@FranklyMyDear... Please know that you...
Hi BJ, I appreciate your feedback and support. Sadly I got another God-awful hit from "X" in the worst way. (not physically, but through a misstep, which hurt me to my core)
Here it is:
I came home from seeing my T yesterday where we processed the whole thing, and talked about the significance of my first step in being totally transparent with X. I never said a mean thing about him, and we laughed about the last date I was on with him. (it was a comedy of errors <on his part> and like watching an I love Lucy episode)....I had texted him saying I am taking some space, no contact.
SO when I get home I see a msg on my cell from him. Hmm, wonder why he is calling me. I listen to it:
He left a message saying our old friend and my ex performing partner; Tom - wanted to have me contact him about an art project he wants to collaborate with me on, and so X left Tom's number and said goodbye....
BUT..... he didn't hang up his phone... WHEN HE THOUGHT HE HAD:
SO - the next thing I hear is him yelling and swearing at his 19 yr old daughter, every other word, being F this, F that....
then the NEXT thing I hear is him ranting about me....
Here is a clip of what he said ; "I don't want M, she's just a f*cked up person that sleeps all day.....I don't need that bullshit, I don't need any of her shit, she doesn't know what the f*ck she wants... I'm trying to simplify my life not make it more complicated."
(I promise you there was absolutely no provocation for this)
I was so angry, offended, and horrified. I called him back and let him know how I felt in no uncertain and very swearingly eloquent terms. I had dinner plans with a friend last night, so did my best to meditate for an hour and we went out together. Naturally we talked about it and it helped me to be with her and feel supported and understood. I had also sent the same information to her.
Later, I listened again - several times to get the words in an email to my T, and it hit me so hard again. He revealed himself fully in that slip of not hanging up his phone.... and it sounded like an insane person. I think on some levels I was supposed to hear this, so that I could see - there is/was NO going back ever at all. I told him he would have to fix it, but later I realized I was so appalled, hurt, horrified and insulted...I was never going to want to speak with him again.
WHAT I DID:
I forwarded his msg BACK to him so he could HEAR it himself, then texted him and told him - now its on YOU, I never ever want to hear from you again. I woke up this morning calmly until I remembered all that transpired yesterday. Then I felt sick and miserable all over again. Even in my conversations and processing about him, I did not rant, norcall him names, or degrade his character. And the truth shall set you free...I just do not think he is free, but imprisoned in his own judgmental
sociopathic world. gdam fkin hell.... this was so horrific for me. SO painful.
