Bewildered

[BewitchedBewildered]

I guess I want some input from sufferers. My ex (were together 2.5 years) cut me out of his life for 13 months and then contacted me. He said he wanted us back, but then failed to follow through on what I asked for to feel safe trying again. Finally I said we could be friends. I was even feeling ok about that. Now, I found out he was in another relationship during that 13 months. I don't know any details, just that a woman sent him a card saying she loved him. I wasn't snooping, it was just laying out. Honestly, I feel broken hearted again.

My question is do sufferers sometimes hop from relationships to relationship playing it til it gets serious and then bail? And if so, why try to get one back. I just feel I had reconciled with one situation and now I'm looking at it in a completely different light. Maybe he isn't a good, but troubled man worth my friendship and loyalty. Maybe I've just been a huge fool.

 

[CrazyHorse]

Hi Bewitched,

I don't really have an answer for you. I just wanted to say that I understand what a huge blow this must be for you. I clearly remember all the heartache you went through when he cut you off.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

You weren't together but now you're that he didn't stay single when you two were apart? This happens in the real world all the time, but when ptsd is involved, supporters think it's all ptsd so they hang on to the hope that he'll come back after he snaps out of it. You're not the only one. I saw posts of others who hang on for 6 months, a year, etc, wanting to blame the ptsd when the truth is that you need to look at yourself. You refuse to accept that this guy isn't ready for a relationship. Instead you blame the disorder and want the disorder to explain it all away. Meanwhile ignoring the fact that he may be a total jerk who happens to have ptsd.

So how much more of your time are you going to waste on this guy? Another 3,5 years? Maybe check on your own self esteem and question why you can't let it go, why you can't say "I deserve better"

The answers to your questions? They don't matter. Until you are strong in yourself, you'll be his emotional plaything and yes, you'll continue to take whatever he has to dish out.

At this point, maybe you are just being a fool

 

[chicken sammich]

@Solara

I am reading this and thinking that I also may be a fool in love with my boyfriend. The truth hurts but its so refreshing to just get a dose of sanity rather than guessing games and hand wringing, wondering if he will talk to me. Thanks for your bluntness. Much appreciated.


@BewitchedBewildered I am sending you white light and gentle kindness your way. I am so sorry you are hurting this way.

 

[nursenurse]

BB, my opinion of your situation has never changed. Please be kind to yourself and ditch this guy once and for all. He had no business insinuating himself back into your life. And he is ruining all you have worked so long and hard for. The guy is a low life, and no, you can't be friends. You just get all mired up and eventually someone begins to have feelings, or old ones resurface that you thought you had put to bed. You are worth so much more than what is being handed to you.

 

[Justmehere]

First of all, kudos to you for holding boundaries about what you needed to feeling safe to try again. It's gotta be heartbreaking to find out he was pursuing other women at the same time as you.

People with PTSD can have a lot of relationship problems, but being a player and a jerk isn't a symptom of PTSD.

No matter what is going on for him, I agree with @Solara that this may be an opportunity to look at why you don't feel like you deserve so much better and that only once you do that will things really change for you.

"Troubled" or not, he doesn't deserve your loyalty as a friend. Giving it to him would only enable him to continue this long standing pattern of behavior and never change.

This may be a good opportunity for you to hold a stronger boundary and let him face the fitting consequences of losing your loyalty because of his behavior. That may be the most helpful thing you can do for him.

And you.