I need therapy since 3-4 years. It is hard to find or even get on a waiting list for a therapy where I live.
I have exactly one therapist I am waiting for to start therapy, I am waiting since a year and it still will take like 6 months. She is experienced and offers EMDR. After the first session (4 are "free" in Germany before therapy starts) she told me that I need trauma therapy.
Recently she gave me another appointment because I told her that a name triggered me two months ago.
First of all she started late, like 15 minutes. I told her about the trigger and what I went through the last 2 months (no sleep, irrational anxiety like someone certain was in my room, extreme emotions etc.), she responded with hardness instead of empathy and understanding. She focused on the anxiety alone and told me I had an anxiety disorder and depression, I don't completly disagree here but I have experience with bad depression and anxiety and the last two months were completly different from anything I experienced before except when this topic was triggered similiar but less severe in a clinic 9 years ago.
It was hard to tell her about this topic and I had to stop several times because I was crying. I also know nothing factual about it and I am questioning myself all the time. She told me that I take my emotions too serious, which is strange because no therapist ever told me that but I still try to figure out how it was meant, for example she could have wanted me to get some distance, but the way she said it was more like I am making something up and that my emotions have no real cause. She said that trauma doesn't need to be a single bad experience, I already knew that. At the end of the time she coldly talked about, just in case, that if it was about abuse it is something that can be processed and that she had patients who would process it well, like it was no big deal. Here again I wonder how she meant it, it felt invalidating but maybe she just wanted to show that it isn't the end of the world and could not word it in an empathic way.
I also noticed that she could not remember the other therapy sessions with me, which is understandable as therapy didn't start yet and the first appointments were a year ago. However this time she talked different to me, like she was taking me less serious and thought I was less intelligent than the other times. This always happens when I am down, I just should not show any weakness or people underestimate me and then a short time later I am completly clear and controlled and they overestimate how fit and well I am.
Some points that excuse her behavior: She doesn't know me and could not remember what we talked about before and I showed inner tension, anxiety and "irrational thoughts".
She could have felt overwhelmed. Maybe she is overworked and can't process difficult stuff from extra appointments.
However I am tired of having to understand professionals that don't act like how they should. I was down and I needed compassion.
I am still proud of myself that I talked about it, and made it through it and to experience that nothing bad happened because of it (9 years ago I was threatened by an inner voice to not talk about it).
I have exactly one therapist I am waiting for to start therapy, I am waiting since a year and it still will take like 6 months. She is experienced and offers EMDR. After the first session (4 are "free" in Germany before therapy starts) she told me that I need trauma therapy.
Recently she gave me another appointment because I told her that a name triggered me two months ago.
First of all she started late, like 15 minutes. I told her about the trigger and what I went through the last 2 months (no sleep, irrational anxiety like someone certain was in my room, extreme emotions etc.), she responded with hardness instead of empathy and understanding. She focused on the anxiety alone and told me I had an anxiety disorder and depression, I don't completly disagree here but I have experience with bad depression and anxiety and the last two months were completly different from anything I experienced before except when this topic was triggered similiar but less severe in a clinic 9 years ago.
It was hard to tell her about this topic and I had to stop several times because I was crying. I also know nothing factual about it and I am questioning myself all the time. She told me that I take my emotions too serious, which is strange because no therapist ever told me that but I still try to figure out how it was meant, for example she could have wanted me to get some distance, but the way she said it was more like I am making something up and that my emotions have no real cause. She said that trauma doesn't need to be a single bad experience, I already knew that. At the end of the time she coldly talked about, just in case, that if it was about abuse it is something that can be processed and that she had patients who would process it well, like it was no big deal. Here again I wonder how she meant it, it felt invalidating but maybe she just wanted to show that it isn't the end of the world and could not word it in an empathic way.
I also noticed that she could not remember the other therapy sessions with me, which is understandable as therapy didn't start yet and the first appointments were a year ago. However this time she talked different to me, like she was taking me less serious and thought I was less intelligent than the other times. This always happens when I am down, I just should not show any weakness or people underestimate me and then a short time later I am completly clear and controlled and they overestimate how fit and well I am.
Some points that excuse her behavior: She doesn't know me and could not remember what we talked about before and I showed inner tension, anxiety and "irrational thoughts".
She could have felt overwhelmed. Maybe she is overworked and can't process difficult stuff from extra appointments.
However I am tired of having to understand professionals that don't act like how they should. I was down and I needed compassion.
I am still proud of myself that I talked about it, and made it through it and to experience that nothing bad happened because of it (9 years ago I was threatened by an inner voice to not talk about it).
