Being Greeted

[Biz]

Random Question: Do you have attachment issues and if so, do you find it hard to respond to other people's greetings and/or have trouble receiving enthusiastic greetings?

(Maybe in the therapy section as I noticed it in relation to my therapist's greeting?).

I started with a new therapist. My former one said she'd keep me as a client forever, but that I'd benefit from finding someone else, and I agree. So I have been on the hunt for about two months, and am doing a fourth appointment with a promising new one this week. I realized last week when she came out to greet me: I can't accept being greeted enthusiastically.

This is across the board no matter who. I've seen my reiki practitioner for a year now, and I have a better relationship with her than I've had with anyone in my life ever, but she even greets me in an enthusiastic way that leaves me feeling a bit defensive. I have attachment issues (one of the possible therapist in an appt. called it C-PTSD, I vibe more with the term developmental trauma), but I'm wondering if anyone else experiences this. I wonder if it's a minor symptom of disorganized attachment. Does anyone else have this? How do you explain it for yourself?

 

[Born to Run]

If you have C-ptsd due to childhood trauma it is very likely to have attachment problems involved. There are several types of attachment apart from the safe attachment, and disorganized attachment is one type of attachment. The term disorganised in this regard means that you often have components of all the maladaptive attachment types in one, and in C-ptsd the disorganised type is found in I believe 80% of sufferers. You can Google attachment, attachment theory, Mary Ainsworth, or John Bowlby the father of attachment theory.

On a personal note, sorry no I have no problem with greetings, I actually like enthusiastic hugs, handshakes and kisses (latter not from therapist). I did have disorganised attachment, but worked through most of it in therapy.

 

[jaccat]

I never even used to be able to say hello or goodbye to people. Greetings always seemed to be that mega awkward social thing you had to get over before you could start being normal to someone. I've moved on from that a bit now, but as for being hugged? No way!

 

[Biz]

@Born to Run, thanks for the recommendation. It's embarrassing how much attachment theory I'm constantly reading, books on books.

Thanks @jaccat, I'm glad I'm not the only one.

 

[Chava]

I do relate. I've been seeing my therapist for a few years and still feel very shy. She smiles when she greets me and says hello...I can look at her for one second, then generally look down. Weak "Hi." She's nice and I don't feel pushed, so that helps. I easily put on a confident and intellectual mask if needed, and get nowhere. I feel like I haven't needed that part in therapy, but find without it I am this very timid self. I also have some attachment stuff (could be summed up as mostly avoidant and disorganized...some characteristics of both). She is treating me from lens of complex trauma, with the big and mostly disorganized chunk of it being very early trauma (I relate a lot to the "connection survival style" that Laurence Heller describes in "Healing Developmental Trauma"...earliest shock and attachments traumas).

Around new people I act like I'm invisible. Around colleagues I do okay because I feel confident about my work and the role works very well for me. I actually got into over-working because it was the only way I knew how to connect with others. I rarely have close friendships (I'm saying one pretty good friend every several years). I tend not to trust people and warm up to others at a horribly slow speed....so relationships fizzle and just don't happen. Nobody relates at my speed. :notworthy:

There is a lot of overlap with developmental trauma and complex trauma. If you jive more with developmental and attachment stuff, no matter what you call it, it's helpful to have a therapist who can work with that sort of thing.