smoothcriminal
New Here
Hi guys, first time poster here. I'm recently diagnosed with PTSD because of childhood abuse.
From time to time I get benzos from my doctor, usually klonopin. I get this weird effect from it, and I'm wondering if anyone else have had similar experiences.
Whenever I take benzos, especially klonopin 2mg, I get much more in touch with my feelings!
I dissociate a lot and can dissociate on command. I usually have a hard time getting in touch with myself and my feelings and I'm very good at avoidance. Usually when a bad thought comes up I can deflect it so I don't have to deal with it. I feel like a zombie, very emotionally detached and disconnected from myself and my surroundings. On SSRIs this gets even worse, so I don't take them. Tried many of them. I'm currently on 300mg Wellbutrine, which is okay. I get more energy and less depression.
When I take benzos I feel actual felings. And that's pretty weird because I always thought it was the other way around; you took benzos so that you don't have feel. I can cry when I'm with my psychologist and go much deeper into what little I remember from my traumas.. While when I'm off them it's much harder to get a good session, because it's so difficult for me to get into it. It's not happeing because benzos make be depressed, they really don't. It's something else.. I have a theory that maybe it's because it takes down the shield that usually protects my mind from this stuff. Or, that they allow me to go deeper inside my own mind, because I'm not as afraid of what might happen to me emotionally.
I hope this mess of a post makes any sense to anyone. It's not easy to describe my symptoms and english isn't my native language, sorry.
thanks in advance for any answer!
From time to time I get benzos from my doctor, usually klonopin. I get this weird effect from it, and I'm wondering if anyone else have had similar experiences.
Whenever I take benzos, especially klonopin 2mg, I get much more in touch with my feelings!
I dissociate a lot and can dissociate on command. I usually have a hard time getting in touch with myself and my feelings and I'm very good at avoidance. Usually when a bad thought comes up I can deflect it so I don't have to deal with it. I feel like a zombie, very emotionally detached and disconnected from myself and my surroundings. On SSRIs this gets even worse, so I don't take them. Tried many of them. I'm currently on 300mg Wellbutrine, which is okay. I get more energy and less depression.
When I take benzos I feel actual felings. And that's pretty weird because I always thought it was the other way around; you took benzos so that you don't have feel. I can cry when I'm with my psychologist and go much deeper into what little I remember from my traumas.. While when I'm off them it's much harder to get a good session, because it's so difficult for me to get into it. It's not happeing because benzos make be depressed, they really don't. It's something else.. I have a theory that maybe it's because it takes down the shield that usually protects my mind from this stuff. Or, that they allow me to go deeper inside my own mind, because I'm not as afraid of what might happen to me emotionally.
I hope this mess of a post makes any sense to anyone. It's not easy to describe my symptoms and english isn't my native language, sorry.
thanks in advance for any answer!
