I know....I want to be alone alot of the time but there are sometimes I just want male companionhip and it took me years to allow myself to think that was ok...For the last 7 almost eight years I have an ex that visits once per week( minus one and a quarter year( late at night..we are great friends. I would love more but I had more, I couldnèt handle it...I found out through him that until my son is not as much of a handful or takes up my every moment, my life right now is for my son and my son only..my time will come...I am not sure when and if it does not then I have to realize I am a good person and have helped a lot of people. For now..the way I have to live due to the circumstances I look forward to his visits. No explaining, no unconfortable feelings, ne knows me very well and I him....Our children both come first and as well with him, his Mom....I know I play about 4th in his life......but that is ok....but only for now! i really need a companion but I know I am not yet fully healed, almost, not quite anyway..but i continue to move forward......sorry for highjacking this entry.....