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Before I jump into the deep end of the pool, does anyone have advice/counseling for me?

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Michael1944

New Here
As I am reading the posts in this category, I am impressed with the bravery so often displayed by the people who have posted their hearts and their vulnerabilities. My first wife divorced me because of my PTSD and combat stories. The 2nd one died of colo-rectal cancer about 22 years ago. Now I am contemplating looking for a relationship. Joining this site today is my first attempt at pursuing this scary journey. My fears towards achieving this uncharted odyssey include (under the title of "Who Would Want Me?} an obsession with Vietnam, PTSD (but treated pretty well with EMDR {Eye movement, Desensitization and Reprocessing}, exposure to Agent Orange with resulting Type 2 diabetes, and wounds resulting in a walking handicap. I could very well be impotent as well. What a bargain , huh! On the bright side, I am a protector, only violence has been while in Vietnam working to stay alive, well educated, Boy Scout value system, artistic personality, and 99.9% European Mutt, along with many God-given talents. So, before I jump into the deep end of the pool, does anyone have advice/counseling for me? My last career was as a forensic and psychiatric RN working every aspect of the "science," so this doesn't feel/sound like a "Doctor, heal thyself" situation.
 
No advice (sorry!). The whole relationship thing.......not my best topic, for sure. But YOU sound like an interesting and probably nice person. Which makes me think all you have to do is be available to meet people who are attracted to interesting and nice people. (Not everyone is for some reason.) That "who would want me?" thought, I can relate to. I suspect it's not very helpful. LOL I hope you get some advice here that WILL help. Meanwhile, welcome to the forum!
 
hello from a fellow viet nam era vet, michael. emphasis on "era." i did my entire active duty in the cushy com centers of CINCUSAEUR, germany. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here.

42 years ago, when i was eligible for dating, i stoically refused to do so. romantic i ain't and doesn't wanna be. is it ironic that i married a romantic. sorry, charlie. a dutch treat outing with friends is the closest i get to dating. eventually, i married my best friend and we are still best friends.

my expert romantic advise is, "don't date." if you are meant to have a life partner, s/he will present over the course of putting together a rich, full life of your own.

and i hope that free advice is worth at least twice what you paid for it.

gentle support while you find what is right for you. welcome to the forum.

for what it's worth
with our 43rd anniversary on the horizon, i still wonder if i can trust a man who would like, much less love the likes of me.
 
Faaaaawk man.

USMC. PMC. Old, fat, broken, me. A few degrees in. Including psych. Cheers, psychobabble can f*ck right off. Understanding the lingo is one thing. Living life by it, another.

There are certain headspaces / life-places I don’t date in. Full stop. Because I have, in the past, and that’s a world of hurt, so I take the Groucho Marx approach and refuse to belong to any club that would have me as a member. Because HOW I am doing / how I present? Attracts different crowds. And WHO is attracted to me? Matters.

So does finding my people. Which has become sooooo damn rare.

Here comes the advice front : There will be countless people who are interested in YOU. A fraction who would have been interested in you young/fit/healthy, which can be demoralizing/infuriating/vexing, but still a helluva lot -for their own reasons- once you’re on the prowl/on the market, again. Don’t be Jane. Don’t be with someone just because they want you. Want THEM.
 
My advise probably would be take one day at a time :)

Relationship is always hard. But sometimes despite it doesnt end the way we want it.. the journey it still worth taking those risk and pain.
 
ModNote

@Michael1944 I’ve moved this post from Advice on wording consent boundaries for dating to it’s own thread for more directed replies, and so your question doesn’t get lost. No worries, we do this all the time for new members. Any questions/concerns just hit us up over at Contact Us

And now back to our regularly scheduled thread! 🤠
Thank you for your ability to see/feel that I was close, or further, to be beyond my personal threshold. Yes, this is all quite new to me and it is scary.

No advice (sorry!). The whole relationship thing.......not my best topic, for sure. But YOU sound like an interesting and probably nice person. Which makes me think all you have to do is be available to meet people who are attracted to interesting and nice people. (Not everyone is for some reason.) That "who would want me?" thought, I can relate to. I suspect it's not very helpful. LOL I hope you get some advice here that WILL help. Meanwhile, welcome to the forum!
Thank you for your accurate and ego-boosting observations. My big sister used to tell me that I intimidated people because I was intelligent, a quick learner, half=witty, and just a doggone nice guy in spite of my war experiences. Her comment, including the punch-in-the-nose at the end is hard for me to accept as a compliment. I doubt that relationships are a strong suite for me, as mine (overseas) seemed to start with a bullet in the targeted direction of my greeter.
Thank you, as I am enjoying the forum and I welcome all replies that make it through the asteroid belt.
 
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