Kas_Can_Fly
Diamond Member
This is far from being the worst dream (even for this week) but it's really bothering me I think because it's so disjointed and twisted, possibly because the waking memory of it is so strong and because it involves my very, very safe friendship in a light I would never consider it. There may need to be a trigger warning for any of the rest of this post but I don't know. I don't really understand this dream, but then I don't know if I want to, it's just messed up. *Sigh* Oh well. Thanks for reading any way.
My dream consisted of a number of elements, but one of them consisted of me using my friend’s friendship as a tool to manipulate him. After asking for his help to send a reply to someone on youtube and agreeing to his request for help to photograph biscuits, which I knew was something that he was doing for his wife. His wife is not dead – which I did initially suspect, but she is really unwell, she’s downstairs and I never see her – I just realised the location of the dream was in my Father’s old flat (where all the abuse happened).
After talking for a long time, my friend needed/wanted a hug, which somehow led us having sex (albeit led by his actions, but I know that I caused it), we didn’t actually have sex (for one thing still fully clothed), though in the dream it was implied, but it was like he was dead during it. Then when he left I had a pain in my chest and was suddenly at a clinic getting tested, I found out that I had some form of STD/Cancer.
When I went back there was blood everywhere, it was my blood (SH), clothes, sheets, tissues and underwear. I went into a room to see my friend - a pure white room with no blood (that was where the kitchen used to be) with a white bed, white walls a lit fire and a big wall mounted TV. My father was sitting in a chair in the corner, but it was as if wasn’t supposed to be there, he never moved or breathed it was like he’d been pasted in, it was a bit jarring but more so now I’m awake than in the dream. This time I initiated contact with my friend, but he friend knew it was wrong and so did I and he told me to go away.
I did, but finally Dad moved and followed me to the banisters in the hall, where I’d put all of my bloody things in a bag but he pushed me out of the way and started picking it up and touching it, he wants my blood, but he’s scary and he’s talking about how his wife will find all of this and it will somehow prove that my friend and I were having sex, but we didn’t even have sex, plus whatever it was had never finished, but I don’t want her to be upset (at least partly because she’s sick). I keep taking the things from him but he curls over the bag in a deranged manner and keeps taking them from there, it’s so disgusting. I keep saying for him to stop, he has to stop, what he’s doing is sick and wrong and he has to leave, I need him to leave. I’m constantly taking the bloody things from him and putting them back in the bag, finally I say something which I now can’t remember and he goes to go and get my friend’s wife wife to bring and show her.
He goes down the stairs and I run to the kitchen –which is now back to being just a kitchen and not a bedroom and start hiding things in a the bin and things I consider to be incriminating in an empty tea box in the bin– my underwear and a sock and some other things I can’t remember but all non-sexual stuff like bundles of bloody tissues. I put some more stuff in the bin but don’t finish and that’s where I woke up. Repeating these lines again and again: I am a bad, horrible person, I use sex to contaminate those around me. I am a bad, horrible person, I use sex to contaminate and manipulate those around me. Since then my dog moving has sent me panicking 3 times and I can't relax or my head takes over.
My dream consisted of a number of elements, but one of them consisted of me using my friend’s friendship as a tool to manipulate him. After asking for his help to send a reply to someone on youtube and agreeing to his request for help to photograph biscuits, which I knew was something that he was doing for his wife. His wife is not dead – which I did initially suspect, but she is really unwell, she’s downstairs and I never see her – I just realised the location of the dream was in my Father’s old flat (where all the abuse happened).
After talking for a long time, my friend needed/wanted a hug, which somehow led us having sex (albeit led by his actions, but I know that I caused it), we didn’t actually have sex (for one thing still fully clothed), though in the dream it was implied, but it was like he was dead during it. Then when he left I had a pain in my chest and was suddenly at a clinic getting tested, I found out that I had some form of STD/Cancer.
When I went back there was blood everywhere, it was my blood (SH), clothes, sheets, tissues and underwear. I went into a room to see my friend - a pure white room with no blood (that was where the kitchen used to be) with a white bed, white walls a lit fire and a big wall mounted TV. My father was sitting in a chair in the corner, but it was as if wasn’t supposed to be there, he never moved or breathed it was like he’d been pasted in, it was a bit jarring but more so now I’m awake than in the dream. This time I initiated contact with my friend, but he friend knew it was wrong and so did I and he told me to go away.
I did, but finally Dad moved and followed me to the banisters in the hall, where I’d put all of my bloody things in a bag but he pushed me out of the way and started picking it up and touching it, he wants my blood, but he’s scary and he’s talking about how his wife will find all of this and it will somehow prove that my friend and I were having sex, but we didn’t even have sex, plus whatever it was had never finished, but I don’t want her to be upset (at least partly because she’s sick). I keep taking the things from him but he curls over the bag in a deranged manner and keeps taking them from there, it’s so disgusting. I keep saying for him to stop, he has to stop, what he’s doing is sick and wrong and he has to leave, I need him to leave. I’m constantly taking the bloody things from him and putting them back in the bag, finally I say something which I now can’t remember and he goes to go and get my friend’s wife wife to bring and show her.
He goes down the stairs and I run to the kitchen –which is now back to being just a kitchen and not a bedroom and start hiding things in a the bin and things I consider to be incriminating in an empty tea box in the bin– my underwear and a sock and some other things I can’t remember but all non-sexual stuff like bundles of bloody tissues. I put some more stuff in the bin but don’t finish and that’s where I woke up. Repeating these lines again and again: I am a bad, horrible person, I use sex to contaminate those around me. I am a bad, horrible person, I use sex to contaminate and manipulate those around me. Since then my dog moving has sent me panicking 3 times and I can't relax or my head takes over.
