Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Jawn]

OK, just a quick update on what's been happening this week and last weekend. Last Saturday I called my wife in the morning to see if she wanted to have breakfast at a cafe in our local town. She loves this place and I knew she was bringing one of her dogs to the groomer just down the street, so I figured my chances were good. And I was right! :smile: We had breakfast and visited for about an hour.....until the groomer called and said the dog was ready. Then she left and went back to her place. I tried to call her later, but no answer and no call back that day either. I found out later she went back to her place and went back to bed for about 4 hours. I did get a short hug from her when she left.

On Sunday I stopped by the vet clinic where she was working and she said she felt like she was in a "fog" because she slept too much the day before. I was on my way to Costco and asked her if she needed anything. She said "no, I shopped Friday night" and she grinned real big when she said it. It then dawned on me that she meant she shopped at the house! i.e. I am now missing paper towels and toilet paper out of the storage closet! LOL!

Monday evening she was still at the house when I got there. She looked pretty frazzled because she spent most of the day in a training class and then went back to work to do a couple hours there. THEN she came out to the house to take care of the dogs. She was definitely tired. No hug that night. As a matter of fact, when I stepped up to her to hug her, she turned away and headed for the door. Sigh......one of those days. Now that the leaves are falling off the trees I was able to watch her taillights all the way down the driveway to the main road (about 1/2 mile).

For some reason I am struggling more lately. As I watched her drive down the driveway I was tearing up and I find myself talking to her picture a lot more lately. So I figured that meant I better find another T since I can't see my old one anymore. So I called one that my old T recommended today and have an appointment for next Tuesday. Hopefully it will help get me back on track again. Although I hope this woman is better in person than on the phone. Didn't seem like she had much personality at all. Oh well, I will find out. I guess if I don't like her, I can get a different one! :wink:

Jawn
P.S. I do like my new car and it's much nicer at the gas pump than my old pickup truck!

 

[seedling]

Good luck with the new T. No fun to change and to even think you might have to change again if this one's not a fit.

Just remember with your wife - it's not personal about the lack of a hug. There's just no energy there at that moment - darn it, someone else sucked it up for that day instead of leaving any for you. Maybe look at it like - at least she can let you know she just doesn't have it to give and she knows you will accept her like that, a wonderful gift from you of being able to be herself. Not always easy for you to take though.

The leaves are almost all gone here too, seasons are changing. Take care.

 

[Sad Nicola]

Hi Jawn

I thought that perhaps it might help if I said what it actually feels like to be in a PTSD funk.

Somehow it's worse when someone is caring for you. In the bad times I feel my husband weighing me down and sometimes as a threat. I want to be alone, free from everything so that I can concentrate on myself, so I push him away. It's driven by fear - and the fear makes me want to be an island because then I feel safer. If I rely on no-one except myself then I feel that that I am in control of everything. The need for control is an overwheming thing for the PTSD sufferer when the world is a threatening place. I too have fantasied and made plans for how I would cope alone. I think it it's more a form of self-reassurance than anything.

In my better moments I know that I love my husband dearly and would hate to be left on my own; then the reality of what I am doing to him really hits home. At those times I hate myself and I tell him that I love him and that he should stick around if he can bear to do so. He has written me really sweet letters in the recent past and these have touched me deeply. Letters are sometimes better than words because they are non-confrontational. They have the added benefit of allowing both parties to consider the words when they wish to and can be re-read in hard times.

Best of luck - I feel for you both.

Nicola

 

[Jawn]

Thank you Nicola. Now I understand why my wife told me she wanted to be alone which she has done by separating from me. Although she does still think of "us" in much of what she says and does, I guess she just needs time and space to work through this. I too have written letters/cards to my wife when I wanted to tell her something without getting into a confrontation or to keep from getting very emotional.

Again, thank you for the helpful perspective.

Jawn

 

[Tessa]

Jawn,you are doing such a great job of being supportive and also allowing her space. I have a wonderful husband like this also.

 

[Jawn]

Well it was a pretty good weekend. I went with a friend to a place where there was a group pressing pears. So spent the day loading pears into totes, lugging totes around, running the grinder for a bit, and also taking my turn on the press too. I was rewarded with about 2 gallons of pear juice. It was a fun day (Saturday) and I got to meet some new people too. I also got to hear about my friends date the night before. It was his first date in a LONG time.....about 30 yrs or so. He was as excited as some school boy and we all had a good time teasing him about it. That night I spent about 45 minutes talking to my wife on the phone. Hearing about her day at the vet clinic and talking about some small things.

I saw my wife briefly on Sunday at the vet clinic. I took her some pear juice and picked up the special diet dog food we had ordered. It was a nice chat, but nothing too serious. I was there when they closed and offered to buy her lunch. She said no because she had eaten something right before I got there and she had errands to run. She was getting ready to change out of her scrubs and into normal clothes, so I said I would see her later. At that point she stepped up to me and gave me a hug and told me to drive careful. So that put a smile on my face.

I think I am about pain free now from the bruises from my car accident. So it must be time to start putting that new flooring in the bedroom soon. Maybe this coming weekend I will tackle that. Ugh! The worst part is getting all of the "stuff" out of the room. The old carpet will pull up pretty easy and I am hoping I can get the new floor down in one day. My wife doesn't work at the clinic on Saturday, so she said she would come help if I wanted her to. Gee, can anyone predict what I told her? :smile:

I heard from my loan officer today about closing on my refinance loan and it looks like I will get to sign either tomorrow or Wednesday. Yay! About darn time! LOL!

Jawn

 

[hopelives]

Sounds like things are going well for you. Good progress. Positive thoughts heading your way.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

Sounds like a good weekend Jawn. Glad to hear you are healing up good!

Never had pear juice...apple yes, but never pear. Actually never even thought about pressing pears. That is pretty cool!

Good luck on the flooring....glad it's you and not me...LOL!

 

[Jawn]

yeah I don't think I've had pear juice before either. Most of the juice will end up being hard cider, but I will just drink mine. Yeah, the flooring will be a fun time for sure. LOL! I thought I was healing nicely until I sneezed today. Now my chest hurts again. Sigh.....I guess I'm not quite back to normal yet.

I went with a group of coworkers to Buffalo Wild Wings in Beaverton for soem food and brew after work today. It was a good time and a lot of laughs.

Thanks PH and sickofit.

Jawn

 

[Jawn]

I have my 1st appointment with my new T later today. As I mentioned before, I hope she has more personality in person than she had on the phone. Got my fingers and toes crossed that she will be good. OK, I may have to uncross my toes so I can walk! :smile:

Jawn

 

[Tessa]

Wishing you good luck : )

 

[Jawn]

Well the new T had more personality in person than on the phone, so that was good. I guess I'll go back for my 2nd appointment! HA! LOL!

Jawn