At A What Point Are You Too Broken For Therapy?

[sun seeker]

I just can't find a therapist that will keep me on for longer than five months.

This got my attention. Is there some particular significance to five months in your life? You recognize the stress of trauma anniversaries. I'm wondering if there is something about five months for you particularly.

I agree, now you explain more, that it does sound like finding a good therapist is a priority. I'll let others advise on this one. Mine sort of came to me serendipitously. Not sure how one goes about finding one.

 

[sun seeker]

I feel like Humpty Dumpty, but instead, people are just sweeping the broken pieces up into a pile and throwing them away.

I feel like taking the pieces out one by one and carefully dusting them off. They may be broken pieces, but they are parts of you, so they are precious.

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

@sun seeker No particular significance, just coincidence. First therapist this year I had to leave due to some crazy insurance debacles I can't even get into, but she was super shaming and not good for me, anyways. Second one dropped me for continuing to dissociate and not improving (I'd like to blame her on this one, as from everything I read, dissociative disorders can't be cured in just five or six months). Third therapist is moving out of state at the end of the summer (or I would just continue to work with her - I really like her, which is part of what makes this hard).

@qwyoey I have terrible insurance that I struggle to make pay for one therapist, so, unfortunately, I think a team would be out of the question.

 

[shell]

I really feel for you, having a therapist bail on you for dissociating too often is really shitty.

I managed to find an amazing therapist that understood that patience would make all the difference, slowly but surely I started to feel safe enough to stay present a little more.

I hope you find the strength to keep trying,

It really doesn't help when they don't work on helping you feel safe enough before leaping in to trauma.

 

[sun seeker]

First therapist this year I had to leave due to some crazy insurance debacles I can't even get into, but she was super shaming and not good for me, anyways. Second one dropped me for continuing to dissociate and not improving (I'd like to blame her on this one, as from everything I read, dissociative disorders can't be cured in just five or six months).

Right, so we can write off the first two, they just weren't experienced enough. The third at least shows that there ARE therapists out there who are good for you. You found one. You can find another.

 

[KeepingTime]

This made me cry. I feel like Humpty Dumpty, but instead, people are just sweeping the broken pieces up into a pile and throwing them away.

I didn't mean to make you cry. :( I guess I said it because I that's how I feel like right now...humpty dumpy. I've swept up my pieces and I carry them around in a bag because I have faith that one day I can put the pieces back together myself. :sorry:

 

[theshadowoftheliving]

Iz okay, @KeepingTime. I cried because I just feel so broken and your words were just so kind and eloquent.

@sun seeker I'm trying not to give up. It's just hard. But I'll pick myself up and try again, and again, and again ... I guess this is the stubborn part of me speaking.

 

[Sideways]

Keep picking yourself up. That's what we do. The world crashes down on us over and over again, and we pick ourselves up and we keep going.

None of us are ever too broken. You are not too broken. It hurts like hell, but you will get up again. Where I am right now with my T, I feel you, I really really do. But we are never too broken. This is not going to cost you your life. You can be put together again, and more importantly, you're worth never giving up on.

You don't have to be flying in the clouds within the week. Give yourself time...and then pick yourself up again. You are worth it, even when you believe aren't, you're worth it.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

@theshadowoftheliving I really believe that being stubborn can be a good thing. Gives you a drive that can work in your favor. Don't ever apologize for crying over someone's affirmation. That's what this forum is for.

Finding a T that you can work with can be a very difficult. There has to be the right chemistry of trust, openess and safety. Needs to be a safe person in a place that becomes your safe place.

The Humpty Dumpty analogy is perfect! Why would we need Therapy if we didn't feel broken? We need support to take those pieces and dust them off!

Question: Do you have anyone who can recommend anyone in your area? A reference or a good experience with a Therapist? If you feel subjective right now, is there someone who might accompany you on an assessment? Someone with a more objective point of view?

 

[sun seeker]

I'm trying not to give up. It's just hard

Oh yes, I know it is. From one person who has often felt too broken to heal to another, you have my empathy. It is horribly difficult, and unfair. But I think you can make it, and so can I.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

You're not broken, but sometimes the process makes us think we are. Sometimes therapists do more harm than good. That's not your fault, you're not broken, so don't give up :hug:

 

[anthony]

Therapy isn't for everyone... do you like to read? Even if you don't, maybe you should navigate your healing by reading educational texts on trauma and different treatments, doing the work in a self help manner.

I did very little therapy myself... I just didn't get out of it what I needed. I tackled some traumatic stuff, but it made me volatile not really giving me the information I needed to understand the why of it all.

So for me... reading what the therapists knew was the solution that worked for me, then doing self help style practice work on my terms. Healing trauma was the easy part knowing what I know now... it is PTSD symptom management that is the beast. Understanding how to manage yourself based on your PTSD severity is just a whole other world, which you will only learn from knowledge and experience, mixed with a whole bunch of trial and error.

Dead is just one option of many... but dead comes with the consequence of affecting those around you and possibly giving them PTSD by killing yourself. Guilt trip, ha? But its true. Then you have the person who finds you... a chance of PTSD or minimally adding to that persons traumatic lifetime baggage.

There are lots of options... but educating yourself and working through your problems yourself, is just one... and it takes considerable time at your pace.