Awaiting the test results.

[Deleted member 20280]

As many will already know I have been having a terrible time of late, especially last week when I was quite rightly banned from the chat-room. I have been under a great deal of personal stress of late what with flashbacks and dissociative episodes.

To compound these matters I had occasion to pay a visit to the hospital for a medical reason this time, not seizure or PTSD related, a matter of some delicacy and intimacy.

To cut this short I am due to collect my test results from the Oncologist in the next few days.

I am making every effort to build bridges with the small number of family I have left who will actually talk to me because of my alcohol abuse. I will be surrendering all monies over to these family members and that money will be strictly kept an eye on, I will have no choice but to go fully cold turkey now, and when, and only when I am clean will I be able to access my own money.

I do not write this thread to upset any member or startle anyone. My last Cancer test for this particular strain was 5 years ago and came back negative, this time however matters have escalated somewhat with my drinking since then and I have been abusing my body terribly.

As a result of my alcohol abuse, I have not only offended and upset other members of this forum, I have also lost nearly 2 1/2 UK stone in weight (15 US Kilo's)

I only post this thread to ask my fellow Forum members for your prayers in this matter as I am feeling very down at the moment and my future is yet again uncertain..

Laurie

 

[Changing4Best]

Laurie, you have my prayers, man. And my love and respect. I am pleased about what you are doing with your money and your life and your possible future. I pray for a negative test result, of course, and I am sorry you were banned from chat, I know how much you usually enjoy chat. So sorry all this has happened to you! May you come out the other end of all this to be a better and more at peace person. In the precious Name of Jesus, Amen.

 

[Stickler]

I do worry for you much.
I hope you're not looking at cancer.

 

[Ronin]

Oh man. This is worrisome.

On another hand, you a fighter, so if cancer bitch dared? You'll fight it through to health, as much as can be gotten.

Feeling with you.

 

[Deleted member 29920]

Praying for you @Mr Laurie

 

[Ocean5]

Pray your test results come back negative.

Please be careful with cold turkey since it sounds like you had seizures before...

Impressive you handed over control of your money.

 

[SoSadGuilty]

Sending you every good wish and hope for your future @Mr Laurie I hope that you soon come out the other side of this.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Thank you all, if I do have cancer then it will simply be my fault and no one else's. There is a high probability not only due to my extensive alcoholism over the past 21 years, there is also familial history, especially of this particular type of cancer.

I await now for the primary test results and if they are negative I will face further tests due to my previous bowel cancer scare 5 years ago.

I have kept this a closely guarded secret from everyone and this I now feel has been a selfish thing for me to do. My episodes of late have all been related to my terror of actually going to the doctors and then the oncologist last week.

I fully accept I have not only been selfish in keeping this to myself, not only from my family who would have supported me wholly.

As my own mother told me today, "Laurence, I have already buried one son" I do NOT want to bury another one. This simple statement has made me take stock of my life, hence the decisions I have made regarding my drink and narcotic habit. I will be seeing my GP as soon as I can to request an alcohol treatment programe under strict supervision. I do not want to die this young. My children mean the world to me and I let them down 3 years ago. If I had not come clean, and come clean publicly regarding this matter I know that I would be letting them down again. I know my dear ex-wife follows me and reads my threads. I let you all down that day. I know now and have said before this thread that I was to blame and no one else. I am not financially sound at the moment but as soon as I am I will commence sending monies to you for you and the children.

I was an abused child and I became extremely good at hiding things from everyone, just like I have hidden this matter from everyone and basically buried my head in the sand regarding this issue surrounding my health.

Total transparency is what is called for now, I can barely eat more than a few mouth fulls at the moment and have not been eating much now a day for months.

I hope and pray that this is another scare but I am terrified that this time I will not be so lucky.

 

[scout86]

It doesn't matter whose "fault" it is. You've done the best you could each step of the way. Were there better choices available? Maybe but you weren't able to find them at the time.

Hoping the test results come back favorably and you get a happy ending. You deserve one! :hug:

 

[Ronin]

It doesn't matter whose "fault" it is. You've done the best you could each step of the way. Were there better choices available? Maybe but you weren't able to find them at the time.

^^ This.

& Prayers on their way, Laurie.

 

[Changing4Best]

@ Mr Laurie, until you get into the treatment program, can you at least go to AA meetings?

 

[KwanYingirl]

@Mr Laurie. You don't hear from me often, but I notice you in chat and must say that I've never witnessed any maltreatment by you towards others. I've been self occupied lately though so I'll take you at your word.

I struggled with alcohol abuse for many years and you are in my thoughts as you begin to live sober. I finally got sober with the help of AA. The phenomena of support groups is really evident right here on the forum. I'm a bit of an introvert and didn't share my story since it is ghastly, yet I learned to live one day at a time-sometimes I got it sometimes I fell back into the bottle. All you really need to succeed is a desire to quit drinking. Not so easy though when flashbacks and nightmares come a-knockin'. Anyway, a miracle happened and I got sober. I wish you the best and I'm sorry that you are suffering. Namaste, KYG