Relationship Asking For Support From A Sufferer

[greenleaf]

Yes, it would be good to see some committment to the process from her too.

I've read that most people who were abused, such as people with CPTSD, do not become abusive. However, most people who are abusive were themselves abused. That issue is apparently most of why abuse is passed down through generations.

I don't want to ever say that someone who's turned to abusing as a way to cope with problems cannot change. However, it seems somewhat rare; it might be like a drug that's always there to tempt as an easier escape. Facing having mistreated others might also be a motivation to stay in denial.

In any case, I don't feel that staying with someone who's treating you like that helps you OR them. You deserved that hug. I'm so sorry you didn't get it then but hope for a better future for you!

 

[Mon15]

Aww @Mon15, I feel for you too sweetie. its so, so hard, hugs from me if you accept....

I appreciate the hugs! It's on the 20th... Ahh! Yeah my anxiety has me haywired with that and what's going on in the relationship department! For some reason I was never this scared before to have a surgery, but this one has me a little freaked out even though I know everything will be ok!

 

[boodle]

I've read that most people who were abused, such as people with CPTSD, do not become abusive. However...

Wow, wise words @greenleaf I do feel my ex is struggling with guilt at the moment. I am convinced on a subconscious level she understands why I left. That is why she acknowledged my email so quickly in quite a cordial tone. However I don't believe she understands WHY she reacts in such a way. The only way to understand why she reacts in such a way is to commit to therapy. If she commits to therapy she would have to face the guilt. So, she does nothing, reacts in the same way, adds to the guilt, therapy becomes less of an option in her mind. Its a vicious circle.

Because of this I don't think she will fully reply to my email, despite the quick acknowledgement. Sadly, I believe she will do nothing. If, however she had some kind of wake up call, acknowledged her behaviour and committed to therapy, tentatively I would be open to looking at the situation. As it stands now, the door is closed and I am not allowing myself to go back to that.

I appreciate the hugs! It's on the 20th... Ahh! Yeah my anxiety has me haywired with that and what's goin...

I suppose its a bit like the stress cup scenario. You have a stress cup which normally would be only be full of stress about the op. This time it is full of stress about your partner and on top of that, stress about the op. It makes it seem you are more worried about the op when perhaps in truth you are not. Just a thought.
I will be thinking of you next Monday, when do you think you will be able to let us know how its gone?

My best guess.....she is currently emotionally unavailable. I think you came to the right place beca...

That is an excellent way of putting it. Much simpler than all the thinking I'm doing at the moment! Thank-ypu

 

[Mon15]

I suppose its a bit like the stress cup scenario. You have a stress cup which normally would be only be...

Thank you!! I should be able to give y'all an update a day or two after surgery. I'd say you are right, it's more so the SO (ex?) that I'm tore up about and then add surgery, getting work taken care of before I go out, etc. I'm trying hard to be positive about everything, but it can tough!

 

[boodle]

Thank you!! I should be able to give y'all an update a day or two after surgery. I'd say you are right, i...

Yes its tough indeed, but you have all of us supporting you and we're looking forward to an update when you feel better :hug:

 

[Terry2]

Hi

A few weeks ago I asked my cptsd partner for a hug when I was feeling down. All I needed at the time...

Hi boodle, well as a sufferer myself, it all points to your partners friend being subjected to the same combat experiences as your Partner, we have as Soldiers a bond, and that support network that we find extremely difficult to find in civilian life, we were part of a massive Family during our service time and I still need to bounce off my service pals, albeit as a civilian it's one of those questions, You have to of been on the Ground in the crap to be allowed close.

 

[LilacFaerie]

Yes, a very good point. I often wonder where cptsd stops and bad behaviour starts. Thank-you for your in...

OMG if someone could definitively answer this one question.........for YEARS I've wondered this very thing. When is it the ptsd and when is he just being an a$$hole?

 

[boodle]

Hi boodle, well as a sufferer myself, it all points to your partners friend being subjected to the same...

Thank-you for your post. It relates to complex ptsd from abuse rather than from the forces. I can certainly understand the bond of ex service people, but it is not the case here.

 

[Mon15]

Yes its tough indeed, but you have all of us supporting you and we're looking forward to an update when...

Surgery update... Everything went well and I'm on the slow road of recovery! Thank you all for the positive thoughts to get me through- y'all are amazing!!

One thing I have realized with this is that I have issues with being taken care of... My parents have always been my crutch and are always here for me whenever/wherever and it's taught me to strive for independence. Thankfully I see now that it is ok to be taken care of at times of need and I'm working on letting others do for me as I do for them!

On a side note... after 4 weeks and 3 days into recovery, I finally got a response from the ex telling me that he's praying for me and that he loved me. I love him more than I've ever loved another man and he's the one I wanted by my side during this but he wasn't, he abandoned me and that hurt more than anything. A message is all I've wanted this whole time from him to show me he cared and I finally got it, and now I just don't know how to respond... thoughts anyone?

 

[boodle]

Surgery update... Everything went well and I'm on the slow road of recovery! Thank you all for the positi...

Maybe this would be good in a seperate post as I think you will get many more replys, and more chance of the clarity you need. Great news about your op going so well too.