General Becoming Very Agitated

[DMerish]

I have moderate PTSD. I’ve been doing okay the last couple of weeks; better since joining the forum.

My 30 year old dear daughter (DD) has severe PTSD due to violent (messy) trauma. Her birthday is a few days away. Her deceased boyfriend (suicide) always made a big deal on her b-day for her. The anniversary is in a month, and she’s been very, very down. When I was with her two weeks ago, I asked her if she had any thoughts about what she wanted to do for her b-day. She said, “I just want to be with him.” Someone in the family has been with her, or in contact with her, every day since then.

Family came up with a few b-day ideas and ran them past her. She is fond of her grandmother, whose b-day is two days before DDs, and wanted to go see her Saturday day, where a few other relatives (on her father’s side) would stop by also. Saturday evening she wanted to go out with friends. Then, on Sunday, go to brunch with her brothers, their families, me, and her best friend to a nice restaurant for brunch.

I made the reservations this last Monday, and on Wednesday DD and I chatted, text’d and emailed about upcoming therapist appointment and the weekend. She seemed fine.
A couple of people were uncertain if they’d make the reservation time or come a bit later – no biggie—they’d get back by Thursday evening (yesterday). We’re usually quite good with follow ups.

I didn’t receive any calls, texts or emails yesterday so, this morning, I began calling, texting them . . . I called the grandmother also, as today is her b-day, but was only able to leave a message. (Very unusual). I text’d my DD this evening. Nothing – no reply (typically, if she’s busy she’ll just text “busy” or if she doesn’t want to engage, she’ll text “not now”). Typically, she’ll text back in a few hours “what’s up?”

Not one person has called or text’d me back and I’m beginning to get very worried . . . I’ve been finally beginning to get back to undisturbed sleep (except Wednesday night – I had a nightmare about her committing suicide). I’m getting very worried, and not sure what to do next.

 

[Abstract]

Drew,
I am so sorry you have to deal with all this. Just wanted to give you support even though I dont have any real answers for you.

Do they all live a bit away from you and near to each other or nearby you? Is your daughter still living with one of the family and who? Is there a neighbour that you know? Just trying to get a better sense of the situation.

Try to take a deep breathe. It is sure to be fine but I understand your concern here.

 

[mamachick]

I am sorry you are dealing with this also. I have ptsd and know what this is like. It is the ptsd though. Often people are busy and just ignore and will contact tomorrow. I know that they do not realize how we feel when we can not get a hold of, but most likely it is seperate issues with them. Easier said than done-but try not to worry and get some good sleep if you can. I have experienced this numerous times and almost go into panic, then when there is contact, its as if it was no biggie and there are excuses or reasons.

 

[DMerish]

Hi Abstract, and thanks for your reply.

Thanks for your reply also brat17 :-) It's feels good to know I'm not alone. Friends and extended family just don't "get it".

Abstract: If you imagine an isosceles triangle, the type whose base width is less than the height of its sides, my daughter is at the top height of the triangle (a forty-five minutes to an hour's drive), while the rest of us live along the narrow base (about fifteen to twenty minutes apart). My daughter floats among friends' sofas or camps in the woods with a tent. We do not know her friends.

I did some breathing, a meditation exercise, and pondered that nightmare to get in better touch with where my thinking was going, what I was feeling, and what my intuition says. I think the nightmare was triggered by a story I read here, and don't sense my daughter is in physical harm. But something is up. I'll just have to wait until tomorrow or later to find out.

Drew

 

[Abstract]

to get in better touch with where my thinking was going, what I was feeling, and what my intuition says.

It's amazing how well this works isn't it? Good for you.

I can understand how a combination of reading something, your ptsd and the general situation would add up to very muddied waters.

We do not know her friends.

It sounds like she has many people who care about her and a large support network. The rest I guess one has to leave up to her.

don't sense my daughter is in physical harm.

That is a really good realisation. Good luck with the next couple of days. Sometimes what is up is not at all what we think of and may well be a good thing.

 

[wicked child]

Drew
Get her to your place if possible. It's a very difficult anniversary for her. I don't understand how your relatives seemed to be unaware of the danger. How about you take her to fish on the island of orca's camping with her mom ? That would be a special moment for both of you. The purple night. Singing Orca's and clean air, all after salmon bbq'd with Hollandaise sauce. Try it. It will be magical.Lots of prime time for you both..

 

[DMerish]

Thanks for your note WC. I love your idea. I'd love to take her to the island. I don't know if she'd ever go, however. We are very different. All the years growing up, going camping with my children, travels, etc., she was always scared and didn't participate. Even on her birthday when she was young, she was uncomfortable having a few folks over and singing happy birthday. She had a traumatic birth, and I think something happened to her brain. I hope in the next few weeks, or months, or year that we figure this out.

It's amazing how well (meditation) works isn't it?

Yes, it is. And I slept well last night. I'm going to continue that today. And I'll keep myself busy with chores and other things.

Every Saturday morning, my daughter-in-law (DIL) brings my three year old grand-daughter over so my DIL can go to the gym and do her grocery shopping. I got a text from my DIL sent very early this a.m. (while I was sleeping). It said my grand-daughter wasn't coming: they had something else they needed to do today. I texted back "What's up?" but no word. That was almost two hours ago, so I just phoned (twice) minutes ago. My call was picked up, then dropped, i.e. disconnected.

My DIL has never texted me before. She is from a foreign country. Her English is not very good and she can't spell!

Something is "up" - I just don't know what it is. But I know my sons will handle it, and I know they are protective of me, and if something is "up" it would be difficult for them to handle whatever it is and me freaking out at the same time. I'll just be patient.

Thanks for your support.

 

[DMerish]

Okay. I just got a call. My daughter went to the hospital. She seemed "fine" to me on the phone on Wednesday, but on Thursday she was very distraught and mentioned to several family members "I just want to be with him" i.e. her deceased boyfriend. Two sons and one DIL figured a way to meet up with her in her part of town Thursday evening. Family has been talking about the possibility of her needing hospitalization for the last several weeks because we have perceived her to be sort of on the edge and she's been refusing to see a doctor who can prescribe, despite saying she wants medication. Errgh, PTSD!

Anyways, when they met up they told her they would take her to hospital or else they'd call 9-1-1 and she could go that way. The three of them drove her to the hospital. A family member has also been there with her 24 hours. She was given medication, stayed Thursday and Friday nights, and was released very early this a.m. She is at my son's now (her middle brother who has my grand-daughter), where she will stay at least for some time. She's glad she has medication now (and so am I). She'll briefly visit at grandmothers later today, but she is not going out tonight with her (drinking) "friends"!

We'll see what tomorrow brings. One day at a time, eh?

Whew!

 

[Sweetpea76]

Wow Drew, how stressful! It's good she's on some meds now though.

 

[Abstract]

Oh Drew. I am so glad she was taken care of. It does seem your family is an amazing support system for her and for you. I am glad they, especially your sons, seem to realise that you are also vulnerable in all of this and are protecting you.

I am sorry things got to this point but it actually sounds like it was a good thing as at least her treatment has been stepped up as a result.

You knew there was something up and there was. Intuition is an important thing. I don't think it's at all surprising considering all that is happening at present. The state she is in, the anniversary etc. She is likely to be unstable for a bit but I am sure you will all get through this. Lets hope the next step will be her accepting professional help.

Try to do something nice for yourself now.

 

[DMerish]

So I dropped by my middle son's place (where DD is now staying). She looked great!!!

I think two nights sleeping in a real bed did her good. :giggle:

I'm not sure what will happen next. Her "friends" are all drinking buddies. That is why she likes being in the other area of the city. Her friends will give her drink, food, a sofa to sleep on, but genuinely care for her, no. She said she slept two nights last week on the sofa of "friend" who is a crack head and three nights the week before in the apartment of a felon who is on parole and wears an ankle bracelet. That's not to say all crack heads and felons are horrible. However, in general, they may make poor decisions and my daughter is weak, thinking like a child, and is vulnerable. Her brothers know that. I hope they take her car keys away (if they haven't done it already). I doubt any friend would drive an hour get her.

My son's are handling things well. Between my sons and their wives, three are firefighters. They've seen and handled some of the worse situations. They'll interfere with her being exposed to any more abusive situations, i.e. former boyfriend types, if they can help it. I trust them immensely. I'm going to take a back seat.

Now that she's been to the hospital, it allow her to be eligible for State aid to help pay for the therapy. I will say, she's gone three times on her own in the last two weeks.

I'm proud of my baby. I just wish she could see herself through my eyes and through the eyes of people who really do love her.

Thanks for "listening" and all the support.

Drew :hug: