Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[amethist]

Ditto to everything Jawn. Remember any one of us is here to listen to you any time you need to talk.

Mega hugs friend.

Amethist

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn, I am so sorry, and I know there are no words to say when one feels so sad and my heart goes out to you, I echo what Nicolette and others have said, that some things- ptsd, pride, stubborness, addictions- so many things, can destroy relationships that otherwise may have succeeded without it.

With all due respect to Superjen (and dear SJ I agree, one comment should not 'cause' such a thing- you are speaking from a 'healthy viewpoint)- but it sounds as if your wife is so ill for lack of a better term that all it took was one comment for her to focus on and have her invalidate anything that might have been positive. But no one can also live within a relationship equivalent to a house of cards- at least in-so-far as it will continue to cause great pain without progress. I think she is also being honest as regards saying she is numb in her feelings for everyone. At those times no one can love another, and that may last for years or decades or perhaps never fully change.

One minute at a time jawn, and please allow us to offer you lots of hugs and care, I am so sorry this is so heartbreaking and if I could do something that you wouldn't have to feel this way I would. It is a terrible illness, no one gains.

 

[ISupportHer]

First, I am so sorry this is playing out like this. I would say that using something you said to her sister is and EXCUSE, not a REASON. Two different things.

I'm not even sure that I know what to say. I have some close friends that used to be carers here and still struggle with the loss of a relationship. So many emotions, I am sure. I will say this however. Although you and I have never really talked much one on one, I can't say that I have seen anyone try harder than you have. No one that has given so much love when others would have bailed out. I am not meaning that as a bad thing. Just that I hope that in the midst of the pain and sorrow and all the other emotions, that you can at some time come to an acceptance and proudly hold your head high! You are a good person. You deserve a caring, mutually loving relationship.

Back to opinions, LOL, but I really hope you can take some time to work through it. Part of life really is like the Serenity Prayer, I feel. Part of that is accepting what you can't change. It is so very hard for us (carers) to accept that we cannot change our sufferers and the paths they must follow.

I know you have friends her on the forum now but if you ever need to talk, just let me know.

ISH

 

[amethist]

Here is the Serenity Prayer ISH mentioned above. It does seem to fit in with the lives of anyone connected to PTSD, whether carer or sufferer.



Take extra special care of yourself. .

Amethist

 

[Deleted member 5760]

First, I am so sorry this is playing out like this. I would say that using something you said to her sister is and EXCUSE, not a REASON. Two different things

ISH is speaking wise words. To believe this depended on one comment I believe is false. She left some time ago. This is painful. But it seriously did not depend on one little comment you made. If it did - then why did she leave before the comment? It was in trouble long before that comment was made.

I feel like a real b*tch saying this - but I am speaking from love in doing so. Move on Jawn. Because every day you try to cling to something that is gone - you just might miss something that isn't. It sucks and it is unfair. I've been dumped and thought 'that was so unfair when i am SUCH a nice person'. Sometimes it just doesn't come back. I'm devastated for you and I CARE - this is why I'm saying 'please find someone who will return to you what you give'

And yes, you can PM me too.

 

[Tinyflame]

I think that Superjen and ISH are right- if she always intended re: a divorce (as you posted initially) there is little that you can do. PTSD is a battle, but dishonesty or denial is impossible to combat, when (if) the 'intention' is different.
It reminds me of a clinical psychologist who said, "some couples come to me to save their marriage, others just want me to tell them it's over, even though it would not be if they chose to work at it".

And the rest of the Serenity prayer- if anyone is familiar with it- is beautiful, too. It actually continues along the lines that everyone has the right to be reasonably happy.

You are too loving jawn to not be loved in return. Someone needs you, and maybe you needed to experience all these things to love them and love yourself and to understand what you will need to. And you help so many people here, everyday.

Hugs and I believe yes, everyone extends the offer to pM if you want/ need to.

 

[amethist]

Just found the full version Jawn. Knew I had it somewhere.

 

[Deleted member 6617]

So sorry Jawn. My heart breaks for you. (((((HUGS))))))

 

[AdamAnt]

So sorry Jawn. If there's anything I can do or you need to talk don't even hesitate....

 

[Jawn]

Thanks everyone. I appreciate the hugs and everything. I think it's going to take me a while to wrap my head around things.

Thanks again,

Jawn

 

[Learning123]

Hey Jawn, I'm sorry to hear that. I hope that you can find the strength to focus on yourself and move on with your life, and I'm sure every day will get a little easier. I also hope that your wife can make progress in her healing, and that perhaps, in time you can develop a close friendship.

I think on a positive note you can walk away knowing 100% that you did absolutely everything you could to make your marriage work. This whole thread represents your love for your wife, and all I can say is you did great, and you will make someone really happy x

 

[intothelight]

Hi Jawn,

I just want to say I am truly sorry things didn't work out as you hoped.

Thinking of you.
Debbie