Attempt To Come Off All Pills A Total Disaster

[CoffeeCat]

Where to even begin.

I was in a physically, emotionally & mentally abusive relationship from the Spring of 2012 until November of 2014. For the first 6 months of the relationship he was wonderful, everything I thought I wanted. Then I found out he was a "recovering" opiate addict and possibly had an active warrant for his arrest for previous domestic dispute(s). (unsure to this day if it was just one or multiple) This was a major red flag, but I was in love. Looking back on this I realize I was being manipulated since day one.

When I began the relationship I was 285lbs, rather over weight to say the least. When I limped back to my family in November of 2014 I was 102lbs. I suffered through poverty, second hand drug addiction and may other preposterous situations.

Since I've moved home I've been diagnosed with PTSD and a handful of other things as well as on multiple medications. Just about every sleeping pill on the market; prescription and non prescription as I was averaging around 10 hours of sleep every 5 days. I was really touch a go for a while. I couldn't eat solid food at first, had to do a shake diet and I'm just now starting to get back to normal. Finally gained some muscle and weight. Almost back to being overweight again.

I finally after 9 months of being safe and with my family I settled on Mirtazapine for sleep and Cirprolex for anxiety.

When February of 2016 rolled around my doctor decided that I was doing well enough to try and decrease Cirpolex as I was feeling numbed out. From February until August I was weaned off Cipro completely with mostly success. Because of the weight gaining properties of Mirtazapine I was advise my my DR & T to cut down to 1/2 pill. I was able to do this without many issues. Until as of late. The last oh.... 2 & 1/2 months have been hell.

Angry outbursts which are somewhat new. The degree of anger is new, never really raged before now unless severely triggered. I find that I'm not longer numbed out and its terrifying. I miss it to a point. I find day to day life extremely overwhelming.

I have an appointment with my DR & T next week to discuss whats happening. But it doesn't make me feel any better right now.

My current support system consists of my dysfunctional immediate family as the EX pushed all the friends away in 2012 - 2013. I'm currently friendless unless I reach out to someone and basically beg. Which makes me feel like shit. My personal hygiene went out the door moons ago. Feeling pretty lost.

This ended up not really going anywhere, but I feel a bit better after ranting.

 

[sun seeker]

It sounds like you have some real stuff to be angry about! Would you be able to see a therapist to help you through recovering from your experience? When pills numb us, whatever they were covering up comes back when we stop taking them, as you are finding. Sounds like you could use some help.

 

[The Albatross]

You in are perhaps a safe enough place to express anger. Was it the Cipro? reading back it looked where there was an upset in the apple cart.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Sounds as if exercise might be of benefit, to work off some of the rage and anxiety. Exercise is great for getting the endorphins going which make us feel good. You could always beat the shit out of some pillows, or get a punching bag. Sounds stupid, but it's actually very effective. Yes, we all have bad days, but PTSD is never an excuse for bad behavior. You need to start checking that anger, and figuring where it's coming from and finding healthy ways to manage it.

 

[CoffeeCat]

It sounds like you have some real stuff to be angry about! Would you be able to see a therapist to...

I am seeing a Therapist regularly as well as a councellor. I'm chalking the extra stress it up to my birthday which is looming overhead. Wow. Tomorrow. I'm working through it, it's rough going but I'm making progress. Writing it all in my journal helps.

 

[CoffeeCat]

You in are perhaps a safe enough place to express anger. Was it the Cipro? reading back it looked where there was an upset in the apple cart.

I'm in the middle of cleaning out my past 3 apartments worth of stuff. Cluttler, knick knacks. It's draining. The cipro may have been the straw to break the camels back. Trudging though it. My parents seem to be making a big deal of my birthday and it makes me feel off, which is also weighing on me.

Sounds as if exercise might be of benefit, to work off some of the rage and anxiety. Exercise is great for getting the endorphins going which make us feel good. You could always beat the shit out of some pillows, or get a punching bag. Sounds stupid, but it's actually very effective. Yes, we all have bad days, but PTSD is never an excuse for bad behavior. You need to start checking that anger, and figuring where it's coming from and finding healthy ways to manage it.

THIS. I couldn't agree more. I got a rowing machine 2nd hand for $60.00! And an using an elastic band on my wrist to shock myself out of the rages. It's fairly effective. Work in progress.

THANK YOU all for replying <3

 

[CoffeeCat]

It's been almost a month since this thread and it's been doing down hill quickly. I haven't been taking any medication at all for months. about 2? I have no idea now. I'm still consuming copious amounts of marijuana. It's not really helping. Paranoia is prominent. Either about leaving things on, things catching fire or things being in the house.

for the the past 3 nights I haven't slept more than 2 hours, I've been vomiting, shaking and generally having on hell of a time controlling my body's temperature. I managed to eat food yesterday afternoon and it stayed with me. unfortunately it seems for the first 4 -6 hours of the day upon waking is dry heaving and occasionally foam. My jaw is beyond sore from clenching my jaw.

it's all so overwhelming. I feel like I'm drowning and can't seem to find which way is up... in good faith I'm swimming my hardest but it just so happens to be towards the inking blackness of the very bottom.

I've been slightly successful in not snapping at people. Sleep deprivation doesn't help. I need to constantly be in motion, whether its shaking a leg, tapping a foot or messing with something with my hands. I cannot sit still or relax. I'm sitting at work today considering how nice it would be to just end it all. How peaceful it would be. The past is catching up with me as well as all of the things I have put off for the last 2 years.

I just want this hellish rollercoaster ride to end. I want off.

So cold, so hot, extreme upset stomach.

life

 

[Neverthesame]

Why are you off conventional Rx and on Mmj? Is it Mmj or just mj?

Was this your doctor's plan with you, to go off everything?
Sounds like you might need to re-evaluate this with the docs.

As gross as feeling numbed out does, it's gotta be better than what you're feeling now.

As it is right now, you're saying that you are feeling

• Paranoia
• Chronic insomnia
• Nausea/vomiting
• Hot and cold flashes
• Suicidal ideation
• Hyperarousal

Marijuana can absolutely cause paranoia.
The other physical things are also bloody awful to deal with. Been there, not fun.

The suicidal ideation is certainly not something you want to have hanging over you all the time.

Go see your doctor if you haven't already. If they have nothing helpful, seek a second opinion.

Hope you can get this sorted.

 

[CoffeeCat]

Why are you off conventional Rx and on Mmj? Is it Mmj or just mj? Was this your doctor's plan wi...

It is medical Marijuana. I have my card. It's for my nightmares, I smoke minimal amounts before bed.

Because of weight gain and other issues with the Ciprolex I was advised to taper off it. I completed that rather unscathed.

I was on Mirtazipine for sleep and anti-anxiety. because it caused more weight gain and other odd side effects.

My doctors plan was very flawed and thrown together. I'm his 1st PTSD case.
He started me on a Men's prostate cancer medication shown "alleviate" my anxiety and PTSD.


I ended up in the Emergency Room yesterday from 7AM until 7PM. and today as well from 6AM till 3PM.

Extreme anxiety, delirious and super dehydrated.

I managed to see a doctor there and he prescribed: Lorazepam and I'm back on Ciprolex as of today as well.

I'm cautiously hopeful

 

[Neverthesame]

I'm sorry to hear you had to spend time in hospital, but I am glad you are out, with a change of meds.

Have you been referred to a psychiatrist?

That's how they originally set up my care. I would see the psychiatrist, who would be in charge of the prescribing of psyc-drugs as well as periodic followup to assess.

My GP, was briefed by the Psyc-doc. Her job was the adjustment of prescribed drugs and monitoring for signs and symptoms I fail to notice or mistake as unimportant.

Though what you describe of your GP just 'winging it'. Certainly isn't unusual... Sadly. Sigh....

I'm not sure which prostate drug they gave you. You could try doing a Google search on it, with "[drug name] - off-label use" as the search parameter. It could be a common useage of the drug. (Honestly, your doctor should have informed you of this. I'm not excusing that. Especially when treating a patient with PTSD for the first time.)

Still, good to hear you have some hope. Also, caution is always wise.

I imagine you still want to come off of the meds at some point?
I've no doubt it's still absolutely possible. Though I would strongly recommend that it be done under the care of a psychiatrist, not your GP. (Though I am just stating the obvious, I'm sure.)

I did a quick look to make sure. Yes. A psychiatrist visit is covered under provincial health care.

While psychologists are usually not.

The psychiatrist is the doctor, that will manage the medication aspect of mental health services. (Just in case you weren't aware of the difference.... Though you probably were and I'm just rambling...)

Anyways. Glad to hear you are getting back on your feet.