Other Autoimmune disorders and sexual health screening

[Kas_Can_Fly]

My therapist wants me to get checked out for autoimmune disorders to make sure there is no physical cause for many of my depressive, anxiety and dissociative symptoms (diabetes, thyroid problems and anaemia have already been ruled out). Now I've done reading and I know that there are many autoimmune disorders that aren't sexually transmitted, but of course the first that came to mind were HIV/AIDS.

Last year I mentioned it to my social worker but shortly after I was hospitalised and he was on leave as well, but I haven't been screened for any STDs or diseases that can be transmitted via needles. I am terrified of getting tested and have been sticking my head in the sand about it for a long time. I've only had one relationship and that lasted for three years (and ended on good grounds), we were safe - either using condoms or later on I was on a contraceptive and he got tested (because his ex cheated on him) and was clean on all fronts. The abuse was all during my childhood. It wasn't my fault. I'm scared that I might have something and have given it to my ex. I also keep thinking (although it doesn't help anything) that it's not fair! I've been responsible, if I've got something, if I've given it on... It's not my fault. :(

Has anyone else experienced such a fear of getting tested, immaturity (it's not fair!), or had memory repression and passed anything on to a partner.

I know right now it's all what if's and the only way to resolve that is by getting tested, but what if I have HIV and have passed it on to my ex? He's had a child since. I'm so worried and scared. What if I'm going to get worse and worse and worse and there's nothing I can do about it, I'm already struggling. :( **Sigh**

I'm just worried and want space to rant. Though feedback would be nice, even if it's just that you agree it's unfair!

 

[fly away home]

No disease or illness is fair sadly. No disease or illness is anyone's fault either. I know it's easy to say but try to calm yourself and do get tested if only for peace of mind in the long run. Good luck.

And weather results are positive or negative, think of it like ptsd. It does not change who you are and does not make you less of a person. It does not mean you are at fault or to blame. But yes, it is entirely unfair.

 

[Deleted member 19804]

I know how you feel. I've had that HIV scare a few times before (I can be a bit of a hypochondriac). I know exactly how you feel and I too was terrified that I might have passed something on to my (now ex-) boyfriend (I had been raped a couple of months before that, though I didn't recognize it as such). The thought of infecting someone with such a disease is absolutely terrifying. But I knew there was only one way to find out, so I gathered up all of my courage and got tested.

Before I got the test results back, I did a lot of research to see what the odds were that I had been infected. I believe that less than 1% of western population has been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, of which most people are gay men. So it is very unlikely that you have HIV.

But of course to rule it out it would be best if you got yourself fully screened for STD's. Just to be sure. I know it's scary, but it's a lot worse not knowing, isn't it? At least then you'll know and you can deal with the results. For me, it was a huge relief as it all came back negative. I hope you will experience the same.

I wish you the best of luck with this.

 

[ghotiff]

immaturity (it's not fair!)

It is not immaturity to feel that its not fair.....it most certainly is not fair.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

No disease or illness is anyone's fault either.

I know this but part of the way I've been raised and received sex education is that STD's can be avoided, that they are a bad thing to have and in most situations that they are a dirty thing to have and that fault can be had because you can protect yourself from them. There is a stigma for STDs that bothers me far more than that of mental health. I know it's wrong but my head is thinking: I couldn't protect myself against what happened, I'm not dirty, it's not my fault. I'm sure it will pass. I'm just not having a very good day.

I believe that less than 1% of western population has been diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, of which most people are gay men. So it is very unlikely that you have HIV.

Thank you so much for this. Statistics help me rationalise!

It is not immaturity

I want to kick and scream and cry like a child in a tantrum that's why it feels immature! Though I'm not and could not in all actuality, it just feels like it :rolleyes:

 

[ghotiff]

Maybe its a good idea to let yourself "kick scream and cry".

I personally think that immaturity is when someone is self-centred and does things without any thought of how it might hurt someone else. If you are home alone, or with friends who are willing to be supportive (ie, you don't hurt someone)....then there is nothing immature about expressing your emotions. It might help you to allow yourself to let them out. They are very valid feelings for the circumstances.

 

[mamachick]

I recently dated a guy for a few months. At the beginning, he denied any drug use and said that he had been tested months before and was negative, and had not been sexually active. We did not use protection. I suspect he has ptsd. As time went on, his drinking was a problem and he became mean. At the end, he threatened that he did give me something but confuses hep c with hiv. I was tested but need to be re-tested in 6 months again. I am a bit of a hypochondriac when it comes to this-std, but not with other diseases. I think it has roots in feeling like I will be punished for mis-judging a partner. It caused a real panic and meltdown in me. I am still nervous.
Thoughts and prayers are with you. I agree with others, only testing will ease your mind.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

My mum's offered to go with me, which has helped somewhat and reassured me for now, as have all you wonderful people! Thank you all so much :)

 

[ghotiff]

I'm glad you have some support. You are more than welcome.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

let yourself "kick scream and cry".

:arghh;

 

[catjudo]

He only suggested that you get tested for autoimmune diseases, correct? I think you're getting ahead of yourself and freaking out needlessly. When someone says they're being tested for autoimmune diseases, HIV or any STD for that matter is the last thing that comes to mind. There is a long list of autoimmune diseases that have nothing to do with STDs. Lupus. Rheumatoid Arthritis. Multiple Sclerosis. There are several specific types of anemia that wouldn't necessarily show up on a standard anemia blood test that are considered autoimmune diseases. I believe even Celiac disease that you hear so much about these days (gluten intolerance) is considered an autoimmune disease. The list is long and goes on and on and on. I realize many of those are scary but they're also not something you have to fret about having possibly passed on to someone else. And chances are you don't have any of those...most of the time it is about testing just to rule out the possibility.

Sure it would be good to get tested for HIV. But I think that's a completely separate issue and you're needlessly freaking yourself out over this. Take a deep breath and just get tested for autoimmune diseases.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

@catjudo Sorry for any misunderstandings, my therapist suggested I need to be tested for autoimmune diseases in general. On a seperate note I have never had any sexual health screening but was raped by many people and drugged with injections (i.e: I don't know if they were clean needles). I am worried about getting the tests for STDs and HIV partially because I have to go to a special clinic for it, partly because it relates to my childhood abuse and mostly because of the stigma of STDs. I am not so worried about other autoimmune diseases and will get the tests for those done anyway from my doctor. So really it's the overlap that concerns me, mostly the stigma and partially the what-ifs which currently don't matter but weigh heavily on my mind - of those it's mostly guilt for my ex because I didn't know then if anything comes back positive.

Pah! Anything coming back positive will not be a positive at all. Quite the contrary. ;)