Relationship Big Shock Tonight

[Iam]

Hi Jawn,

What can I say that hasn't been said or that we discussed last night. I am sorry that you have to go thru this.

 

[anni]

I hate this for you, also. I loved whoever said that- about using a reason for an excuse. It's something I've often thought, too. I know you know this, but please do try not to take this on yourself. And, At the very, very least, you are not walking on eggshells anymore, waiting for this awful shoe to drop, on the alert for every litle nuance as to what she's thinking and feeling that day or moment. The limbo is over. It's a terrible way to live, as bad as the pain must be now- there's an end. This wound has healing potential, somewhere. There was no end, before, just the torment of not ever KNOWING.

Gosh you're a good man. I know because I have one, and went through a FEW polar opposites previously. I know the last thing on your mind at the moment is 'someone else' other than the person you're now trying to get over, but for future referrance please know that the secret 'What women want' manual, men are convinced we have under our matteresses and discuss over coffee? I shouldn't spill the secret but it's real, and you've got qualities highly valued in those pages. That's not just me, there are plenty of females here in the forum, some like me who read the fine print finally and found theirs, too.

Do take care, ok?

 

[Froggie]

I'm very sorry for what happened Jawn, it's really tough going through a normal divorce, but when PTSD is mingled in, it must really hurt alot more. It's easy to say "move on", there is a grieving period that is healthy ... not just for you but also for your ex ... I can only wish you that you will find the healing you need so that you can focus on the other spheres of your life. For this holiday season and for 2011, I wish you the affection that you so deserve. (((HUGS)))

 

[Sethe]

Jawn:

I'm really sorry to hear what happened. Please take care of yourself.

 

[hopelives]

OMG Man I am so so sorry. what shitty timing.

You are not the blame for this seriously I have found that my husband will sometimes just look for me to say something small. You have been such a support.

I won't say let her go and move on as that is your discion to make and I know I would find it hard to do.

OH I am sending you a cyber hug. BIG TIME.

 

[hopelives]

Although closure would be nice I would be sceptical of the timing of this wanting a divorce. I mean she will not have access to her therapist at present it is Christmas and I know my husband goes a bit loopy this time of year.

I would take a deep beathe and live but dont do anything rash just yet. Although I maybe accused of giving you false hope I think there still maybe hope.

 

[Jawn]

Well she has talked to her T, before our talk and after. I think I'm just going to let it ride and see if she pushes the issue or not. She called me yesterday and wanted me to come by the vet clinic and pick something up. When I got there she seemed happy to see me and even called me "Hon" at one point. Not sure if that is an old habit or what is going on with her. I guess I'm not sure if she even knows right now. ;)

I guess I just need to focus on me and see what happens.

 

[Tinyflame]

Dear Jawn, only my opinion so worth little, but I agree she ('her mind') is probably inundated with a million different thoughts/ emotions (even if she 'feels' numb- likely why), but that being said she has had this on her mind a long time (your original post- what you found in the garbage). Please, take care of yourself.

 

[Nicolette]

I guess I just need to focus on me and see what happens.

True Jawn and that is the only thing you can have any control over right now - focusing on yourself and making sure your needs are met.

 

[Jawn]

My wife forwarded me an invite to her cousins 50th b-day party on Saturday. I called her and asked if people would look at me weird for coming since my wife won't be there because she's working at the vet clinic. She didn't know what I meant, so I asked if everyone knew about her wanting a divorce now. She said "no, I haven't told anyone because we don't have anything definite yet." Huh?! WTF?????

How in the hell am I supposed to interpret that? Sheesh! Well, I noticed last night when I got home that there are only a couple of pictures on the bedroom walls now and they are ones of "us". All of the nice scenic ones are gone, just hooks or nails in the wall. Granted, she's the one that bought all of those pictures over the years, but the place looks naked now and it echos with bare walls. Sigh......I guess I need to find some new ones to put on the wall.

 

[ISupportHer]

I don't know what to say. I don't know details but even if she actually purchased stuff, where is the shared property guidelines? I mean if you "purchased" a car the Ex usually would get half in a settlement, wouldn't they?

I don't mean to add stress to what you are going through but just feel bad that so much of what is your house too, is disappearing. I know you don't want to get into any pis*ing matches.

OK, I do know what to say. It's "Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"

ISH

 

[Jawn]

ISH, there are many other BIG pictures in other parts of the house that are "mine" and she wouldn't take those. Some of these are ones she purchased at art fairs and framed herself. A few were bought already framed. I really don't have a problem with it, but it is a little depressing to see them gone. Now I'll need to fix that crack in the sheet rock that she hung a picture over a few years ago! Or maybe just a new picture! HA! ;)

The pictures don't bug me nearly as much as what she said on the phone today. I just don't know how to interpret what she said about "nothing definite". I guess I'll talk it over with my T later today. I've already backed off though and all contact is pretty much initiated by her at this point. It's funny, while on the phone with her I mentioned I needed to go drop my car off for a new timing belt at a mechanic friends house on Sunday. She immediately volunteered to go along so I had a ride home. We have a 3rd vehicle, so I will have wheels Monday/Tuesday next week to go to work while he is working on the car. I figured I would need to get a friend to help me, but she was right there offering to help.

I will see what my T says today, but I think I will just back way off and let things ride for now and see if she pushes the issue. Maybe I have been putting too much pressure on her and less pressure will help.

Jawn