Being Different

[KAT]

thank you:)

 

[pi314159]

I've never been able to convince myself that all the disturbed ways I think and act are a result of my childhood abuse. But being on this forum, noticing I can relate to what people think, feel and experience, is giving me the strength to accept that all this shit was forced on me and it's not my fault...maybe I wasn't born a broken, disgusting, self destructive mess.

Finding this forum is the greatest thing that could have happened to me - it has given me hope that I can fight my demons and help myself.

 

[anndeb]

I agree with CB that we are all 'different' and unique and that is a plus. And I guess I think that we are all the same or very similar in our needs and desires. I guess the way we choose to try to get those needs met is part of what makes us unique and may be influential in how happy or unhappy we are..

 

[Nyx]

maybe I wasn't born a broken, disgusting, self destructive mess.

You weren't. No one is born that way. The animals that abused you made it so that you become that way. But you are choosing to fight, you are seeking help. You have made your first steps on your way to recovery. It's a long and winding road, but getting to the end of it will be worth all the trouble.

I am really glad you are here.

 

[KAT]

Pi314 I am working on that same issue. My odd behavior and reactions to different triggers in my life. Even learning what my triggers are and coping with them is hard. I think that people that survive extreme child abuse and sexual abuse are very strong people. We have to be.

 

[jadebear]

I have always felt different than everyone else my entire life. Add a physical feature that a majority of people don't have on top of it and it made me feel even more out of place in the world.

Sometimes I like being different. It makes me feel unique. But most of the time I definitely don't like it at all and I just want to fit in and feel like I belong.

 

[Mercy]

I have needed the support and considering my extensive history of abuse I don't think of it as being that unusual. Otherwise, I feel like I can relate to just about everyone here, whereas I once had 'negative specialness', I now have a positive relatedness and kinship that I feel from being a part of this forum.

:dance::applause::cool: :bounce::love::thumbsup::whistle::funnyfaces::hot: :laughing: :angel::bounce:



Kinship, yes that is the word to use. I feel the freedom to write (in my diary) what really happened. While punishment flashbacks or silence tortures come after every disclosure :hot: , I figure, if I survived it then, I can get through it again but only here. Here I know someone will read and respond. The companionship and witness of being heard is very important to me. We are related, in a non abusive cyber family.

 

[Lucycat]

I realise I have started threads about being different and being normal. Seems a bit of a conflict. But I guess that is the confusion in the mind of the whole situation. I feel different AND normal at the same time. So I guess the difference is a normality in itself. As others have so rightly said it is normal to be - and feel - different!

 

[Steph4]

I feel this way too only it's more like 20 yrs of therapy with a few breaks along the way.:)

I have PTSD and DID. That has made things harder. I think we all understand the abuse we all have suffered. We can help each other and support each other. So many of the symptoms are similar or the same.:wave:I do feel like a belong and am understood, that's a miracle.

I do feel different because of the DID. I am afraid people will treat me differently because of it, nor believe me as if I am writing from a childish imagination.:no:...but I sense it is truth telling. Maybe, that was just another 'shut up' ploy.. :spin:

Most of the DID involves hurt children who had been frozen in time. Keeping my sense of size as adult is strangely affected. If I sit on the floor, I can relate to/shift to 3-4 yr olds.:peekaboo: If I sit on a chair, I can relate /shift to 6,7,8 ys olds.:rolleyes: One night I had a nightmare and went to the kitchen for a comfort snack. I saw what I thought to be a dixie cup of sherbet. I must have been in a child state because in the morning I saw that I had polished off a pint. The size proportions are correct. Dixie cup to 6yr.old = pint to adult. It is hard to loose weight this way.:confused:

I have not mentioned this before. But I have the dx of D.I.D as well. It was really bad at first. I didn't know when I had been to session. I couldn't remember half my days. It was very hard for me to accept. But my therapist was so kind in his explanation. I am much better now, and whether people believe it or not, actually cope far better than I did in the past. Though I still struggle immensely at times. Like this week for example. My abuse was so severe. I had no choice but to develop it..

 

[Nyx]

I hate the mortherf**kers who did this to innocent kids! Uh, they deserve the worst to happen to them! And then some...

 

[Mercy]

DID is exhausting. Trying to stay consistant for very long can be impossible. I go lay down so that I can be safe when I am rapidly rolling through the many phases of me.

I know what you mean about being concerned about other people knowing. When my younger daughter was a baby, I used to be afraid she would be taken from me just on the basis of the diagnosis alone. I like to be alone. I know I confuse my kids at times.

 

[Anna]

I feel different, but have always sought out people who are similar to me. "Birds of a feather flock together" and all that... My best friend has CPTSD and borderline. She is the most caring and compassionate person I know.

I have learned to cope well and how to deal with every day life. My life is going forward.