Bed As Key Trigger

[Echo]

@Bedbug - thank you. Very interesting. My sister has bought a weighted jacket for her borderline autistic son. I understand everyone in the family who also tried it on found it very comforting.

 

[Barconian]

@Echo What's scaring you about going to bed?

 

[Echo]

@Barconian - nothing in the present moment. I like my bed! My therapist thinks, and I agree, that something about being flat on my back triggers somatic memories of my rape and childhood abuse.

 

[Rumors]

My 2 cents worth votes for a golden retriever. Warm, sweet, and cuddly and will never let you down. A weighted blanket would probably be much cheaper, but you can't talk to it at 2am when you can't sleep. ;). I have similar issues so I am sending loads of strength and prayers for resolution.

Best wishes!

 

[Echo]

Thank you, Rumors! I did sleep a bit better last night cuddled up with a large cushion doused with lavender essential oil. I should be in bed now, but yet again avoiding it, so I'd better get on with it. I'm not allowed a dog here, but the idea is lovely. Last night I imagined my rough weave cushion was a nice, cuddly man. Maybe tonight I'll imagine it's a retriever!

Sorry to hear you have similar issues. I hope you have the dog option on your bed.:)

 

[Rumors]

I have the husband option which is still warm and hairy, but comes with the ability to verbally communicate which makes me urge you to go with the golden retriever. ;)

Hang in there! Sounds like you are doing all of the right things!

 

[Barconian]

Do you read books in bed @Echo ? I read for about an hour, then turn the light out and keep my mind blank from thoughts... Works for me most of the time :)

 

[Echo]

@Barconian - thanks for your thoughts. I used to do this before the CPTSD, but now I'm too drugged in an attempt to sleep and far too triggered. I'm having to work on not allowing it to become a full-blown panic attack and slowing my breathing most of the time. Not conducive to sleep or reading, unfortunately! In common with much of the day, the fight to contain my symptoms takes up most of my time.

 

[Barconian]

@Echo I am sorry you are having so much trouble :( It really does suck, when your mind is so distressed that you would have trouble reading a line of a book, let alone a page... And the drugs really make people feel dopey, don't they?

 

[Echo]

Thanks @Barconian, thanks for your kind thoughts. It's my body's reactions rather than my mind really. It's harder to put some meaning to it all, but that does surface eventually when I do the therapeutic work. I guess it is the same for you, though, if you've got PTSD? Or maybe you're further on than me in your healing? Luckily it's only herbal preparations making me very drugged at night, though they are powerful. I do very badly on meds.

 

[Barconian]

I don't have PTSD any-more @Echo I share some of those shitty thoughts you have had.

Your body is reacting to what your mind is telling it...

I don't like the meds either. I refused for years, but as you know yourself Echo, if it works use it, if it doesn't then discard it, so long as each year gets better :D

 

[Echo]

Hi @Barconian, what I'm dealing with are memories emerging somatically (out of the body) about child abuse and rape. What I mean is, they don't involve a thought memory at the time or necessarily any visual information. That may or may not come later. My therapist takes the view that we are not obliged to always make meaning of it but we should acknowledge the emerging and trapped trauma and work to release it gently. Her approach (sensorimotor therapy leading eventually to EMDR) suits my circumstances and my CPTSD because so much has been suppressed from childhood. Trauma-focussed CBT is considered to be too brutal for me, due to my own experiences. Maybe it is different if a person remembers their trauma(s) fully. Or has one discrete trauma.

In the UK, following the NICE guidelines, meds are not generally given to people unless they have comorbid conditions (depression, for instance - I'm not depressed) or unless they refuse so-called talking therapies. Though I'm sure some GPs handle it differently. As I mentioned elsewhere, I was offered diazepam just to release my twisting spine, which is dislocating my ribs and right shoulder. This should also have calmed me down in general, but I had an extremely adverse reaction after only one tab, so I've been told to stop them immediately. It's been added to the list of meds (not PTSD-related) that I'm already allergic to. I'm not born for this world it seems!

By the way, I'm so pleased to hear you no longer have PTSD.