Bad Day

[Lurch]

Not sure if there is a better place to post this, but here I goes.

Today was a bad day and I don't know why. I took leave today to enjoy being at home with my dogs and my lovely wife. Se got the kids ready for school (looking after one for a friend). Went for a 5 mile run with the dogs. Returned took a shower and fell a sleep on the couch. Seemed like a great day! Fixed lunch and sat down to watch "Sleepy Hollow" that we recorded. 10 minutes into the show, got a call from a friend that needed assistance. One of my dogs decided to lick my lunch, and I told my wife to throw it all away. She turned to question me and give me an alternate solution that sent me over the edge, I started yelling at her and slamming my hand down on the counter. While getting dressed I realized that it wasn't her, but me and I apologized. I let her know that I was still "amped" up and that I didn't know the trigger. Just a bad day.... I have been hot and cold with my attitude the rest of the day.

 

[JarHed]

Hey Lurch

Sometimes you don't even know why or what it is that sets you off. I used to look and analyze the whys and where fores of what was possible. Now, I don't bother because it's become irrelevant to me. I just try to get though the situation the best I can. Having a bad moment doesn't mean it's a bad day. Sounds like all in all you had a good one. It also sounds like your wife is understanding of your situation. That, my friend, can make a world of difference. Hope tomorrow is better for ya'.

Jar

 

[BaMuoiBa]

Lurch, the beast never telegraphs his punches. I find it is never the exact moment that I react but always something that happened prior.

I started yelling at her and slamming my hand down on the counter. While getting dressed I realized that it wasn't her, but me and I apologized.

Once the genie is out of the bottle you 'll never put it back in. The good news is that you recognized it and quickly acted on the solution.

Having a bad moment doesn't mean it's a bad day.

That say's it all! Thanks Jar!

Ba

 

[Lurch]

Thank you all for your replies. Still coming to the realization that the Beast will never be gone. I need to sit down and talk more with my wife. She still expects it to end one day. Once she come to that realizations, I think we will both be in a better place. Again, thank you.

 

[JarHed]

She still expects it to end one day. Once she come to that realizations, I think we will both be in a better place.

It's important for you both to understand what you're up against. I can't say enough about support and understanding from your spouse. It can make the good times, and you'll have them, great and the really bad times, tolerable.

Jar

 

[Crazy_mother_f**ker]

Hey, I am new here, but I'd thought I would chime in, because I am having a crappy day myself (which is how I found this website). I have found myself going through panic attacks, depression, and anger all day. My girlfriend doesn't seem to understand how debilitated I feel all the time. It sucks when we can't really get through to our significant others how shitty post-combat life can be. I now finally came to the conclusion that no one can understand until they have been through it. Anger is the only emotion I feel now days. I feel like going for a run myself now. Hopefully the endorphins can pull me out of this shite.

 

[Sarg]

Post removed because I'm a dumb ass.

Sarg

 

[Spock]

CMF & Lurch: There are no easy answers, no cures, just slow progress with lots of hurdles and falls that will hopefully make you stronger. Just know that your significant others can never know what you're dealing with, they can only know you're dealing with a combat injury. In the meantime, here is a video from the media section that might be of help if you watch it with them:

Link Removed

 

[Lurch]

Spock, I agree that our significant others will never know exactly what it is like, but they need to know what we are going through. I am finally coming out of the haze and feeling better, I will tell her tonight that I am feeling loads better and we made it through this time. My positions now as AD and my feelings in the relationship, put me as a protector. I forget to let others in when things aren't going right (mentally/emotionally). I have made a pack with her that I will let her know more about what I am going through, if she will let me know more on how she and my son feels. I believe a lot of us want to keep these scary things away from our loved ones, this may not be the best solution.

I found out through this that my son (9 yo) asked my wife why they stay with me. It hurts but it gives me feed back to the pain they where/are in. I found out later that he said it almost 9 months ago and doesn't feel the same, but it started more dialog with both of them. Knowing that telling them that me blowing up is a reaction to something they did and not them, helps them greatly. Now when my son asks why I'm yelling at him, I can honestly tell him "I don't know" and that is ok. Through the help of a family councilor, the more he knows of this problem the easier it is for him to cope with it. It is also ok to empower him to help me through the situation. We are working through the problems with possible solutions and we all know that not all solutions work all the time.

 

[Spock]

Lurch,
Exactly. Two different things. The video is meant to help them understand. My comment was a short take on what we all acknowledge here and more properly stated as they can never "fully" understand our struggle. It is that internal suffering with the beast that drives us to feel alone much of the time and isolate. They don't have PTSD from combat and they can't know the extent of your complications dealing with it.

You definitely should give your family a voice, I always recommend that, which again was the purpose of the video. They will be willing to ask more and seek more information. Seems you've done a good job opening up the lines of communication. I always suggest folks take their significant other to a therapy session with their doc if just to meet someone there. They get a feel of the bigger picture of treatment. Often they get a chance to open up a bit themselves and it can be emotional, even if it is just for a few minutes. My wife was happy just to know I included her as important, gave her a voice, a chance to provide input. That one time was enough for her to know we could work as a team.

And since they cannot know fully what you're dealing with, you should obviously do what you're trying to do to help give them as much feedback as you're ready for and able to do provide. Then they will understand better why you need some space at times of need to isolate or not be part of some family function.

Stay safe, stay strong...

 

[Spock]

We have lot of tools and threads here to help with the communication process. It is good to realize the odds are stacked against families so extra effort is necessary. Even better are the folks who have already lost families to the beast, I really try to soak up their wisdom so I don't have to repeat mistakes they can help me prevent. I hope anyone trying to deal with the beast and keep their family together can fulfill that mission. There are so many hurdles against them and the unfortunate issue of secondary PTSD.
Best Wishes...

 

[Lurch]

Spock, thank you. This forum has been a vast help with my acceptance of the beast, hard to do. It has also given me something to talk with the wife about, especially those that have already lost their families. We came to the understanding that I will do everything that I can to keep those that have supported me to this point. We are religious and believe that the follow not only means God, but also each other; "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me"