Relationship Bf With Ptsd Blames Me For His Unhappiness

[amourlily]

Thank you everyone for your comments and support. I have been struggling to survive this past week. On July fourth, I started bleeding and had to go to the ER. They did an ultrasound and the baby's heart had stopped two weeks prior. I had to have a D & C, which was preformed in the labor and delivery section of our hospital. I had to be with all the happy moms, see all the beautiful baby portraits on the wall. I had a doctor and a nurse tell me that this was probably for the best, that there was probably something wrong with the baby. I'm sorry but no matter what I wanted this child. I honestly feel more empty than I have in my entire life.

I keep moving. I've applied for jobs, started researching going back to school. I keep going to doctor appointments. I have sought counseling. I feel like if I stop moving I'm going to completely fall apart. When all of this happened, my ex was very supportive despite having a rough time himself. I felt for a while me trying to hold him together would keep me going, but when I have a bad day, he cant support me. He calls me his love, that I'm the only girl for him, but honestly I can't believe him. He told me last night he loves me, but that he's not my BF. I had been grasping onto him trying to stay sane. I get the feeling that he wants me to love him forever without ever having to give himself completely. I can't live like that, especially after all this. So instead of turning to him, I've started writing everything down in a notebook. If I write out everything that I'm feeling, maybe I can let it go.

Last night I broke down. I cried my eyes out because to me it's just not fair. I bought the baby book, I was trying to stay healthy, I did whatever I thought was best for the baby. I was planning for the future. Now its all gone.

 

[amethist]

So sorry to hear that amourlily.

Crying is possibly the best thing you can do right now, let the grief out, before you carry on.

This may sound daft to some, but it can be a good way of saying goodbye for now, to the baby that might have been.

Write a letter to the baby, pouring all your soul into it, then take it to a place you love, it does not matter where, possibly somewhere you would have shared as the baby grew up. The either bury the letter or burn it, letting the wind take it where ever it will.

Put the book away safe too, you never know one day you just might need it again.

Take care.

Amethist

 

[Tenacity]

Amorelily, you future is not gone. Just the future you dreamed about and planned. Every single person has had dreams fail, shatter or become unfulfilled. The fact that you've begun journaling is a start to self healing.
I am so very sorry you lost your baby. It's not all right or probably the best thing that you lost your child.

I believe you also need to journal in the baby book about you dreams, ideas, and hopes you had for your infant. I totally agree with Amethist, about tucking the baby book away. You can visit the book when you want and may choose to share with you future children and spouse.

My own Mother lost six babies and my husband's Mother lost five. (We were raised strict Roman Catholic) These babies were often talked about as older siblings who passed away. With my Mother's passing in 2002, her living children were very content to know she could be with children she lost and never stopped grieving for.

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh Dear Amourlily my heart breaks for you. :( :cry:
I am so sorry. :(

Before my mom died, by a couple of days, she said "who is this sweet little girl who keeps coming to me"? And she was all smiles.
It was the anniversary of when she had lost her baby, who lived only a few days.
She had no dementia, no hallucinations.

(((Hugs))) to you, it's right for you to grieve.
Of course it would break your heart.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I am so sorry this happened to you. I cannot imagine the depths of your pain. I agree with Amethist, that crying is the best thing you can do right now. I imagine that you are completely overwhelmned by what happened to you.

The loss of your precious baby is so vast and infinite. I know the baby was all you had. I am so very sorry this happened to you especially at this time in your life.

I wish I could give you a real hug. I hope you have some good support to see you through the days ahead. I am sad about your bf. You sure did not need any of this to happen to you. My heart goes out to you. I hope you know that you will eventually be ok, and everything, one way or the other will be ok. You will get through this it will just take time to heal.

I am again so very sorry for all of your losses. Great big cyber hugs.

 

[Taven Carlsen]

Wow. Sorry to hear this Amourlily...

I honestly feel more empty than I have in my entire life.

...Rememeber that this will mess with your head, no matter what the real story is. Every woman I've seen go through miscarriage (in my second-hand experience) has felt terrible. It's like your body requires you to go through that after, no matter what. Don't take the downturn too seriously. It will happen, just wait it out.

 

[Nicolette]

Amourlily I trust in time you will find peace with the loss of your baby. I had a pregnancy I had to terminate due to the baby being on a cyst and I was so sick I couldn't walk. I also had found out things about the father which were very concerning such as gambling and deceit.

While I missed having that baby I now see it as a blessing as my child deserved a better father than what this man could have ever been. I also would have been tied to a toxic person for almost a lifetime through a child. Selfish, maybe but you can still have another pregnancy and maybe you were given a gift in disguise despite the pain and heartache it currently causes for you.

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime and maybe this one was a reason for you to perhaps be a little more cautious with your choice of potential father for any of your children..... I say this with warmth and compassion as I have lived a life with a child to a toxic father and I wouldn't wish that upon anyone nor would I consciously want a child again with there being a huge possibility of being a single parent. Give yourself time to know someone before you have children with them.... trust me as it affects the rest of your life; the child's and yours.

 

[Noa]

Maybe its all for the best. From what you wrote it seems like it would be better if you don't give him another chance. In the future you will have a baby with a man who really loves you. You seem like such a nice person, you deserve someone as kind and sweet as your are.

 

[BloomInWinter]

Wishes for comfort and healing to you.

I went through a miscarriage and it is still too painful for me to talk about yet.

 

[lovehopepeace]

Abusive men always blame their mate. They are never at fault. He will find a way to twist it around and back on you every time. If I were you, I would not commit my life to him. Hindsite being 20/20 - I advise my daughter and any woman, no matter how much she loves a man, to run like hell if he has PTSD. It will not end well, it is a very hard road that no woman should have to travel. Just my opinion. I, myself, made a promise, a commitment to this man and I will honor that. I will love him, show him compassion despite the abuse and be with him til the bitter end - unless he is physically abusive or unfaithful. But, I would not do it again.

 

[BloomInWinter]

PTSD is no excuse for being abusive and disrespectful.

I would say to all...if someone is abusive and disrespectful, run the other way. No matter what the cause is!