blissfuldaydreams
Learning
Hi all :) its been a while since I last came on here. I remember how much it helped me knowing I wasnt alone so I decided to post again
I moved away from the house in which my abuse happened for college but im back again because school is on break and im feeling all sorts of things right now.
I dread waking up in this bed every morning. Everywhere I look I am reminded of the abuse I endured here. The sheets are still the same from when I was raped and strangled.
I have been having the most vivid and intense flashblacks I have ever had. Its to the point where I can longer ground myself like I used to-it takes me much longer. It feels like anything is a trigger at this point. If I hear one loud smack I am there under him again. My vision starts to go black and I can physically feel his hands restraining my neck and I actually start to choke as if I can’t breath in the. Or its like I can actually feel the blow to my head as he punched me. I guess my first question is if it’s normal to physically feel the abuse in the present again?
I also would like to know if anyone has any advice for what to do to take my mind off of my memories? I dont feel comfortable leaving the house out of fear that I might run into my father (long story short I was sexually abused by him and havent spoken to him in 2 years but he still lives in my area/neighborhood and apparantly walks by my house) So I can’t even go to the grocery store without the fear of runnng into him and I cant stay at home because this is the room where my ex abused me. I also do not have any friends here, all my friendships ended before I left. I dont really know what to do with myself. Im stuck here for two weeks and I cant fathom staying in this room any longer. The things I would usually do back at school like go for walks or rollerskating I cant do. I want to get out of this house but there is nowhere for me to go.
I am feeling so overwhelmed and its hard for me to process anything right now. I wish I knew someone who understands.
I moved away from the house in which my abuse happened for college but im back again because school is on break and im feeling all sorts of things right now.
I dread waking up in this bed every morning. Everywhere I look I am reminded of the abuse I endured here. The sheets are still the same from when I was raped and strangled.
I have been having the most vivid and intense flashblacks I have ever had. Its to the point where I can longer ground myself like I used to-it takes me much longer. It feels like anything is a trigger at this point. If I hear one loud smack I am there under him again. My vision starts to go black and I can physically feel his hands restraining my neck and I actually start to choke as if I can’t breath in the. Or its like I can actually feel the blow to my head as he punched me. I guess my first question is if it’s normal to physically feel the abuse in the present again?
I also would like to know if anyone has any advice for what to do to take my mind off of my memories? I dont feel comfortable leaving the house out of fear that I might run into my father (long story short I was sexually abused by him and havent spoken to him in 2 years but he still lives in my area/neighborhood and apparantly walks by my house) So I can’t even go to the grocery store without the fear of runnng into him and I cant stay at home because this is the room where my ex abused me. I also do not have any friends here, all my friendships ended before I left. I dont really know what to do with myself. Im stuck here for two weeks and I cant fathom staying in this room any longer. The things I would usually do back at school like go for walks or rollerskating I cant do. I want to get out of this house but there is nowhere for me to go.
I am feeling so overwhelmed and its hard for me to process anything right now. I wish I knew someone who understands.
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