even relationship hopefully that is open through communication with both people, then it can't help but stand a good chance of succeeding, but honesty is so important, for sucess. So many people take and never give, and so many people do not know how to ask, and then resentment can chip in. It is so sad today that many people throw love away so fast and never give it a chance to work. An dlie through it..I can never understand that...where does communication fit if too many lies are in there with it.

And it is understanding of another person, their limitations regardless of whether they have PTSD or not and people have "stuff", everyone does, we all come with baggage and I can tell you here and now my PTSD had nothing on the baggage and things that previous relationships did to me.

So...you know I can't believe I wrote that there...wow!!am shocked and surprised.

Anyway it wasn't my PTSD that broke anything up, except in the people I got involved with ...I can see that those were very unhealthy relationships for me to be in and did at the time to a degree also, so got out quick, just not always as quick as was healthy for me...but half of that is because I believe we have to try and work at things...hah!!

I dont know what that tells me really?? I am not sure how skewed my thinking is on that now. But I hope someone understands what I am trying to say. And maybe they could even put me rigth on this now...because I feel like somewhere along the line I have screwed that thought process up and over...and now I am worried...maybe we shoudn't work at stuff??

Although no I take that back some...If it is good and healthy and their is mutual respect then...phew...ok Im back now...don't know what happened to me there ...shaking my head in disbelief at myself now.



~fin