Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

Thank you Nicolette, Amethist, and Junebug. Junebug you make some very good points and I appreciate it. Actually, you have made my day and put a smile on my face again. Last night and this morning were very difficult for me, but your comments help bring things into perspective for me. Thank you!

A big thanks to all who have followed my story and offered feedback to me.

Jawn

 

[a3a2]

Praying for your injection, Jawn.

 

[Jawn]

Junebug, she has told me a few times now that I would be better off without her and I should move on and be happy again. I've told her that I'm right where I want to be and will be here until she gets better. She thinks that is silly of me to wait on an unknown, but I took my marriage vows seriously and I will hang in there until she's better. I saw a saying today:

Loved you yesterday,
Love you still,
Always have, Always will

I think I am going to paint that on a piece of old barn wood we have laying around. Make a wall plaque out of it and eventually give it to her.
I think I will paint it barn red and then put the saying on with white paint.

Jawn

 

[Jline]

The word love is thrown around in life so much I think sometimes the meaning gets lost. You prove to me by your treatment towards your wife and yourself that it does really exist. I hope things work out for you both and that she realizes again what love is and can also learn to love herself. Peace to you and yours Jawn.

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jawn,

What a beautiful reminder. Your wife is very fortunate.

ITL

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that is beautiful Jawn, and I am sure she feels the same. Perhaps you saw it to know that too.

Just for fun.. why would you choose red and white? (..though it's an excellent choice!) :)

 

[Jawn]

Hmmm, red and white? I dunno, just seemed like a good combo and the letters would stand out that way. Well maybe it has to do with when we built our barn she wanted it traditional red with white trim. She also had me paint the shed to match the barn. I guess I never really gave it a lot of thought, but it was a combo that she likes and it probably just crept into my subconscious or something.

I'm open to other color combination's if anyone has suggestions.

Jawn

 

[kclarkesocal]

Jawn,

I feel like we're leading parallel lives here. My wife also frequently thinks that I would be better off without her. She also thinks, much of the time, that she has no romantic feelings at all towards me, and can't really remember those times when she did. It's very hard. But then there are those times when I see the glimmers of hope, when she smuggles up close to me and holds and touches me in a way that tells me that thief is something there. It hasn't happened very frequently, but it does happen from time to time. And it's always hard the next day when she seems to have returned to her aloof self. My only conclusion from this is as follows: in her current condition, there is no permanence to her feelings, so I need to ride the full wave out, and not over-react to the low points when she says things that suggest that we have no real relationship. Her feelings and emotions are in flux, and I need to stick around to see where it all shakes out as her treatment progresses.

 

[kclarkesocal]

Also, on the question of whether saying "I love you" creates stress for her, I've adopted the following approach: every night I email her that I love her. That way, she knows how I feel, but it's not the face to face discussion where she feels like she needs to reflexively respond the same way. She can choose to respond or not, but either choice is socially acceptable in the email framework, so i think that it's less stressful for her.

 

[Tinyflame]

No, Jawn, don't change what you'd choose, choose what is 'you'. It's a very fine choice.-
:)

 

[Nicolette]

Hmmm, red and white?

Sorry...I clicked across from What's New and read this line as the first new post and for a moment I thought you were talking about wine. :rofl:

Kclarkesocal while I respect your approach and your need to say how you feel, I had the opportunity to watch from the outside a similar situation with sms messages and I noted that the Sufferer actually became agitated by the phone going off as it represented a person trying to make contact when they wanted to be alone. At least email can be controlled however I wonder, if your wife doesn't open her email for a few days and then gets multiple messages at once, that it may inadvertently overwhelm her. Just food for thought even though, if in your shoes, I would probably be compelled to do something to show my love and know I have made an attempt despite all the facts of dealing with a PTSD Sufferer. It is a fine line we sometimes have to walk. :dontknow:

Wishing you and Jawn the best outcomes possible.

 

[Jawn]

I stopped by my wife's house last night on the way home and saw her for a little while. I left her a card that I had gotten that tells her how I feel and how long I will wait for her to get better. She did not read it while I was there, so I don't know her reaction, but at least she knows and did not have to struggle with reading it in front of me. I was there about 45 minutes and it was pleasant enough and she did hug me as I was leaving.

It was kinda comical because I was telling her that the house was getting to the point that I needed to vacuum and such, and would probably try to do that once I got home. I got there and found out when she had been there earlier to take care of the dogs, she had vacuumed the entire house! She must have been laughing internally when I was talking about that. I called her and she answered the phone with "You're welcome" and laughed. She had also left me a nice note on the counter too. Nothing important, but it was nice.

Jawn