Relationship Avoiding me while i'm injured?

[Green fairy]

Thank you!!! That means a lot.

I did have the surgery (it went well) and he was kinda checking in like the day before, and then 2 days later. I didn't bring up how hurt I felt, just maintained normal conversations. He was pretty attentive when he did come around and I even saw him a few days ago (he came over and brought me a few gifts). So that was nice. I'm not sure if his being so distant while I was dealing with that is because of fear on his end, or he was just clueless.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

I would say some fear but also being unable to respond to another's trauma as he would define it. A reminder of his own problems.

He may have been in self-protection mode without realizing it. Now that you are in recovery, it is much safer for him to come back.

I'm not him nor have I experienced a fraction of what he may be dealing with. I can only speak for myself as a sufferer.

Don't be discouraged. The best help you can be is just available. That means the world to me.

You seem to be a strong person with a great capacity to love and give of yourself. I would encourage you to be patient with him if he is truly a soul connection.

Focus on your own healing with the support you have. I think to the best of his ability, he cares about great deal, just is unable to cope with difficult emotional situations.

I'm so glad everything seems to be healing well. Thank you for answering. I wasn't sure if you would or not.

I'd love to get your updates.

 

[Greenfairy]

thank you, that means a lot to me.

I broke my stupid ankle skating (I recently started playing roller derby).

He is a soul connection, although he doesn't like to discuss feelings much. He will sometimes try to put me in the just friends category, but it's so much more. I have heard him say in the past that he didn't expect his feelings for me to be this strong, he does feel the same way about me that I do him, it scares him, etc etc.

I decided a long time ago to not push him into anything and just let him come to me, and enjoy the times with him that I can. I love him so much.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

That's a very good thing. Stick with him. He has a painful journey ahead. A devestating one.

Maybe it would help to take a look around the forum. Gain a better understanding of ptsd and what some of his struggles are.

As you better understand him, he may respond more to you.

It's a journey for both of you. I'm so glad that you have support for yourself. You need that too. Let yourself be supported. One day he may learn that value and seek it out for himself. Your not pushing him is sweet medicine to his hurting heart.

You are such a special person to be responding this way.

 

[Green fairy]

I do peruse this forum, in fact it's helped quite a bit.

I didn't always get it right. When he came back early last year after running, I was really mean to him and he ran again. Then denied ever feeling anything for me...when he came back again before the holidays I didn't trust him and had a few moments I'm not proud of, which he patiently helped me with (and part of me knows I'll likely get hurt again at some point). No matter how hard we both try, we just can't seem to stay away from each other. Probably the only thing that would make me go away would be if he found someone else. It's both the most joyous and the most awful, heart rending experience.

Is he worth it though? Yes.

 

[Deleted member 34328]

Really really hard... sounds emotionally draining for both of you.

If you have something concrete to hold onto, then do. Sounds like he is too.

I'm really glad the forum is helping you. There's a lot of information here. Support people as well. You might get some insight in the supporter section as well.

Just be patient with each other. Ptsd is a really hard journey. You'll both be better and stronger as a team if you join forces rather than push one against the other. If willing, counselling isn't a bad idea either.

 

[thewifeofbath15]

Hi, it’s Green fairy. When I posted this last year I had forgotten my username and password in the blur of surgery and all that.

It ended up being a bunch of BS, I don’t even know if he was telling the truth about anything ever, he was seeing other women the whole time and ended up discarding me when I caught him.

 

[blackemerald1]

Oh ouch! @thewifeofbath15 what a complete jerk!

I'm glad you kept your dignity through this. You are not responsible for someone being a liar and deliberately deceiving you.

I hope you ankle has healed and you have moved on from this deception.

:hug:

 

[thewifeofbath15]

Hi black emerald!

My ankle is doing ok, thanks for asking. It gets stiff but doesn't hurt anymore. When it comes to him, the sh** hit the fan the weekend I ditched the crutches, so at least I found out when I was somewhat stronger. If it had happened when I was still bedridden I think I would have been in some trouble.

 

[blackemerald1]

Well if you need any support while you adjust and your ankle gets stronger...give us a shout out here. :hug:

I hope you find someone that isn't a two faced cheating liar. (Lots of profanities @#$%^) to him.:banghead:

 

[thewifeofbath15]

To play devil's advocate...I knew we were just FWB.

But the other woman/women didn't know about me. And...he knew how I felt about him.

Thanks for the ankle love. It's good to be back here.

 

[Deanna]

Hi Green Fairy. Glad you are okay! Welcome Back:)