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Needing support from other sufferers - disclosed in brand new relationship

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Unfortunately for X - (not his real name, ;) )..... it did not even get in a little... but I learned a LOT about this first time I chose to be brave and transparent. And thank you - ladee! Maybe this will inspire another. But here I feel relatively safe and thank god for all the support I have been getting. The strange date I had Saturday I am still recovering from - just talking and going grocery shopping from my house... but anything at all I put energy into drains me for days. plus I think he has adhd, he is speeding all the time, verbally, thought process, and he even told he he's not a very good listener!) He sent me over 10 txts today finally I kept deleting them and I am not in the mood to talk to him at all. I need recovery time. It was a good exercise, but he's not the match for me, or potential match...I was so lonely I called him...it's very hard to tow the boat alone. We all know what isolating feels like. I already feel pressure from him and I'm OUT if I feel pressured.
 
@FranklyMyDear... Please know that you...
Hi BJ, I appreciate your feedback and support. Sadly I got another God-awful hit from "X" in the worst way. (not physically, but through a misstep, which hurt me to my core)

Here it is:
I came home from seeing my T yesterday where we processed the whole thing, and talked about the significance of my first step in being totally transparent with X. I never said a mean thing about him, and we laughed about the last date I was on with him. (it was a comedy of errors <on his part> and like watching an I love Lucy episode)....I had texted him saying I am taking some space, no contact.

SO when I get home I see a msg on my cell from him. Hmm, wonder why he is calling me. I listen to it:

He left a message saying our old friend and my ex performing partner; Tom - wanted to have me contact him about an art project he wants to collaborate with me on, and so X left Tom's number and said goodbye....BUT..... he didn't hang up his phone... WHEN HE THOUGHT HE HAD:

SO - the next thing I hear is him yelling and swearing at his 19 yr old daughter, every other word, being F this, F that....
then the NEXT thing I hear is him ranting about me....

Here is a clip of what he said ; "I don't want M, she's just a f*cked up person that sleeps all day.....I don't need that bullshit, I don't need any of her shit, she doesn't know what the f*ck she wants... I'm trying to simplify my life not make it more complicated."
(I promise you there was absolutely no provocation for this)

I was so angry, offended, and horrified. I called him back and let him know how I felt in no uncertain and very swearingly eloquent terms. I had dinner plans with a friend last night, so did my best to meditate for an hour and we went out together. Naturally we talked about it and it helped me to be with her and feel supported and understood. I had also sent the same information to her.

Later, I listened again - several times to get the words in an email to my T, and it hit me so hard again. He revealed himself fully in that slip of not hanging up his phone.... and it sounded like an insane person. I think on some levels I was supposed to hear this, so that I could see - there is/was NO going back ever at all. I told him he would have to fix it, but later I realized I was so appalled, hurt, horrified and insulted...I was never going to want to speak with him again.

WHAT I DID:
I forwarded his msg BACK to him so he could HEAR it himself, then texted him and told him - now its on YOU, I never ever want to hear from you again. I woke up this morning calmly until I remembered all that transpired yesterday. Then I felt sick and miserable all over again. Even in my conversations and processing about him, I did not rant, norcall him names, or degrade his character. And the truth shall set you free...I just do not think he is free, but imprisoned in his own judgmental
sociopathic world. gdam fkin hell.... this was so horrific for me. SO painful.
 
Wow!

I think you were given a very painful gift! You see his true nature and can say you want no part of it.

It really hurts when people are so judgmental. I really hate it when people harp on how I need so much downtime. It’s not like I can help it....

I figure I’ll find someone who is ok with it. He’ll have his own independence and when I need my downtime, he’ll be fine doing something else.
 
When ......
You got that right, so I believed and than lay down on my couch and ate chocolate - let THEM run.... him 4getting to hang up his phone was a gift to me, it hurt oh yes it did, but it showed the truth - and I was set free!!!
 
Have some chocolate for me too...... I gave up eating sugar in August and chocolate is the one thing I REALLY MISS!!!
 
I really can’t stand for someone not to be real! Basically lying to your face about loving and caring for you. What a coward! Please have a chocolate for me as well...
 
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