Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

I agree with Nicolette that I think in my case it would overwhelm my wife if I sent her daily emails or texts, etc. But an occasional one certainly can't hurt! We have different, but similar, situations kclarkesocal and we just need to find what works for us. Right now I am trying to give time/space/understanding to my wife and just be there if she needs me. For example, while I was there last night I set her DVR to record a show she likes. She is used to having that feature, but I have always been the one to do it at home. She was happy that she wouldn't have to stay up late to see the show or miss out on it. Hopefully little things like that have a positive effect.

Any way, thanks kclarkesocal I appreciate it.

Jawn

 

[amethist]

Its the little things that mean a lot Jawn. Like you setting the DVR for her, or her vacuuming the house for you. Not going out of your way as such, just remembering those small things you did and still can do for each other.

All keeps the hope of returning love alive, for both of you.

Amethist

 

[Jawn]

I saw my wife again tonight. I needed to have her sign some papers for my refi loan on the house, so I stopped by her place. I got there before she did, so I called her. She sounded annoyed, but told me to go in and let her dogs out while I waited for her. I noticed the card I gave her last night is still laying on the counter unopened. Sigh....

When she got there she was pleasant enough and had me help her unload her car with more stuff she brought from the house. She then asked me to show her how the DVR works, so she can record another show and also so she can get to the stuff that has been recorded. As we were walking into her TV room she said "does it work like yours...err, ours at home?" That correction to "ours" made my whole day. I left a short time later and I hugged her and kissed her on the top of the head, although tonight I didn't get a response back. She had therapy today, so that may have been part of the reason she was a bit more distant.

Any way, her correction to what she said put a big smile on my face.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

Not a good day today. I was in a 4 car pile up on my way to work this morning and my car it totaled. I am OK except for bruises and being sore. The ER doc told me I will get more soreness over the next couple of days. If there was a positive this morning it was seeing my wife drive up and come running down the shoulder of the road and give me a huge hug. She was very worried......that was obvious. Since I was OK, I declined an ambulance ride and she drove me to the ER and she held my hand the whole way. While the crunched car and accident really sucks, it was nice with her this morning.

But, the day got worse after we got to our house. My wife got the pickup out of the barn and was putting it in the garage for me. She accidentally ran over one of our wiener dogs.....we buried the dog tonight. My wife is devastated because those dogs are her "kids".

We went to her place and got her dogs and brought them out here and she's staying with me tonight. Maybe tomorrow too. I guess it depends on how well I can get around without help. Even though the circumstances are not good, it is nice to have her here tonight.

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Oh my jawn I don't know what to say but thank God you are all right, and your wife's true feelings sound that she loves you very much. She obviously didn't feel "emotionless".

I am so sorry for your/ her dog, she will likely (of course) be devastated (which is normal) and thankful (for you) but will very much need also to talk to her T, soon, about all these emotions. Don't take it personally if it comes out at you, later.

 

[Jawn]

Yes Junebug, I think her true emotions were showing yesterday when she got to the accident. I just hope going forward she can get back in touch with those feelings all the time, not just during an emergency. I look forward to the day where getting a hug or having her hold my hand is a "normal" occurrence.....not just once in a while.

Last night I thanked her for coming to get me and she said "of course I would come". That made me smile too. She slept in the guest room last night on the air mattress so she could have as many dogs with her as possible. I told her she could sleep in our bed, but she said she wanted the dogs and didn't want to do anything that might cause her or the dogs to bump into me and cause me pain during the night.

She took today off from work and is at the dentist right now. I guess we get to go do the accident report and such later today. Oh fun!

Jawn

 

[jenkins123]

Jawn
If we could bottle your patience and sell it, you'd be a millionaire, and I would be your first customer!
It really does seem like your wife has a lot of love for you.

 

[Jawn]

Well my wife went back to her place tonight, but we had a pretty good day today. There were several times where she corrected herself from saying mine/yours to we/ours/us. Every time it made me smile. She spent lots of time cleaning around the house and vacuumed out the cars and washed the car windows. She kept busy and kept telling me to stay still when I would start to do something. By late afternoon she was growing kinda distant again and was getting tired too. When she decided it was time to go she headed out and got in the truck. No hug goodbye today.

Oh, she noticed the truck was low on gas, so she took it tonight so she could fill it up for me. She's going to breakfast with her friend and then plans on coming out to the house to drop off the truck and see how I am doing.

So, while I don't like the way she left tonight (no hug), overall it was a good day.

Jawn

 

[Iam]

She may have been afraid of hurting you considering you are so sore. It's also possible that she is feeling confused by how strong her feelings are in light of her reaction with the accident. She was there and she took care of you, that is WONDERFUL!

 

[Jawn]

I think you are probably right Iam.....about her being confused. She told me when she was driving to the accident she had to force herself to put it on cruise control because she was going 90 mph and figured that she was risking an accident or reckless driving citation. When I was sitting on the guard rail I could see her car coming down the shoulder of the road past traffic until her path was blocked by a firetruck. That's when she jumped out and came running to me. That was such a wonderful site to for me to see. Her true feelings were showing and now I'm sure she is struggling to deal with that because she thought those feelings were gone. Or maybe the light bulb came on......I guess time will tell on that and it definitely gives her something to talk to her T about.

I'm wondering about the light bulb theory because of all the times she corrected herself today and last night to be we/us/ours etc. Any way, I hope this is a positive step forward for her to rediscover her feelings for me. I will still be patient and give her space.

Jawn

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Jawn,

Again I am amazed at your resiliance and patience. I am soooo glad you are ok. Hope the soreness is getting better.

You are wise to continue to give her space. I can only imagine the emotions she must be struggling with at this point. She obviously still loves you. Her definition of it may be a bit different from yours right now, but she does feel. That is big and wonderful that you got to see it.

Take Care of yourself and feel better! Hope the car stuff isn't too big of a headache to work out!

PH

 

[seedling]

Wow, if you put the picture of the two of you at the accident scene to some great music, you could make one of those sappy romantic movies out of it :). Just make the happy ending right there (Hollywood glosses over all the hard bits!).

Sounds like your wife has a great love for you. She may feel guilty dragging you through her illness and it's easier to let you out of it however she can. Sometimes I feel so low and worthless I don't know why anyone would love me, yet at the same time I appear to be functioning. I just draw a blank on why anyone would care.

These guilty/dysfunctional feelings really get in the way and wear a person out.

So glad you are all right and sorry about the dog. I had a cat that was sunning itself in the driveway and got runover when we left for work. What a crazy mixed up day for you both.

Take care.