Attachment In Therapy - Another Thread

[Rumors]

I can only associate with the adult version of me. Hell, that is scary enough!!! I am quite sure I need to find "little me" but I fear that might be too hard. I maintain composure at all times or I don't go. ;) Sorry, I am totally not the poster child for the prodigal patient.

 

[Tinyflame]

@Pencil , I think you need a new T. Not sure if you're having therapy now, but you know what works better for you in terms of interpersonally. You are special. You need a unique T. One more forward thinking, or a bit out of the box, not as cold or clinical, perhaps? I hope and wish for you the means and opportunity to have that.

@Monster thanks. I haven't felt like a 'person', either, thought that made me alone AND crazy. :unsure:

@Ninja , same here, I have never looked for a rescuer, if anything dependence is scary, but I know when I don't have any personal answers or ideas left to try. Thank you.

 

[Pencil]

I hope and wish for you the means and opportunity to have that.

Thank you so much!

 

[Pencil]

I maintain composure at all times

So do I, but I know I want and need to feel safe to let go of the iron control. I am SO tired of being in my head. I used to be an academic, I now freelance as instructional designer and I do copy-editing. My whole life is left brain, analysis, language, logic, structure, etc etc. When I am an emotional mess in the same room as a therapist I just don't want to be left brain, analytical, explore my emotions using language, use logic, blah blah.

 

[Pencil]

You are special.

@Junebug - this is really, really touching. Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear @Pencil , you are welcome. And most of all it's TRUE. :)

 

[ninja]

When I am an emotional mess in the same room as a therapist I just don't want to be left brain, analytical, explore my emotions using language, use logic, blah blah.

I think if this worked, we wouldn't be seeing therapists in the first place. (Okay, reading this back I suspect this kind of approach does work otherwise it wouldn't be so common, but I don't believe the assumption should be that it will always work or that it can't do any harm.)

I believe it takes a lot of emotional health for someone to be present with another while they are sharing stories of cruelty. Trying to 'fix' it, I feel, is much easier. My therapist reacts to what I say in a way that I really needed when I was younger: kinda protective. So I feel protected when I'm with her. Long way of saying, I totally understand. It is so frustrating and sucks that it appears to be so hard to find this in a therapist.

I agree with Junebug: I think you need a special kind of therapist. One who has the foresight and intelligence to guide without getting in the way (humility/wisdom). I think whoever you have needs to be able to work in the 'big picture' and have some idea of where things are going before they go there. Just my perception, so please correct me if this doesn't fit!

As for my kid and therapy: all of my 'parts' are acknowledged. I don't know how she does it, but somehow my therapist is able to address all of them at the same time. For the most part, I become the adult in sessions... only a few times has the child shown up and taken over. My perception gets so distorted in those moments, I can't really tell you how she's handled it... presuming decently as I'm still seeing her! :)

(Edited)

 

[ninja]

@Rumors I'm having trouble trying to convey what your response means to me, but what you said is powerful and deeply touching. Thank you. :)

@Junebug I agree: there is a big difference between rescuing and trusting someone enough to allow them to help take over some of the reins, so to speak. Thank you.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you too @Ninja . I don't have that connection to an inner child per se, and I'd rather keep myself wholly together (which is usually easy because of terror revealing or exposing anything), but the response (not sure of another word) that was lacking 'then' , yet still given to an adult mind now, is extremely healing, I think. It's not just someone else actually being able to express what I wish I could myself, also in words or rather the 'bigger picture' (mplications) too, but also seeing the 'normal' reaction that is the same as what I feel or have felt or wondered about (if my reaction is/ was 'founded'. I guess it's hard not to minimize?). Or even empathy or something like that, recall once I hadn't thought 'that' would occur/ be a response.

@Pencil , bet you Michaelangelo or Chopin etc, had pretty unique teachers, for their unique students. :)

:hug:

 

[Pencil]

Thank you for the responses.

So I feel protected when I'm with her.

Wow! I always get the impression that the therapist fears I would pitch a tent on her front lawn if she drops her guard.

I feel overly critical of her - she is putting a lot of time and effort into staying in email contact with me. When I think of her the first word that comes to mind is 'diligent'. I think she is very thorough, very responsible. I don't imagine anyone could ever accuse her of being sloppy or careless. In many ways she is really amazing. But yes, too cerebral for me.

 

[Pencil]

and I'd rather keep myself wholly together (which is usually easy because of terror revealing or exposing anything)

This is completely true for me, and why I find the rational approach so problematic - it keeps me stuck where I've always been.

 

[Pencil]

This is what I struggle to understand about therapy (and I don't know whether this is true of therapy in general or specific to this therapist, and this is why I started this thread).

One particular incident caused the 'split'. (This became clear to me only about a year ago. Before that I never realized that I acted from the child part, instead I simply thought I was nuts and I started isolating myself so as not to embarrass myself.) The result was that a part of me stayed in that place, while the rest of me had to get on with life.

In therapy, I feel as if the therapist 'connects' with or communicates only with me as a rational adult. It almost feel as if the separation between the child and the adult widens. And somehow I experience this as painful, and somehow the child becomes almost hysterical. It feels almost like an endless repetition of the problem.

I'm not saying this to endlessly nag about the same thing. I'm still trying to figure out whether I'm simply not suited for therapy, or if the therapist is not the right one, despite my endless gratitude to her, and the fact that the child is, strangely, ironically, VERY attached to her. @Ninja - this is where your strategy of sneaking the rug out from underneath the child might be a life saver - and I'm not being dramatic. But ironically, the attachment of the child to the therapist is what is making this so impossible for me, for the therapist completely ignores the child. Which is strange, because the reason the child attached immediately was that the therapist spoke about her existence right off bat - but after that completely ignored the existence of the child.

Maddog's statement explains what happens to me in therapy (and I'm copying here with maddog's permission):

Female authority figures, particularly those with severe, aloof personalities, are deeply triggering for me.

I guess that is my answer. But I still wonder if I will not experience virtually every therapist as being like that. I don't have much experience with therapists, so I guess I'm asking you 'vets' :D to tell me therapists are not all the same when they sit in that chair.