Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

Yeah, getting in that good frame of mind is probably what her T has been working on, especially with all of the recent changes. I hope the EMDR helps her to get better. Of course I want sooner rather than later, but I know I will need lots of patience for quite some time. Definitely not easy.

Thanks for the prayers Iam.

Jawn

 

[amethist]

Hi Jawn

Glad to hear your wife went to the picnic, hope it goes well this afternoon for you both.

Be prepared for a possible slight set back after her EMDR session, it does happen.

Did she have an intense last session with her therapist?. Just asking as my husband went for it in a big way this week, it has knocked the stuffing out of him. He is still tired from it, but he says he needed to do it this way, this time.

keep going Jawn, it's tough for you I know, but your doing all the right things. No one can fault you for how your handling all this.

Amethist.

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Amethist. I don't have any details about her last couple of sessions, other than they spent time prepping for EMDR. I have read many of the threads on the forum about EMDR and I know things might get worse after she starts EMDR. Hopefully not, but I will deal with it as best as I can if it happens. I'm just trying to stay focused on the small positives and not read too much into things right now. Although that's tough sometimes.

I have told my wife that if the therapy takes a toll on her, that I can work less hours and take care of the dogs here and she won't have to make the trip out here after work each day. Although she thinks spending time with the dogs is good therapy for her. We'll see how that goes once she starts the EMDR stuff.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

I heard from my wife this morning. She said she didn't think she would have time to go with me when I take Kaley home. I then told her Kaley was asking again "where's Grandma?" That did it. She's going with us now. lol And NO, I didn't make it up 'cause Kaley really did ask. So I will get to spend an hour or so with her today.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

Yay!!!!!! I am so glad Jawn!

 

[seedling]

Reminds me of what my friend told me "I'm always willing to do for my children what I wouldn't do for myself", we were talking about facing something difficult to resolve a problem. Made me realize that I'm that way to.

The power of children to make us step outside our comfort zone for their benefit. She will probably enjoy it more than she thinks ahead of time.

 

[Jawn]

Well she road along with us and had a good time I think. She was the one who carried Kaley into the house and hugged on her a lot. We were able to chat pretty easy on the way back...until the last mile or so....that seemed a bit awkward. We went our separate ways and then I was in Walmart and wondered if she had bought something she needed at her place, so I called her. She said no, so I said I would get it for her. She then said she was doing an errand, so since I have a key to her place I could just drop it off and she would see me in a little while. She showed up while I was there and I helped put together a bar stool she bought. I did notice before she got there that the picture of me is gone....out of site some place. That hurt big time.

We talked some and she did tell me that we need to slow down on the weekends together because she needs some down time and time to process stuff. She said I am doing ok in giving her time/space otherwise. I asked her if it bothered her when I say I love you to her. She said no, but to not expect anything in return because she isn't feeling that for me or anyone. She also told me I need to think about how long I will wait since she has no idea how long it will take her to get better. She seems to think waiting indefinitely is silly on my part because I deserve to be happy. I already know that answer, but I couldn't tell her right then without getting emotional, so I didn't say anything. I will wait as long as it takes for her to get better. I can not walk away until I know she is better and at that point no longer has feelings for me.

Right now she says she can't feel anything, but yet she acts like she still cares. While I was at her place she was digging out things she had bought for me (food/snack things) because they were on sale and she knows I like them. To me that indicates she still cares on some level, and she said we/us/our many times today when we were talking. Hopefully with time she will get better and will begin to have feelings for me, her friends, and her family again. At that point we can figure out where we go in the future. So today was one of mixed emotions for sure. The missing picture really hurts, but maybe it was bothering her to see it all the time and she needs more time away from me right now. I just keep trying to focus on the fact that her sister also thinks she still cares, but is just mixed or confused right now and will be able to figure things out when she gets better. I sure hope so because not seeing her at all is going to be so hard for me.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

I'm sorry about the photo Jawn. I can imagine how much that hurts, especially since you were so happy she took it with her. You have been doing things every weekend and she works 2 jobs. I can see how she would need some down time. I know that is hard for you. She obviously is thinking about you. Wish it was easier, this waiting game. Hang in there.

 

[Jawn]

I'm trying Iam. I guess I should look at the fact I did get 2 hugs today, so that was very nice. Yes, the picture missing really hurts, but maybe it will return one of these days as she gets further into therapy. I hope it does and of course I still hope she returns home at some point. But she and her T need to get to the bottom of "things", so that she can start feeling her emotions/feelings again and start to really live again. I pray that day comes and we have a happy ending, but I guess more time alone will force me to focus on myself and making sure I get better too.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[Nicolette]

more time alone will force me to focus on myself and making sure I get better too.

While the situation you are dealing with is heartbreaking to read Jawn, let alone being in your shoes and having the compassion you have for wife, it is really good to read you are taking care of you as well. You are a very smart (and loving) man.

 

[amethist]

Hi Jawn

We can all read how hard this is for you, especially now she has moved the photo. Maybe she did move it because it hurts her too much to see it, knowing that you have so much love for her. But also knowing just now she cannot return the love you once shared.

Just a thought for you to take some solace from.

 

[Tinyflame]

Jawn, I agree with amethist.

Remember you don't know where she put the photo (don't ask)- it could be in her purse, for all you know, or at work, or in her car. It actually is probably a better way for her to tackle this; if she has an 'expectation' to heal quickly and it doesn't happen, she might feel you are just better off without her. She is trying to learn a new way of living/ thinking, but I'm sure she doesn't feel at all like herself. It will help her to not feel like she is letting you down, as well. The 'snacks' mean more (because they are in the present).

Just a thought- (it's possible), for all you know, the picture has some 'negative' thoughts/ triggers' behind it for her- not because it's a picture of the 2 of you but because she (may) remember feeling badly before it was taken, or after, etc. PTSD triggers are very wierd! (It's also something she would not have been likely to share with you, if you loved the picture, and because she keeps/ has kept things to herself).

What I'm saying (far too long) is have hope, I would not get discouraged. Remember, there are many possible explanations. Follow her lead, the present counts more.

Hugs and prayers-