I Have An Odd Question - Why Is He Only Avoiding Me?

[georgie1668]

Grainne

Thank you so much for posting your thoughts- it really helps me to get a handle on my boyfriend distancing himself from me and even though I know deep down why he does it, it is invaluable to me to hear a sufferer saying it.

Take care.

Georgie

 

[Grainne]

Georgie xo

So happy that it helped in some way.

 

[louisa]

Hi Clarity99,

sleep is a problem with PTSD. Medication can also effect sexual response. Perhaps, he is anxious about these things? Read up on everything you can, much love, Louisa

 

[Clarity99]

Hi all,

Thanks again for your responses. I have re-read them again with less emotional-charge this time. I've reached the point where I've realized that I do have to walk away (should I be starting a new thread for this?). He is not seeking treatment for himself right now and he seems to "manage" his symptoms quite well when I am not around, which is what he has requested. Still hard to accept, but for whatever reason I made the PTSD worse.

Thank you all for your kind comments and words. I have to accept things as they are today... Maybe next month or next year will be different (or not), but I will continue to live my life and not dwell on the "maybes".

 

[shiraz]

Hi Clarity,

It is a tough decision you have made. You really seem to be caring and loving and these are wonderful qualities to share with others.

You need to live your life to the fullest without being held back in anyway. Make sure you take care to have healthy relationships in which there is mutual love, respect, fairness and support.

All the best to you and I wish you every success in the future.

Shiraz

 

[Nicolette]

He has told me that he doesn't want me gone, but that he "cannot handle" a relationship or me being physically in his presence... So that still leaves things up in the air, in limbo, where I cannot live for too long.

It doesn't really leave things in limbo. He is saying he wants his cake and eat it too.......you have to decide whether you will do that.

Why he doesn't want to sleep with you will not change anything and you are only tormenting yourself trying to work out why asking other people when he is the only one who holds the answer. :rolleyes:

 

[Clarity99]

Nicolette you are interpreting things that I have never said. This was a summary of comments that he told me over several weeks.

Since he has not been able to describe what happens when he DOES see/talk to me, I have been trying to figure it out for myself. I don't understand racing thoughts, not being able to sleep, flashbacks, pressure, nerves etc. I am trying to understand how he feels physically and mentally. He doesn't have the vocabulary or ability to describe it to me right now. I want to understand so I can accept and leave him alone.

Please don't make assumptions about what details I have shared. All of this has happened without warning in the last month and a half and I don't appreciate our relationship being summarized to sex vs no sex.

 

[Nicolette]

Hi Clarity

I am sorry if I didn't explain myself properly as it was never my intention to make assumptions but all I can go on is what I do read. Perhaps I should have gone back and read every post. My apology.

What I was trying to say was that only your boyfriend holds the answers to why things have changed and we can sit here and guess to the cows come home but only he knows the real answer.

I do feel for you and I know how difficult it must be, but from what you have written, my interpretation is your boyfriend is asking you to hang around but doesn't want to see you. To me that is having your cake and eating it to at your expense. IMHO he is causing you further hurt by putting such a request on you and I was trying to say you have to do what is right for you.

 

[Clarity99]

I do accept your apology, my posts were pretty jumbled and all over the place (just as my thoughts are).

What I was trying to say was that only your boyfriend holds the answers to why things have changed and we can sit here and guess to the cows come home but only he knows the real answer.

Yes, this is true. And that's exactly what leaves me in limbo. What I mean by "in limbo" is that its just hard to accept. I want to be over it. I want to leave him alone (so his symptoms will improve), but the other part of me is so angry that things ended- just like that.

I know I have to accept it because he doesn't want to communicate or see me. I understand that he "can't handle" a relationship.

But he STILL carries on about his regular life (work, school, friends, family) with no problem! And that hurts...

But PTSD or no PTSD, this is what happens in all break-ups isn't it? Someone is always left hanging.