Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Iam]

Alright Jawn....!!!!! Seriously, that is all good news ;o) I am very happy for you!

 

[Deleted member 6617]

So glad you had a good day (too)! Keep enjoying those positive signs, I hope they keep coming and with more frequency.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn, this is just my experience so don't know what it's worth, and it's difficult to express, but I was thinking, your wife may be trying, through therapy, to integrate her love for you (as you saw with your accident, etc) with what she is learning and coping with, including learning how to make sense of what she feels, experiences and thinks daily. I realize Thanksgiving is coming and naturally because you love and miss her and your relationship is most important to you, you are wondering about the plans for it; naturally, this is normal and very much in the present. But as regards ptsd, being able to appreciate the present sometimes get lost. Irregardless of what your wife chooses, she would probably prefer the environment of your company and relaxing (mentally and emotionally), but she will likely choose whatever limits (all) stress, depending on her family it may be necessary for her not to stay long or avoid it to a great degree. Either way it wouldn't be a reflection on you, and the less Big Deal made about it, the better. Hopefully in some way you can acknowledge and celebrate it together.

P.S- Hope you are feeling a little better!

 

[Tinyflame]

What I mean Jawn is ptsd is so peripherally-exhausting in terms of causing additional stress, that perhaps your wife is trying to find a balance between managing and understanding it- triggers and such, and making sense of what she is feeling. If the environment ( family dinner) feels 'safe' and can be fun, she will likely go; if she feels it will be confrontational she may not, as with ptsd it is likely enough you will already feel badly about yourself, and not want to put your self in a position to feel worse (if that may be the case, with some family members). Also all of this with your accident and the dog, will hit her a bit later, it's a lot for you both to deal with. If anything she may be happy to know you are there (because you love her/ understand/ are her advocate, in many ways), but have to limit the time there, for herself.

(Sorry for such a long post!)

 

[Jawn]

Thanks Junebug. Your posts help a great deal in helping me to understand what she may be thinking/feeling. I think she will go because I don't think there will be anything confrontational, although she may not be receptive to everyone wanting to give her a hug and such. If she can only stay a little while, that is OK with me. Actually, if she just wanted to meet me at Denny's and have a bite, I am OK with that and skipping the family gathering.

I will ask her in the next few days and see what she wants to do and go from there.

I did put up some pictures in the house recently of my granddaughter and my wife. She told me she liked it. I haven't put up the ones of the 2 of us on the cruise yet, but I will probably do that fairly soon and see what she thinks.

As usual, I will try to have patience and just play it by ear when dealing with my wife.

Thanks,

Jawn

 

[Tinyflame]

Jawn, you're doing great, and I wish you (both) the best.

I wouldn't even hesitate to offer the Denny's suggestion, lol. -Seriously.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend/ Thanksgiving.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Jawn,

I am so amazed at your persistant patience. Good for you....that is so very, very, hard and you are doing great at it. I am hoping with all my heart this has a happy ending. Time, space, and freedom to heal. Not easy, any of it! Hang in there! Enjoy the small rewards for your efforts.

Thinking of you, PH

 

[Jawn]

My wife was at the house last night when I got home. She had been doing yard work for a couple of hours and was tired when I got there. So we didn't talk too much because she was ready to leave, but the yard looks great. She mowed some more, trimmed several bushes, and pulled a lot of weeds in the flower beds. While we didn't talk about much and I didn't get a hug, it was still nice to see her for a few minutes.

I did ask if she had called the neighbor and she asked "what for?" I then pointed to the cows that were in our driveway. So I spent part of the evening rounding up cows and then I did some more mowing....after dark with the headlights on the riding mower. Anyway, the entire lawn is mowed now.

Jawn

 

[amethist]

:rofl: Sorry Jawn, just had visions of you riding a mower in the dark, with spot lights, rounding up the cows.

The connection between you is still there Jawn, your patience is growing stronger, as is your wifes confidence. It will take some time yet, but one day the surprise will there when you get home.

Your wife there to stay.

Stay well, stay strong and stay optimistic for your future together.

Amethist

 

[Jawn]

Sorry to disappoint Amethist, but the cow round up was done on foot. It was fairly easy as they went back through the hole in the fence they escaped from. I see the neighbor put some stock panels down there to keep them in temporarily. My neighbor is really a city guy and doesn't have a clue on how to build/maintain a fence. I've told him a couple of times if he would string a hot wire that the cows would quit abusing his woeful fence. He doesn't listen. One of these days he may be missing a cow and my freezer will be full! :rofl:

And I wouldn't use the mower because I have an ATV that is much faster and more nimble than the mower. I'm laughing too thinking about an image of me on the mower trying to round up cows in the dark. :wink:

And thank you for your comments Amethist. As someone who has been there and gotten through to a better place, I really appreciate your insight and comments.

Jawn

 

[seedling]

I agree with Amethist.

Your wife surely seems to be happy to be around the house doing things, it must feel good to her, like it is still her home.

Mmmm, maybe he wouldn't even miss one beef out of the lot. You can just shrug, it must have wandered off!

 

[Iam]

Ahhh......the beauty....and work...of country life! I'm enjoying the images set forth above Jawn!

So good to hear that your wife is coming home and doing things. I know part of it is to help you while you're hurting. BTW, how are you feeling? That in itself shows such love and concern for you. I also suspect she is missing home and the chores she enjoys. And yes, anyone who lives in the country enjoys the outdoor chores as much as we may complain about them.....especially come spring time eh?LOL!

Hugs Jawn....I am looking forward to the day that you post "MY WIFE IS HOME TO STAY!"